John B. Wells

[FallenSeraph]

John B. Wells has sold his soul for a few lousy shekels, much like when John the Baptist sold out Jesus. I don't know what the fuck happened to Mr. Wells, but he's completely flipped his shit. He's selling goddamn RF Shielding Mesh for $252 plus shipping and handling. And he has the balls to act like a God-boy standing up to the gubmint .

At some point in his life he crossed a dark, sad line. When he was doing cigarette commercials for South Africa, I think he still had some integrity. He still had a soul then. He had class. Now he's an empty husk on another sickening get-rich scheme. And the really traged is that people will shell money out for his useless garbage to preserve their precious little selfhoods for a few more days against the inevitable abyss that will consume us all. That money could've went to the Philippines, or animal shelters with a no-kill policy, or a thousand other beneficial places. Instead it goes into John B. Wells indie-jean pockets, right next to his undoubtedly massive and gray genitalia.

This is what alcoholism and/or painkiller addiction can do to a person, though. You end up doing one bad thing you told yourself you'd never do, then you see how easy it is. Then you do something worse, and worse, and eventually you're selling RF shielding mesh over the internet to idiots. And fuuckin geiger counters. What the fuck do I do if I find there's a shit ton of radiation in my house, John? Huh? What the fuck do I do? Get in my car and drive away? And go where? Do I put the fucker on the hood on my car and wait till it quits chirping, then park it, get out and inhale the cool non-irradiated afternoon breeze? And what if it happens to be someone's fucking yard? And what if I happen to have defecated myself in the process?

John, remember the man you were when you were selling cigarettes to South Africans. That man is still there, somewhere deep inside. It's not too late to change, John. Every moment above ground is an opportunity for genuine change. You worthless piece of goblin shit.

I don't think I've laughed so hard in a while, man. Still laughing, in fact. Damn.

[tertiaryimam]

I don't think I've laughed so hard in a while, man. Still laughing, in fact. Damn.

I got a lot of hateful PMs for it. One person even threatened to beat my "bitch azz wit a pair o' nunchakus."

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[West of the Rockies]

Are you being serious, tertiary?  Aren't threatening PM's pretty much a bannable offense at this fine forum?  I've never PM'd anyone who I was angry with.  Go public with a complaint or go home is my thinking....

[tertiaryimam]

Are you being serious, tertiary?  Aren't threatening PM's pretty much a bannable offense at this fine forum?  I've never PM'd anyone who I was angry with.  Go public with a complaint or go home is my thinking....

No I'm totally kidding. I joke around all the time.

If anyone did threaten to beat me up with nun-chucks for dissing John B. Wells, though, I might start believing in God again.

[West of the Rockies]

I got a lot of hateful PMs for it. One person even threatened to beat my "bitch azz wit a pair o' nunchakus."

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Peach-fuzz villain with a 'tude... very scary!  Can we throw this image in the Things I Hate thread?

[tertiaryimam]

Peach-fuzz villain with a 'tude... very scary!  Can we throw this image in the Things I Hate thread?

Go fuzz for it.

[zeebo]

I got a lot of hateful PMs for it. One person even threatened to beat my "bitch azz wit a pair o' nunchakus."

Haters gonna hate, tersh, but you just keep rollin'.

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[Nebraska888]

I just wish John B. Wells would go away.   

[Noorynoid]

I just wish John B. Wells would go away.   

Why? You want more of Noory god forbid? Wells is light years ahead of that chrome sucker George Noory, I still can't believe he's still on the air after all these years, Premier must be run by a bunch of drugged monkeys..

[VtaGeezer]

Why? You want more of Noory god forbid? Wells is light years ahead of that chrome sucker George Noory, I still can't believe he's still on the air after all these years, Premier must be run by a bunch of drugged monkeys..

Hosting skills are one thing; content is another. I'll take bumbling, smarmy Noory over Wells' poisonous radicalizing of a show whose very popularity was largely rooted in escape from those like him who turn people against each other for ratings and ego.

[MikeJ]

Hosting skills are one thing; content is another. I'll take bumbling, smarmy Noory over Wells' poisonous radicalizing of a show whose very popularity was largely rooted in escape from those like him who turn people against each other for ratings and ego.

I agree 100%!  Noory is a witless dolt, Wells is a lunatic.

[Mind Flayer Monk]

Because stupid sells. American culture has manufactured a lot of idiots because that is the assumption taken by big business. That you are all stupid

I think the Peanuts conveyed that perfectly in this clip. Lucy's Jingle Bells

http://youtu.be/zB6E60ykRqw

[cweb]

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[tertiaryimam]

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Gold.

Pure gold.

[TheMan WhoFell ToEarth]

Because he's myyyy butler.

[tertiaryimam]

In honor of Sera Phim:

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[Nebraska888]

Hosting skills are one thing; content is another. I'll take bumbling, smarmy Noory over Wells' poisonous radicalizing of a show whose very popularity was largely rooted in escape from those like him who turn people against each other for ratings and ego.

yep.

[No Name Storm]

In honor of Sera Phim:

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Wow, I'm sorry, but that is one ugly, scary looking dude. I swear, Un-Wells is really channeling Boris Karloff's monster....LOL. What a creepy guy. Ugh. Inside and out.

[norrykilledc2c]

At least Wells tries to set an appropriate tone for the show, with moody music and some colorful language. The bible thumping has got to go though.

[West of the Rockies]

Wow, I'm sorry, but that is one ugly, scary looking dude. I swear, Un-Wells is really channeling Boris Karloff's monster....LOL. What a creepy guy. Ugh. Inside and out.

Well, it's a very subjective thing, but the jacket and black tee-shirt look always strikes me as pretentious.  (Oh, it's comfy as hell, but it always looks kinda hokey....)  The expression on his face and the hairdo combine to create the Frankenstein's monster look.  Marlon Brando wore his hair in a similar fashion for a time.  It works on some folks.  Not un UnWells.

[FallenSeraph]

In honor of Sera Phim:

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Oh be still, my beating uterus! 

[ItsOver]

Well, it's a very subjective thing, but the jacket and black tee-shirt look always strikes me as pretentious.  (Oh, it's comfy as hell, but it always looks kinda hokey....)  The expression on his face and the hairdo combine to create the Frankenstein's monster look.  ...

Just add bolts.

[cweb]

In honor of Sera Phim:

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Is this the start of the John B Wells pickup lines meme?

"You can make my geiger tick."
"I'll shotgun blast your back door."
"Our love will spread like a reactor meltdown."
"I put the FUK in Fukushima"
"Wanna get on my Caravan to Midnight?"

[tertiaryimam]

Is this the start of the John B Wells pickup lines meme?

"You can make my geiger tick."
"I'll shotgun blast your back door."
"Our love will spread like a reactor meltdown."
"I put the FUK in Fukushima"
"Wanna get on my Caravan to Midnight?"

It fuckin' should be. Come on, people! I can't shoulder this load alone. (no homo)

[ItsOver]

Is this the start of the John B Wells pickup lines meme?...

"You can brew me a proper cup of tea, anytime."

[FallenSeraph]

Is this the start of the John B Wells pickup lines meme?

"You can make my geiger tick."
"I'll shotgun blast your back door."
"Our love will spread like a reactor meltdown."
"I put the FUK in Fukushima"
"Wanna get on my Caravan to Midnight?"

"You can brew me a proper cup of tea, anytime."

Laughing so hard I am crying.

"I put the FUK in Fukushima" BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

That's hot.

[tertiaryimam]

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[ItsOver]

"The Mothership is ready to cruise into your port, baby."

[FallenSeraph]

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I wonder if he's married?

I wish JBW would log in here, if only to talk dirty to me, his one rabid fan. Look, John â€" I have a charming smile and big teeth! And my skin isn't that radiation-orange shade anymore, I swear! And that's not my kid either!

[attachimg=1]

We could share a couple of MREs by candlelight and then make sweet love on a pile of Hazmat suits in a bunker somewhere.

John?  JOHN??

[West of the Rockies]

Uh, I can do a very passable Wells impression... would that do?