BellGab.com Archive

the dye on the rug flat
sees coincidences, everywhere
toomereck* as all else nothing meaningful

*yes, in his vocab, too make mispronunciation worse, it's reck at the end...and a train wreck of a host.

I am wondering who you guys mean by Dave...Dave Schrader, on C2C? If so, Schrader seems nice enough and is FAR more engaging than Noory; he seems to know some things regarding the paranormal. After all these years, George has the mind of a steel sieve.

I rarely listen to His Emminence G.N. so bear with me if my information is a bit dated...considering his perpetual parade of lackluster stories, surely this scenario is still quite typical and plausible. As a fly in his ointment on the wall (to borrow one of his myriad mixed metaphors) I share a "Paranormal Date" with Snorge;.
George and "Emily" chatted 1st, on the site. Against her better judgement, she decided to meet His Broadcasting Majesty, in person, as she had a burning curiosity about his cranial rug and that Super Mario Bros. 'stache...they are now face-to-face, heading to dinner...Spoiler alert: George insists they are 'going Dutch' - of course. Snorge constantly brags about his genero$ity but, alas, Emily is seeing The Dude, up close & personal. Btw, she is a 9+ in the looks dept. and intellectually, too. But, Snoory being his usual snooring self, is too busy looking at his phone to notice.
George: "Tommy and I eat here all the time. I tell my audience, now and in times gone past, how the owner here gambled and then lost big, after his "Lucky 8" that I told him to keep in his wallet...yes, that was a long time ago but hey, it's one of my "best" stories! (*Emily yawns quietly*) Mommy - er, my mother, always loved my stories and when I FOLLOWED MY INTUITION, I went into journalism...'course, those pesky test essays were hard, had to write them and boy, my teachers sure liked their red pens..."

Emily: "Oh, your mother sounds swee..." *George cuts her off mid-sentence*

George : "Oh, yes Mommy - er, Mother - she loves her Georgie! She wants to wipe my bu...NOSE...to this day! Did I mention I am a journalist??"

Emily : "Um...yes...in each of our IM chats...so, Greek food, huh? I like ethnic cuisine, too...I love to cook. I bet you..." *George talks right over her*

G.N. "Oh, I am just toooo busy to cook. Mommy - er, Mother insists I eat more vegetables. Is Toomoorick a vegetable? I bet it has a brain but it is good for you...I love telling my fans to eat Toomoorick and lots of other [lame] medical advice...I tell Lionel Fanthrorpe *he spittles as he stumbles over Fanthorpe* to eat Toomooric, too. That's because I call him the World's Greatest Story Teller, Ever. I bet he reads his stories in Sand Script. I love Detroit. Did I tell you how much I loved living there as a child? I watched lots of T.V. when I was a child. I liked the pretty pictures. And Twilight Zone. (Emily is fighting to stay awake. She focuses on his slick forehead, wondering how long til lil' black trails of hair dye start running down to his sweaty upper lip). Isn't Pat Boone just great?? Did you know he is a singer? And Billy Mumy - wow! Nice guy but I always work on Christmas - I know, I know, I am just so dedicated. It's my work ethnictiy. Besides, the sun is a living enema. Entity? We aren't talking about ghosts, Ellie. You didn't know the sun is a living enema? Well, I know that because I am SPIRITUAL, Edith". *eyebrows raised, but too tired to correct G.N. on her name, she sighs heavily, rapidly fading but he pays no attention*

Emily : "So, Paranormal Date...the algorithm put us together, right?"

George : "Oh, Al Gorythm. He was one of my guests. Last year, I think. My memory...what was I saying...oh, yes. Art's great. But, not sure why he thinks C2C is going downhill...Pat Boone thinks I am nice, I bet Billy Gibbons does, too. ZZ Top, he's the greatest on guitar, you know? Detroit is great. I lived there as a child. Morgus was my hero. ZZ Top is the name of Billy in disguise. Frank and Dusty, who? Ethel, you need to practice being intuitive cuz you're confused about ZZ Top...I know, because Glynnis is The Numbers Lady".

Emily (still reeling from the algorithm comment...) : "Huh. Detroit. Wow."

G.N. : "...and St. Louis. Just a great place to live...especially if you're intuitive, like me. And there are no coincidences! I have always said in days gone past, there are no coincidences. Just ask Maurice Cotterell. He thinks the sun is smart. And it throws sparks, those sparks make people. Isn't that amazing? Do you think the pyramids are ancient Lego blocks? I bet the Giants - ya know, Na-pheeel-um (he emphasizes the word with his fake "foreign accent"), built them cuz they used the stone blocks as their own Na-pheel-um Lego's. I will ask Charles Hall like when I asked him if "the Tall Whites used their Super Ray Guns?" (Emily is staring at him, familiar with that interview but still stunned that George asked Hall that question, in all seriousness) I think I will ask callers that, next time I go to open lines...which is more & more often...I have a set list of questions but I am SUCH the Night Hawk, NO ONE can tell I read from a set list of questions...Mommy..Mother tells me how great her Georgie is, at being a rollercoaster".

Emily : "Do you mean broadcaster?"

G.N. : "That's what I said: rollerblading. Edna, aren't you listening?"

Emily : "George, I am not feeling so well..." *He interrupts - again - with his Dr. Snoory scolding tone*

G.N. : "Oh? I bet you didn't take your toomoorick, did you? Headaches and loose bowels are what happen, believe me, when you don't take Carnivora. Besides, we were seeded by Aliens. I know because I dye my hair. Er, I mean I would die to go there...Mars, of course, because it has a brain, too, like the sun. Besides, have you noticed how people are just so wacked-out these days. I mean, I just gotta say, they are ZOMBIES. Something is going on, Eliza. Something is going on. I think it's the camera trails. I do. It's the Kim trails."

Emily : "...um, George, I know you have to be at work in five hours but I have 2 surgeries to perform tomorrow - I want to be my sharpest as brain surgery is intense" (She says this with a sad sigh, not boastfully but to convey how tired...Tired...she really is...) **George, oblivious, keeps prattling on...**

G.N. "Oh, did I mention I am an authority on the Paranormal? Really, it's true. I write books and everything. Sheesh, those Amazon reviews. What do they know? Out of Booty, oops! (his 'stache wiggles as he blushes) Astral Inspection, it happened to me when I was twelve...Oh, I told you that story already? But, that happens when you're intuitive...Esther, where are you going? We have to order still! Wait, this water may cost me. Where's your half of the water tab? Tap water, I know, but still...Esther, come back! You didn't leave me your number!" *Emily is running to grab a cab while she deletes her account on Paranormal Date; as she looks back, she sees Numskull scrolling oh his phone* 

G.N. (yelling into his phone) "Tommy, are you there? Call me when you get this...gotta tell ya, Tom, such a coincidence: this date ended THE SAME exact way as the last three! I know, I know, it's my sharp dressed man attire. The broads just can't handle it".

First, I am compelled to compliment you guys on the great avatars!! I am enjoying B.G. as much for the commentary and equally as much for your clever avatars. Now, as for griping...best to light a candle than curse the darkness...I am hardly a saint, so no kumbiya (how is that spelled, anyway??) sunshine and lollipops for me...we can all gripe but I have to say, in general, obnoxious. self-absorbed types top my list as they inflict so much damage on society from small, to large scale...snods that cut you off on the road to genocidal maniacs...it all stems from narcissism. And then, there's Snorge. For a little levity, I shall be posting what I imagine as a typical date with Snoory from his ParanormalDate site...oh lordy, who let the dogs out!!