First time dad Destroyed by society

[bark john]

I'm sorry for there being no punctuation or anything I just need to get this out of my head
I'm 22 years old I'm having a baby with my beautiful wife she has been pregnant for about 5 or so months she has eaten more things then I have ever seen a living being eat for the first 4 months it was my job to get her food when she was not feeling like getting up at all hours of the night and to wash and bath her when she wasn't feeling well . I work at a job I hate more then anything but the money's good $15 so can't really complain it's third shift the graveyard shifty 11 pm to 7 am my wife works3 days a week so she is home more then I am so after my shift I come home to a mess the house is destroyed because she went on an eating spree so before I try to go to sleep I usually have to clean up wqher mess and do the chores she was supposed to do like feed our pets and pick up the house alittle all I wish to do when I walk in the door is sleep once I get in the bed I get about 3 hours of sleep before she insists I be up with her when we are awake she wants me to make her food and get her things from the store that are wildly expensive even through she knows two bites in she won't want it anymore and Ill will find it a week later in the couch cushions or under the bed even though she swears to me when I got it for her she had eaten it . anyway
Once I've gotten her what she needs I try to suggest we watch something or play video games but mostly she shakes her head at anything I want to do that seems even remotely fun to me and even when she does do what I wanna do for once she often acts so miserable it ruined it for me so we often do what she wants to so we don't get into conflict. NOW when we go to appointments for the pregnancy I am ignored as if I am not their the doctors never turn their heads to congratulate the both of us or ask if I have any questions (I'm just the dad) when we are out and about she gets a congratulations I hope your excited from strangers but I get nothing nothing at all I'm only the one that carrys you when your feet hurt no matter the distance the one to grab all the heavy bags to be their when you need me and thrown to the side when your bored the butler with only one true name (dad) why don't we get praise? Do people really think we truly had no part in the creation of this growing child? Why is it all about her? Why has society accepted that it's is okay to throw men to the wind once their significant other has been impregnated? That my life now has no meaning nor place in the life of my unborn child's future men everywhere have just accepted the fact that woman are allowed to do this to us there are thousands of websites for woman who are having trouble with coping with pregnancy and the fact that they will be a parent soon but only a handful of not less for men and young soon to be fathers I talked to my wife's doctor about their being support groups for dads and I got laughed out the door every time I bring my opinion about the situation to other woman they laugh as well.what's so funny? I'm just as scared as she is I don't want the woman I love to be in pain. This is my first child and I don't know what the hell im going to do either by she has lots of places to turn to and I have no one (dad) just dives right on in and if he drowns it wasn't meant to be....because you know... (I'm just the dad)

[ZaZa]

FUCK OFF - TOO LONG DIDN'T READ IT (..actually I read only first line and started vomiting)
Don't give a shit about you and your story if you don't know how to properly presented.

[chefist]

(I'm just the dad)

Pussy...that's what being a dad means. Grow a pair and STFU.

[Rogue Wolf]

www.BlogGab.com/user/bark_john

[paladin1991]

I'm sorry for there being no punctuation or anything I just need to get this out of my head
I'm 22 years old I'm having a baby with my beautiful wife she has been pregnant for about 5 or so months she has eaten more things then I have ever seen a living being eat for the first 4 months it was my job to get her food when she was not feeling like getting up at all hours of the night and to wash and bath her when she wasn't feeling well . I work at a job I hate more then anything but the money's good $15 so can't really complain it's third shift the graveyard shifty 11 pm to 7 am my wife works3 days a week so she is home more then I am so after my shift I come home to a mess the house is destroyed because she went on an eating spree so before I try to go to sleep I usually have to clean up wqher mess and do the chores she was supposed to do like feed our pets and pick up the house alittle all I wish to do when I walk in the door is sleep once I get in the bed I get about 3 hours of sleep before she insists I be up with her when we are awake she wants me to make her food and get her things from the store that are wildly expensive even through she knows two bites in she won't want it anymore and Ill will find it a week later in the couch cushions or under the bed even though she swears to me when I got it for her she had eaten it . anyway
Once I've gotten her what she needs I try to suggest we watch something or play video games but mostly she shakes her head at anything I want to do that seems even remotely fun to me and even when she does do what I wanna do for once she often acts so miserable it ruined it for me so we often do what she wants to so we don't get into conflict. NOW when we go to appointments for the pregnancy I am ignored as if I am not their the doctors never turn their heads to congratulate the both of us or ask if I have any questions (I'm just the dad) when we are out and about she gets a congratulations I hope your excited from strangers but I get nothing nothing at all I'm only the one that carrys you when your feet hurt no matter the distance the one to grab all the heavy bags to be their when you need me and thrown to the side when your bored the butler with only one true name (dad) why don't we get praise? Do people really think we truly had no part in the creation of this growing child? Why is it all about her? Why has society accepted that it's is okay to throw men to the wind once their significant other has been impregnated? That my life now has no meaning nor place in the life of my unborn child's future men everywhere have just accepted the fact that woman are allowed to do this to us there are thousands of websites for woman who are having trouble with coping with pregnancy and the fact that they will be a parent soon but only a handful of not less for men and young soon to be fathers I talked to my wife's doctor about their being support groups for dads and I got laughed out the door every time I bring my opinion about the situation to other woman they laugh as well.what's so funny? I'm just as scared as she is I don't want the woman I love to be in pain. This is my first child and I don't know what the hell im going to do either by she has lots of places to turn to and I have no one (dad) just dives right on in and if he drowns it wasn't meant to be....because you know... (I'm just the dad)

Tl:DR

I read the first words.  "I'm sorry."  Shit, is this supposed to by another scree by some douche who fucked up his kid and now it's gay?  And somehow, somehow, everybody in this forum is responsible for his not being accepted?  I dunno, cause it was too long and I didn't read it.  Just the first two words.

What the fucks wrong with you?  Grow a pair.  Fuck off.  Post often..

[paladin1991]

www.BlogGab.com/user/bark_john

Linky No Worky.

[ZaZa]

Linky No Worky.

www.BlogGab.com/user/bark_john

try this one, you dummy:
www.BlogGab.com/user/paladin1991

[paladin1991]

www.BlogGab.com/user/bark_john

try this one, you dummy:
www.BlogGab.com/user/paladin1991

Nnnnnope.  not found.  You got it wrong.   Again.

[ZaZa]

Nnnnnope.  not found.  You got it wrong.   Again.

you must click on it and hold the "Enter" button at the same time.

[Inglorious Bitch]

I'm sorry for there being no punctuation or anything I just need to get this out of my head
I'm 22 years old I'm having a baby with my beautiful wife she has been pregnant for about 5 or so months she has eaten more things then I have ever seen a living being eat for the first 4 months it was my job to get her food when she was not feeling like getting up at all hours of the night and to wash and bath her when she wasn't feeling well . I work at a job I hate more then anything but the money's good $15 so can't really complain it's third shift the graveyard shifty 11 pm to 7 am my wife works3 days a week so she is home more then I am so after my shift I come home to a mess the house is destroyed because she went on an eating spree so before I try to go to sleep I usually have to clean up wqher mess and do the chores she was supposed to do like feed our pets and pick up the house alittle all I wish to do when I walk in the door is sleep once I get in the bed I get about 3 hours of sleep before she insists I be up with her when we are awake she wants me to make her food and get her things from the store that are wildly expensive even through she knows two bites in she won't want it anymore and Ill will find it a week later in the couch cushions or under the bed even though she swears to me when I got it for her she had eaten it . anyway
Once I've gotten her what she needs I try to suggest we watch something or play video games but mostly she shakes her head at anything I want to do that seems even remotely fun to me and even when she does do what I wanna do for once she often acts so miserable it ruined it for me so we often do what she wants to so we don't get into conflict. NOW when we go to appointments for the pregnancy I am ignored as if I am not their the doctors never turn their heads to congratulate the both of us or ask if I have any questions (I'm just the dad) when we are out and about she gets a congratulations I hope your excited from strangers but I get nothing nothing at all I'm only the one that carrys you when your feet hurt no matter the distance the one to grab all the heavy bags to be their when you need me and thrown to the side when your bored the butler with only one true name (dad) why don't we get praise? Do people really think we truly had no part in the creation of this growing child? Why is it all about her? Why has society accepted that it's is okay to throw men to the wind once their significant other has been impregnated? That my life now has no meaning nor place in the life of my unborn child's future men everywhere have just accepted the fact that woman are allowed to do this to us there are thousands of websites for woman who are having trouble with coping with pregnancy and the fact that they will be a parent soon but only a handful of not less for men and young soon to be fathers I talked to my wife's doctor about their being support groups for dads and I got laughed out the door every time I bring my opinion about the situation to other woman they laugh as well.what's so funny? I'm just as scared as she is I don't want the woman I love to be in pain. This is my first child and I don't know what the hell im going to do either by she has lots of places to turn to and I have no one (dad) just dives right on in and if he drowns it wasn't meant to be....because you know... (I'm just the dad)

Google "parent support groups", "parenting groups" and "single father groups" (even though you are not single, they may be of help) in your area.

[Jojo]

Linky No Worky.

Matching t-shirts with your wife might help people remember dads are people too.  There are so many pregnant women who are not married that people have lost touch with fatherhood.  Strangers might be afraid to assume you are the father.  Stand close to her, put your arm around her or you hand near her belly protectively to signal you are happy about the pregnancy, that its not her ex's baby.  Wear the same kind of jackets to be seen as a unit.

After the baby is born, your wife is probably going to get a lot less attention, even though she will actually need more. 

For years to come, people will know you as the dad.  Pregnancy is only 9 months.  Your time to shine is coming.

I hate to say it, but for your relationship stuff, you need solutions right away.  Was she this way before she got pregnant?  There are a lot of women out there who must work up until labor, and who return to work in 2 weeks after labor.  Because they contribute financially to the hohsehold.  Im not saying thats good, but your wife is really being self-indulgent and childish by some standards.  Get into a Manly forum, take the bull by the horns, and straighten her out.  Unless you want to be Cinderella cleaning bon bon cartons out from under Princess's bed forever!  Reward good behavior.  When she is bad, YOU pick up food for dinner which is convenient for you.  When she is mature, then indulge her fickle whims.  If she breaks the bank wasting food, GO to the food bank instead of financially going nuts.  Let her know.  Make her go.  Most food banks will serve anyone having financial difficulty, although depending on your income some might limit the types of food you can get.  But, church food banks serve everyone regardless of income amount.  And make her clean and cook the food.  I am not a chauvanist, I just think she is draining you irresponsibility, which is bad for the family unit. 

Tough love in the early stages can nip problems in the bud which otherwise could have plagued you for life.  Men, and really anyone, who is disrespected in the early relationship years, often find themselves in abuse later (financial, emotional abuse).  Demanding respect in the beginning will ensure your years to come are happy.

You have barely begun with this woman, and you are disatisfied (understandably).  Proceed cautiously, like use birth control.  She has already shown you she is irresponsible with resources, so be careful how many mouths you have to feed.  Dont get pets if you can avoid it.  If you and she ever split, it will be hard to find an apt that takes pets.  Use birth control and dont trust her lying ass if she pretends to take the pill.  She has been dishonest in small matters so dont trust her too far in large matters.

Her character defects must be working for you to some extent, because you chose her.  So remember that even though im being hard on her, obviously you get something out of the relationship or you wouldnt have started a family.  But do get her under control.  Try Al-Anon, CODA, ACoA, or other support groups.  Maybe she is not an addict, but her family of origin sounds dysfunctional.

With a parnter like her, keep you man friendships up.  Know your neighbors (there are free websites for that), find a place of worship, establish yourself to people.  Because with a wife like her, you are going to need a support network to fall back on for emotional, social, and possibly financial help when you need it.  If she could just work 10 hours a week, that would really help you.  Sometimes the department if social services will pay a relative to watch your child.  I know women who have worked during pregnancy, even when the had morning sickness and had to vomit in waste basket.  All day.  And were right back at work 2 weeks after the baby was born.  Not everyone can do that, but every woman can do something to help.  I dont think she would waste food if she were paying for it, carrying it home, cleaning it, putting it away, preparing it, and storing leftovers.

It is dangerous for a baby to be in a messy, cluttered house.  Babies put everything in their mouths and if little crap is all over, they could choke.  She needs to clean up.  Absolutely no plastic wrappers or bags should be anywhere near the floor or crib - there is a suffocation warning written right on them.  Until the baby is strong enough, manually support his/her neck with your hand.  Most babies learn to sit before their neck is strong enough to work right.  I think that only lasts a few months.

Do NOT let her home school because your child is going to need a strong suppkrg system too.  Whi h he/she wont get if at home every day with hef.  Plus, you dont want it to become a Mom and Kid versus the husband situation.  She could gang up on you.  You could feel even more left out than you do now!!!!!!!!!! So get that kid in preschool, kindergarten, head start or whatever and save your personal days (if you get any) so you can attend his/her t-ball game, ballet, or recital!

You could end up feeling even more left out than you do now, so dont let her home school.  Get the child into school and hobbies/sports.  Ones that dont require a lot of money, so probably through the public schools or MeetUp groups.

Children shouldn't be exposed to disruptive problems, and it sounds like you are borderline being psychologically abused.  It happens a lot; you are not the only one.  Open a bank account just for you and staft saving a tiny little bit at a time in case the shit hits the fan some night and you have to leave the house.  Do you want to be bedraggled and puffy faced from having to sleep in the car, or do you want to be in control with a debit card for a motel so you can be clean for work the next day.  She doesnt need to know about it, and if you passsword protect your online statement, she never will know about it.

If I were you, and if I thought I could pull it off, I would go stay with relatives.  I would intend to come back when the baby is birn, but i would not tell her that.  I would tell her whatever ultimatums you learn from some manly websites (like "lady, shape up") and that you need some space until she cleans up and respects your food.  This is the only opportune time you will have, because the pregnancy provides the perfect reason for you to lay down some laws with her ("set boundaries") because maturity is needed FOR THE BABY.  You will never have such a good excuse to reform her character into a clean, organized, frugal, honest parent of your child.

Write down briefly the dates and times she screws up, and what happened, in case down the road you realize the emotional abuse and decide to get serious like with a restraining order.  Sometimes men who are emotionally abused snap, and if you snap you could get into trouble, but it would help you get leniency if you show your documentation of her abuse (which should stay in a locked box in the trunk of your car.  If you use a binder and 3-ring paper, you can just keep adding to it easily.

Keep an overnight bag somewhere, where you can access it 24/7, especially late at night when family blow outs happen most.  Remember to put some non-perishable tasty food in it, like a pop open can of chile.  And spoons. And I dont mean to state to obvious, but if she ever sets you up and calls the cops, LEAVE immediatelh unkess you want to spend the night in jail.  If she ever starts screaming for no reason, she could be in cahoots with a neighbor to set you up to be arrested.  So, get to know your neignbors a little and if the start acting funny to you ine day, remember she could be the reason and just pay attention so you can leave for a while if things get out of control.  If the cops do come, you wont hear sirens and they are allowed to bafge in without any warrant if they believe domestic violence happened.  Also, they MUST arrest someone in cases where anyone was slapped, spat on, kicked, or worse.  It wont matter if you are the one bleeding, either.  They will side with the person whose words they think are most innocent.  Dont admit anything, say you want a lawyer.  There are free and low income public defenders for which you might qualify.  If the police merely ask you if you have anhwhere else you can stay for the night, say YES even if it means sleeping in your car.  Because if you say no, they will jail you to separate the two of you for the night.  Maybe you already know.

I know you're tired, but can you get in with a church?  One closeby with strong men's and family programs.  God can help you with your marriage, and attending services will keep God on your mind.  I dont think of God as a vending machine but God IS a resource.  Everyone knows there's a Creator.  The Jews have worshipped since the start of the western world, and tney can prove it with their history records.  I know religion has been twisted, the Bible transcribed with bias, and all denominations "cherry pick" what they like and what they avoid, so religion is not perfect.  But, I deal with people, situations, and things that are far from perfect every day.  You dont just opt out because something has flaws.  If you stick to the basics (Church of God is pretty basic), and keep it simple, church is a good habit to establish.  Even if you dont stick to the basics, but examine religion and history carefully, it is still a good idea.  Everything is online now, so any old arguments against religion are easy to decifer.  Like, the contradictions in Genesis are now explained online in terms most people can come to mske sense of.  There are so many websites all explaining things like that, so people can find the major truths by comparing to see what makes sense.  The Greek and Hebrew original words ("etymology") are online!  I dont know how Bible colleges are staying in business.  You could Google Gen 1:1 or any verse, and it pops right up on the screen.  Religion has been layed out bare via the Internet.

When dealing with your wife, some of the values of Christianity might help you.  Jesus was an instigator.  He had a temper.  He argued with people.  It is Christian to get angry.  And there are degrees of forgiveness.  Like, you can forgive someone but never tell them. Or, you can decide to forgive AND reconcile.  I dont express forgiveness out loud until the other person has apologized, made amends, and continued to be amenable.  Jesus never said be a doormat.  When he said turn the other cheek, experts have analyzed the oginal language and the results are online in a variety of opinions so we can find the truth.  I think he meant, "Take the high road.  Kill them with kindness," but I dont think he meant for people to continue to let themselves be taken advantage of.

In Bible terms, you have chosen to be Martha.  Your wife has chosen to be Mary.  Martha was responsible, but Jesus sided with Mary on the day when Mary was slacking while Jesus got his feet treated with fragrant oils.  I would like you to observe you and your wife in Mary-Martha terms.  I think its funny Jesus sides with your wife in some ways.  There are times for wasting resources and being a ljttle derelict.

Im sorry to bring the Bible i to this because inknow it will upset people.  Im not a Bible thumper.  I have a lot of issues with the Bible.  BUT, Christianity can bring peace.  It is not always easy but if a person wakes up and analyzes a situation, looking for their own sins too, a lot of fixes can be found.  Things that start out as anger, selfishness, greed, martyrdom, etc... can end up beautifully straightened out with true patience, compassion, and love.  Since you have chosen a woman with some glaring flaws, why not get into relationship help from a Christian angle.  When I look for relationship help online, almost all the time the Christian sites get to the bottom of things.  Other sites will just recommend separating from her and starting over with someone else, but life is short so it is better to lay your roots down if you think the relationship is worth it, which it is, not that you have a child together.

Maybe he will look like you - then you'll get some oooohs and awwwws!

Best wishes! 

[Jojo]

www.BlogGab.com/user/bark_john

Linky No Worky.

Her doctors attitude is stupid, but what would one expect from a medical school graduate.  They have been sleep deprived and so stressed that they have no time for critical thinking so bssically they hsve to accept indoctrination which narrows their thought processes.

Consider finding insurance that covers a holistic doctor, a naturopath.  They are allowed to treat the whole body, and promote wellness.  Not just look for disesse, make prescriptions and do surgery.  Naturopaths can prescribe herbs, homeopathic remedies (gentle meds with no side effects), accupressure, massage, chiropractic, nutritional supplements, Asian medicine, etc...  Most insurance wont cover it, but some will cover some of it.  Some Regence plans allow massage.  Corporate jobs tend to have better insurance, and union jobs.

Maybe you already do , but try to move up the management chain now, while you are young.  She will respect you more. Most workers stay at the bottom so be patient, as there is not much room in management.  Google how to move up.  Read industry literature. You are young enough to have time to bide your time and jump when opportunity comes.  Success is when preparedness meets opportunity.  Kiss up, blah, blah, should be fine as long as its a good company.  Get on LinkedIn and use it.  Find employers with management opportunities.  The 401K and pensions really are worth it.  If you contribute to a 401K, yes your paycheck will be less but your taxes will be less, too, so saving costs less than you think.  It is ok to save even if you have debt.

A 401K can sometimes be cashed out (or loaned back to you) for emergencies, or buying a first home but it can take a few weeks.

im pretty sure Al-Anon can help you and get you a sponsor free of charge.  Sure, its an hour a week plus minutes with sponsor, but you will get your sanity back.  If alcohol is not your girl's problem, and if the sponsor makes an issue of it, just claim you suspect your gf struggles with depression or anxiety, and Al-Anon will let you in.  Some meetings are open grouos, anyone can come.  Other meetings, only families if alcoholics (or other serious behavior problems) can come.

Keep Googling mens groups because new things happen, so maybe check every time your insurance is renewed.  Craigslist forums can be helpful.  I dont think she would waste food if she were really paying for it, carrying it home, cleaning it, putting it away, preparing it, and storing leftovers.


Teach Her This-------------------

I have a very hard time believing a woman couldnt bathe herself.  Consider getting a place with a larger tub (garden tub) if she is going to be this way next time.  A woman who puts 2 cups of sea salt or Epsom salt in a warm bath and soaks for 15 minutes is clean enough even if she only scrubs her arm pits.  Bathing doesnt have to be daily.  Consider a showerhead with a hose so she can spray clean her nether regions.  A thin, long, lighweght, quick-drying towel designed for polishing a car, can be an excellent bath strap for a woman.  Or go to the Japanese dollar fifty store and get her a bathstrap for her nether region.  I know women in their 90s half-dead who can shower themselves so i think your gf was conning you, or too stupid to figure out a way to soap, strap, or spray clean.  I know a woman who had a stroke and can only use one arm, but she keeps her body clean uncomplainingly.


Putting Baby First------------------------

It is dangerous for a baby to be in a messy, cluttered house.  Babies put everything in their mouths and if little crap is all over, they could choke.  She needs to clean up.  Absolutely no plastic wrappers or bags should be anywhere near the floor or crib - there is a suffocation warning written right on them.  Until the baby is strong enough, manually support his/her neck with your hand.  Most babies learn to sit before their neck is strong enough to work right.  I think that only lasts a few months.

Divorces are handed out like candy nowadays.  Dont do it if you can help it.  I know a boy who had to live out of a back pack, between two homes, all through school.  Not fair.  Our children are not hobos, gypsies, migrants, nomads.  When he grew up and went to college, he had no  "home" to go to during long school breaks.  Every holiday was a pressure of which parent to see when.  Children should not have to prioritize and schedule family members.

However, if you are neglected or abused by your wife, divorce might help your child, if you can get custody.  Single parents often qualify for food "stamps", free childcare and cash assistance.  If you get on free foof, it comes with a monthly set of cell phone minutes, a $45 value too, and medical insurance.  You might qualify for HUD low income housing through both your city ss well as county too.


Proactively Guard Your Future Child Bond/Custody----------------------------

Do NOT let her home school because your child is going to need a strong support system too.  Which he/she wont get if at home every day with her.  Plus, you dont want it to become a Mom and Kid versus the husband situation.  She could gang up on you.  You could feel even more left out than you do now!!!!!!!!!! So get that kid in preschool, kindergarten, head start or whatever and save your personal days (if you get any) so you can attend his/her t-ball game, ballet, or recital!

You could end up feeling even more left out than you do now, so dont let her home school.  Get the child into school and hobbies/sports.  Ones that dont require a lot of money, so probably through the public schools or MeetUp groups.


Men Are Domestic Violence Victims Sometimes------------------------

Why not learn the names, numbers, and admissions policies of shelters in advance.  Be careful because if you say you are fleeing domestic violence, they might refuse to serve you, in order to say they have to protect their other clients from violence if she shows up looking for you.  Become familiar with domestic violence shelters and their policies about men.  It is perfectly acceptable to sleep a night in a shelter once in a while to avoud her keeping you up all night.  Get off graveyard or find a shelter or friend or church who can let you sleep.  211 is the number to call to get started, or go online.  The Internet is weird bec sometimes you cant find what you are looking for unless you totally change the words.  She doesnt need to know about any of this and if you passsword protect your online statement, she never will know about the extra account.

If I were you, and if I thought I could pull it off, I would go stay with relatives altogether for the time being.  I would intend to come back when the baby is born, but i would not tell her that.  I would tell her whatever ultimatums you learn from some manly websites (like "lady, shape up") and that you need some space until she cleans up and respects your food.  This is the only opportune time you will have, because the pregnancy provides the perfect reason for you to lay down some laws with her ("set boundaries") because maturity is needed FOR THE BABY.  You will never have such a good excuse to reform her character into a clean, organized, frugal, honest parent of your child.

Write down briefly the dates and times she screws up, and what happened, in case down the road you realize the emotional abuse and decide to get serious like with a restraining order.  The easiest way is on a dollar store monthly calendar.  Just jot it down on the day it happened, like, "Lied about eating the expensive meal she requested".  You can put extra notes on the blank days (Most months have a few blanks) or in the front ir back, just be sure to write their date next to them, and out a star on the main note so you know there are extra notes.  The notes will only interest you, or a judge at some point.  Cops probably wont ever read them, but if they see you have notes, they will weigh that in your favor.  Sometimes men who are emotionally abused snap, and if you snap you could get into trouble, but it would help you get leniency if you show your documentation of her abuse (which should stay in a locked box in the trunk of your car.  Another way to document is tu use a binder and 3-ring paper, you can just keep adding to it easily. Stored in a locked case or locked brief case in your trunk.  You never kniw when you will need to show it, so always be with it. 

If a real physical dispute happens (throwing, scratching, ripping doors, poisoning, biting, kicking, slapping, threatening with a sharp or heavy instrument, hurting pets, hurting the baby, etc...) then make sure YOU are the first person to call 911, not her.  Even if the cops dont help, they will have a record that YOU called for help so they will fugure you are probably not  "the abuser" unless there is evidence.

Keep an overnight bag somewhere, where you can access it 24/7, especially late at night when family blow outs happen most.  Remember to put some non-perishable tasty food in it, like a pop open can of chile.  And spoons. And I dont mean to state to obvious, but if she ever sets you up and calls the cops, LEAVE immediately unless you want to spend the night in jail.  If she ever starts screaming for no reason, she could be in cahoots with a neighbor to set you up to be arrested.  So, get to know your neignbors a little and if the start acting funny to you ine day, remember she could be the reason and just pay attention so you can leave for a while if things get out of control.  If the cops do come, you wont hear sirens and they are allowed to bafge in without any warrant if they believe domestic violence happened.  Also, they MUST arrest someone in cases where anyone was slapped, spat on, kicked, or worse.  It wont matter if you are the one bleeding, either.  They will side with the person whose words they think are most innocent.  Dont admit anything, say you want a lawyer.  There are free and low income public defenders for which you might qualify.  If the police merely ask you if you have anhwhere else you can stay for the night, say YES even if it means sleeping in your car.  Because if you say no, they will jail you to separate the two of you for the night.  Maybe you already know.


Frugality---------------------------

You know the tricks, right?  Your family will probably qualify for food stamps.  Home cooking is cheapest by a long shot.  Eating fast food is a rip off financially and to your waistline.  Dollar stores and dollar fifty stores are the way to go.  But for major purchases, buy the most suitable, long-lasting stuff you can even if it is refurbished or second hand, and take care of it.  If she wont take care of possessions, then do the opposite and always buy cheap stuff.  Steak goes a lot further if you serve a little chicken at the same meal.  Everyone needs a treat now and then, but generally speaking, mix the crap in from the food bank with your good food, like gave a couple good cuts of meat once in a while, but take the rest and stretch a casserole or meatloaf or Hamburger Helper with it.  Onions are very cheap and nutritious when softened in a frying pan, with a little water or oil.  Any meal can seem just a little bigger if you always stir in some fried onion or bell pepper or whatever you have.  Oatmeal with peanut butter is wholesome and simple.  Your manliness actually needs cruciferous veggies, so decide how you like them, raw or stir fried. Dont be afraid to stir in a little cheap pork or hotdogs to stretch a meal and give flavor, even if the main meat is something else.  When cooking veggies, always add a few grains of salt. We are suposed toneat 1/4 tdp salt a day and you might nit get enough if you home cook.  Most people get too much salt via canned and processed and fadt food, but with hime cooking, a tad of salt helps your thyroid and a tad of pepper helps release the nutrients from the vegetables into your body.

Only put on your plate what you plan to eat, so you can store extra in portion sizes in the freezer.  In which case, I do recommend microwaving in the plastic later, unless you can afford glass containers.  I find masking tape and a black marker work great on freezer containers.  Rotate your stock at times so the oldest supply is used first usually.  Grated cheese freezes fine.  Get a crock pot and if you have bones on hand, and in the freezer, cook them in water until they fall apart. The geletin stuff is not fat.   Compress and strain it all, to get a calcium-rich soup base, and then add your cooked meat and vegetables, and garlic and onions for flavor. Or bacon bits, bits of pork, or seasonings.  Keep the bones and garbage out if pets' reach.  The soup base was free because the bones would have been wasted anyway. I think if you put a "game hen" in the crock, by the time you get home for work, the boes are dissolved.  Just strain it in case.  But a real chicken can take a couple days.

Remember, the larger the cut, the longer a veggie takes to stir fry (in water, oil, butter, palm oil, or just on teflon).  So, if you "forgot" to add a veggie and remember it late, you can still add it at the end, just grate it or chop it finely or thinky so it cooks fast.  Likewise, if you have a lot of chopping to do, start with a few large ir thick ghard chunks like carrots, potato, stalk stems (minus the tough ends!)in the pan to get things moving along.  Then you can cut smaller pieces and add them in because they wont take so long.

As a rule, dont burn fragiles like broccoli heads, garlic, celery or leafy greens.  Those tiny little balls which make up each little broccoli area burn in one second!  The stalk is more durable.  I chop the outer tough part off and cook the soft inner stem.  But the heads you either boil, or monitor very carefully. If anything starts to burn, remove from heat and add stir in a little water.  If your smoke alarm goes off, it will stop if you shake out a bath towel at it a few hard times.  That works better in the beginning, then opening a window helps.  Its good to use the fan above the range.

As a rule, start with a hot fry pan to sear the outside of vegetables and meat to bring out the flavor.  Then turn the heat down and let the food soften and cook to the inside slowly.  This is trickier if you are adding as you go, but you can stack food on top if itself in the pan to protect it from byrning, if you have new pieces to sear for flavor and add.  Or, you can scoot the stuff to the side, like a wok would, add the new stuff to be seared, then spatula the already cooking stuff ONTO the new stuff to protect the aleady cooked stuff from burning.  After the flavor is seared in the new add-ons, then turn the heat down again to gently cook the insides.  These tips will help you prepare a delicious, nutritious, fresh, savory, fragrant meal in 15 minutes.  Have your carbs on another burner, like rice, noodles, tortillas if you need carbs.

Dont waste time paring fruit to cut the core out.  Just chop apples and mangoes squarely around the core, off center, in about four slices.  The little bit of core waste is worth the saved time.  To cut avocado, do slice it longways down the middle, then separate the halves as the pit clings to one half.  After you slice each half longways again, the pit usualky just falls out.  Home cooking is SO much cheaper, Dear!  You can toss thick veggies into a foil lined cake pan or roast pan and cook at 350 for about 80 minutes to have no-fuss savory potatoes, carrots, red bell peppers, broccoli, asparagus, onion, cauliflower, corn, etc... with your meat.  An eggplant cooked at 350 until soft all the way through becomes melted all through, which can help stretch dips and sauces (via the blender), or is just delicious by itself or with some cream cheese on grilled bread (grill the bread first, then top it and nuke it again).  Yams and squash can be tasty, with butter or brown sugar and butter.  Broil the salted seeds afterward for a hormone boost!  If the food bank gives you industrial size paks of frozen berries, repak them into portions, freeze, and use them to stretch pancake batter, yogurt, and oatmeal.  Remember you can fry sandwiches, or get a sandwich griller.  Fruit is more filling than sweets.  Dont let it rot, though, market frequently.  It is good for hormones, and cheap, to have liver a few times per year, whether in a deli pate hidden in your favorite dip, or in a soup base from canned pate, or eaten straight like liver and onions.  Bacon will make it taste better, too.  You need fish on occassion, and I dont mean fish sticks.  Just roll some white fish in cornmeal ir flour, and cook it on the burner.

If you have fatty cuts of meat, use the brojpiler pan so the fat slinks down away from the meat. If a soup seems oily, refrigerate it.  The fat will rise to the top so you can fork or spoon the fat off into the garbage.  The geletin stuff is not fat.  Its geletin and just fine.

Do you cream your coffee?  A can if evaporated milk works just as well and where i live its at least twice as cheap as liquid creamer.

Save gas by doing errands after work or several at once.  Her little nighttime fits for groceries are absurd.  You know mileage is a 50 cent per mile value in your vehicle, so a 3.5 mile tripmis 7 miles round trip, which at 50 cents per mile, is a $3.50 value on TOP if the cost of her treat!  Limit indulgent errands like that to just one per quarter, if you can keep somevtreats in the freezer ahead of time.  I would keep them bagged so she is not tempted to go ape shit and eat them all right away.  Out of sight, out of mind.


Your Manliness---------------------

Plastics and other petroleum products like engine exhaust are disrupting male hormones.  Mens websites, espevially body building ones, can teach you how to guard your hormones through cruciferous vegetables, nuts, and plenty of other easy stuff including exercise.  You dont have to be interested in body building to kearn howvto optimize your hormones.  And dont spend time breathing behind tail pipes or microwaving in cheapo plastic containers. Avoid drinks which have gotten warm in plastic bottles, even during transport.  Given her mistreatment of you, I also recommend choosing a martial art.  I am pretty sure u watch tv, so you have the time!

Choose one thing in life that you will not comoromise on in your household. Why not make it a little thing which will irk her.  Not TO irk her, but to show her you have a spine.  Like something you do every day without fail no matter how much she resists, cajoals, disrupts, whatever.  As in, I have a discipline outside of you, girl.  I pack a healthy lunch.  Or, I exercise 20 minutes.  Or, I sleep until my shift.  Or, I go to my group.  Or, I keep my car clean.  Maybe make it something you actually font really care about, so if she hassles you, you wont really be affected.  But something to tell her to back off while you practise a form of managing her, experimenting to see how she responds.  A separate monthly calendar can help you watch for patterns in her behavior, like does she always waste more right before rent has to be paid, or does she misbehave on her period, or just weekends, or just before the full moon, or the new moon, or when her pot or prescription runs out, or whatever.  Once you have her figured out, then plan ahead for a night out with your friends on days she is likely to be a brat anyway.


Her Passive-Aggressiveness------------------------

It stems from hidden anger.  So............ take a look at ways you might not realize you have angered her.  It could be she is not on board with some of your decisions, but she needs you so she is afraid to confront you.  Its good to be manly, but try to encourage her to speak up.  One way to practise letting her get comfortable with speaking up is to do something you know will hurt her feelings, but nothing really serious, like drink the last of the milk but leave the carton in the fridge.  Or use a clean fabric of hers as a snot rag (putting it in the dirty laundry of course).  Or let the tp run out.  Of course, pretend you were in a justifiable hurry, or had no idea you did anything wrong!! Then, if she speaks up, be really nice about it, which will encourage her to have confidence to start trusting you more.  Im not saying she doesnt trust you, you sound like a saint, but she might be afraid to express anger.  It is good to have a wrapped present ready for her and hidden during this experimentation, in case things go haywire.  But you will learn more from this, bec you will see how she manages some anger which you might not know about.

You sound nice to me, entirely.  But she could be angry inside over little thingd like your shift times, or anything she thinjs is condescending or if you ever act superior or judgmental.  Of course, im not saying its wrong to exhort her, but uf she cant cope and stuffs anger than it complicates relationship problems.

And learn how to wow her, like when she is up to being frisky, use those mens sites to become expert at understanding womens sexual needs (99% of which is simply affection).  Make sure she climaxes even if you have to get a vibrator.  Each woman is different and her, uh, sweet spot is delicate to the point of ouch, so touching her through her clothes as a buffer can be good.  You sound like the type of guy who puts her needs first, so thats good. 


Best wishes------------------

Maybe the child will look like you - then you'll get some oooohs and awwwws!

Okay well, take the advice you like and toss the rest.  These are just ideas.  I hope you find some brothers!!!

Best wishes! 

[paladin1991]

*snip*
Best wishes!

WTF.  Wall of text.  TL;DfuckingR

[paladin1991]

JoJo, nobody is reading your shit.  Go fuck yourself.

post often.

[Jojo]

JoJo, nobody is reading your shit.  Go fuck yourself.

post often.

Ok.

[Lilith]

JoJo, nobody is reading your shit.  Go fuck yourself.

post often.

Hey wait...

I read JoJo's shit sometimes.

What does that mean?

[Jackstar]

Why has society accepted that it's is okay to throw men to the wind

So we can fly.

[Agent : Orange]

post often.

haha