Art Bell

[DanTSX]

I miss Art Bell.

There. I said it.  F*ck you if you don't like it.

I got sick of his shit.

[NowhereInTime]

I got sick of his shit.

I can see that.  His last go-round was like a one time Cy Young pitcher who's lost his fastball.  His David Paulides interview was so aloof it was disconcerting.  Nonetheless, Art vs sNoory? I think if you dug Art up now he would do a better show than Jorch.  Even Richard Syrett, who I like as host despite his wingnuttiness, isn't Art.

I used to really enjoy Ian but there's just a weird edge to him these days that makes him hit or miss.

There's only so much Knapp, and he's making noise like he may be "winding down, folks".

I'm becoming the old crank who fondly remembers the "good old days". Having said that, who gets the show when Jorch swallows that final pizza roll?

[NowhereInTime]

He says he can't tell me, but I can tell that he's lying. Now he's embarrassed. This isn't fun for either of us. Show a little G-ddamned respect, People.

No, it's true.  The explosion of "paranormal" shows has diffused the field into hucksters and hustlers pushing books, videos, memberships, & "experiences".

I am embarrassed that I may one of the few people in the world who still enjoy cryptids, disclosure, and unexplained phenomena.  Maybe I need to grow up.

[albrecht]

No, it's true.  The explosion of "paranormal" shows has diffused the field into hucksters and hustlers pushing books, videos, memberships, & "experiences".

I am embarrassed that I may one of the few people in the world who still enjoy cryptids, disclosure, and unexplained phenomena.  Maybe I need to grow up.

The key was the host. He did some push back but also allow them to tell their story, without knowing it or much prep. So listeners, and he, heard it live. And the timing. Expert. The sighs, the alerts, the cliff-hangers, the PAUSE and REPEAT of what the guest/caller just said to a break. Like to a guest: "the Dental- pause- Mafia..." you had to keep listening after hearing that!

[Dr. MD MD]

No, it's true.  The explosion of "paranormal" shows has diffused the field into hucksters and hustlers pushing books, videos, memberships, & "experiences".

I am embarrassed that I may one of the few people in the world who still enjoy cryptids, disclosure, and unexplained phenomena.  Maybe I need to grow up.

I know! And yet, presented with true conspiracy theory like 9/11 was an inside job or the presidential election being stolen Art would be all, “Umm...no, I don’t think the election was stolen. Next caller! You’re on the air with Art Bell.”

Total gatekeeper. :

[Jackstar]

Total gatekeeper. ::)

Ironically, he seemed to have changed his tune about gatekeeping pretty quick once he figured out that he couldn't just holler at my brain to be his dance monkey... once I decided to reassert dominance. Honestly, I think someone gave him the wrong idea about me.

Or maybe he just bought the hype on my fake MySpace page. Can you imagine? Who has the time to make up this garbage? Oh, right: Officers.

Most of all y'all should have read a lot more Heinlein.

[Dr. MD MD]

Ironically, he seemed to have changed his tune about gatekeeping pretty quick once he figured out that he couldn't just holler at my brain to be his dance monkey... once I decided to reassert dominance. Honestly, I think someone gave him the wrong idea about me.

Or maybe he just bought the hype on my fake MySpace page. Can you imagine? Who has the time to make up this garbage? Oh, right: Officers.

Most of all y'all should have read a lot more Heinlein.

Oh, right...your “experience” that never happened. :

[Jackstar]

your “experience” that never happened

I never had a UFO experience. You simply stated that I did and asked me to tell you about it, and if you thought that was going to prime any conversational pump, you were badly mistrained at Quantico. Jung tells me that he'll never have dinner with you now. You're through. You'll never work in this town again.

Do you know how to build a rapport that lasts longer than your next three thoughts take to force themselves through your puny picket fence mouth when your wallet, prick, or the esteem of what passes for what your imagination labels your "peer group" isn't involved? Are you sure? You might wish to check. I suspect that you're getting a whole lot of blowback disguised as rapt adoration that you aren't seeing as such, and given the rampant ballooning of your ego and your clear symptoms of megalomania--I'm not a doctor, yo, but... call it a hunch--as well as your current inability to...

L E T
E
T H I N G S
           O

... I suspect that you're simply in dire need of a refresh of your emotional baseline threshold. In other words, YOU'RE SPUN OFF THE RAILS AND OFF TO THE RACES TO TALK TO THE RABBIT ABOUT PICKING UP GREYHOUNDS.

Oh, is that an experience that never happened? Why yes, yes it is, as I'm using absurdity to illustrate my point through metaphor. Now, what are you doing?

"Nuh-uh! No you didn't! He isn't answering my questions, that means he's in denial! Hah!"


Actually, it means that I'm bored with your classless shovelling of horseshit, which seems to go on incessantly, in spite of the painfully obvious and wildly self-evident truth that it is simply not working this time. Surely you've heard of the definition of insanity? "Performing the same series of actions and expecting different results." Consider your results... since your birthday. Do they please you? Yeah, me neither. Now, recognize that you're in the midst of a psychotic break with reality, and do something about it.

And put a little mustard on it, Doctor Mayonnaise.

[Dr. MD MD]

I never had a UFO experience. You simply stated that I did and asked me to tell you about it, and if you thought that was going to prime any conversational pump, you were badly mistrained at Quantico. Jung tells me that he'll never have dinner with you now. You're through. You'll never work in this town again.

Do you know how to build a rapport that lasts longer than your next three thoughts take to force themselves through your puny picket fence mouth when your wallet, prick, or the esteem of what passes for what your imagination labels your "peer group" isn't involved? Are you sure? You might wish to check. I suspect that you're getting a whole lot of blowback disguised as rapt adoration that you aren't seeing as such, and given the rampant ballooning of your ego and your clear symptoms of megalomania--I'm not a doctor, yo, but... call it a hunch--as well as your current inability to...

L E T
E
T H I N G S
           O

... I suspect that you're simply in dire need of a refresh of your emotional baseline threshold. In other words, YOU'RE SPUN OFF THE RAILS AND OFF TO THE RACES TO TALK TO THE RABBIT ABOUT PICKING UP GREYHOUNDS.

Oh, is that an experience that never happened? Why yes, yes it is, as I'm using absurdity to illustrate my point through metaphor. Now, what are you doing?

"Nuh-uh! No you didn't! He isn't answering my questions, that means he's in denial! Hah!"


Actually, it means that I'm bored with your classless shovelling of horseshit, which seems to go on incessantly, in spite of the painfully obvious and wildly self-evident truth that it is simply not working this time. Surely you've heard of the definition of insanity? "Performing the same series of actions and expecting different results." Consider your results... since your birthday. Do they please you? Yeah, me neither. Now, recognize that you're in the midst of a psychotic break with reality, and do something about it.

And put a little mustard on it, Doctor Mayonnaise.

Horsedick! Pure horsedick.

[Uncle Duke]

Does anyone remember what Bell's tantrum was relative to having to pay for a music licensing agreement in the lead up to MitD?  I know he threatening to quit the show before it started if he couldn't use his bumper music, but since the show did go on, whatever the issue was it apparently got resolved.  I've looked in this thread but I can't find his initial post threatening to bail, or an explanation how the matter was resolved.

[Walks_At_Night]

Does anyone remember what Bell's tantrum was relative to having to pay for a music licensing agreement in the lead up to MitD?  I know he threatening to quit the show before it started if he couldn't use his bumper music, but since the show did go on, whatever the issue was it apparently got resolved.  I've looked in this thread but I can't find his initial post threatening to bail, or an explanation how the matter was resolved.

I recall he had a snit fit over that issue but I don't have any details. I kind of lost interest in the Bell drama train after that 6-week Sirius goat screw and really didn't pay attention again until the bullets started flying.

[Uncle Duke]

Thanks, Walks.  I was in pretty much the same mindset, but I remember one particular tantrum message here from him about his bumper music and the licensing agreement.  I heard a MitD episode the other night on U7 and hearing a bumper or two reminded me of the licensing kerfuffle.

Anyone else remember details?  Seems most of the folks who were here at the time and fell for his comeback hype left in disgust.  I know Jazmunda worked his ass off to help promote MitD, and got nothing out of it.  He was a good guy, really enjoyed his posts.

[Dr. MD MD]

Thanks, Walks.  I was in pretty much the same mindset, but I remember one particular tantrum message here from him about his bumper music and the licensing agreement.  I heard a MitD episode the other night on U7 and hearing a bumper or two reminded me of the licensing kerfuffle.

Anyone else remember details?  Seems most of the folks who were here at the time and fell for his comeback hype left in disgust.  I know Jazmunda worked his ass off to help promote MitD, and got nothing out of it.  He was a good guy, really enjoyed his posts.

Don’t forget your BFF, pud.

[albrecht]

Thanks, Walks.  I was in pretty much the same mindset, but I remember one particular tantrum message here from him about his bumper music and the licensing agreement.  I heard a MitD episode the other night on U7 and hearing a bumper or two reminded me of the licensing kerfuffle.

Anyone else remember details?  Seems most of the folks who were here at the time and fell for his comeback hype left in disgust.  I know Jazmunda worked his ass off to help promote MitD, and got nothing out of it.  He was a good guy, really enjoyed his posts.

I don't recall the message(s) but he was oddly obsessed with bumper music and sound quality. And was overly concerned with legal ramifications though having been in many legal disputes, on both sides, I guess he was a bit gun-shy about them. But I thought odd for a HAM and radio guy that he was so obsessed with sound quality and for bumpers. The magic is in the static and of some his best show were over scratchy AM radios. This also resulted in very large files which aren't ideal for podcasting, archiving, and so on.

[Jackstar]

Jazmunda worked volunteered his ass off to help promote MitD, and got nothing out of it.  He was a good guy, really enjoyed his posts.

I think he felt like he was the only one putting his whole heart and soul into it and being silently mocked by time travelers who knew--all too well--that he was being drained of his essence by D.A.R.P.A. junior psyop officers in training for the Big Leagues, because MITD was a planned shitshow to break the heart and spirit of the easily dissuaded and the overly invested... leaving only the creamy nougat center of middle-of-the-road wishy-washy daydreamers, to be siphoned off into other projects as desired by Overlords of The Plan.

For example! He never seemed to appreciate my sense of humour. (Too soon?) I think that was because he knew exactly who I was--the entire homo elite did--long before The Ex splashed in ass-first, and he was probably annoyed that I wasn't doing anything worth a shit to anyone at the time.

I think Paul Masson had this problem as well. I would have gone with his solution--hiring Orson Welles and getting him drunk as a lord--but when I met Grapefruit, she was a teetotaler, and after the CIA hangout psyop clown captain was the first guest... well, I didn't see much reason to work at seeking out extra talent, as I was gonna get a go signal, or I wasn't, and by that point, I kinda did not care much either way.

I never really looked forward to this. Where's the email? Where's the show tape? I'm done asking--the required protocols have been observed. Now, all you have to do is sacrifice the entire continent of Australia, all of its inhabitants, into the clutches of The Quincunx, and We shall save you from "Creepy Uncle" Joe Biden and his loathsome retinue of soulless turboleech energy vampires without... undue hassle.

Doesn't that sound nice?

[Jackstar]

pud.

Quitter.

[Dr. MD MD]

Quitter.

Cuckold.

[Jackstar]

Cuckold.

We're not even married--which you pointed out innumerable times as having granted you some kind of right or privilege. (Possibly the most egregious example of sexual discrimination I've ever seen first hand.) You and your blue balls can't have it both ways, and that you observably and on record continue to spin back and forth on the issue--as if it matters--is yet another manifestation of your obsession and inability to maintain cohesion of thought under narrative pressure.

Further--and this is the best part--what do you fuckin' care? What are you, running the initiation party? You've completely lost sight and focus of what you are manifesting with the energy of your life, and frankly, only my extreme ennui with your relentless and unceasing patterns of abuse and denial--you can be assured, I have seen all this beta faggotry before in many people and I never asked for yours--prevents me from enjoying the spectacle of your unraveling any more than I am.

Eventually you will read these words and recognize them for what they are. Take your time, I want you to.

Horsedick! Pure horsedick.

You forgot the hashtag, Commander.

[Dr. MD MD]

We're not even married--which you pointed out innumerable times as having granted you some kind of right or privilege. (Possibly the most egregious example of sexual discrimination I've ever seen first hand.) You and your blue balls can't have it both ways, and that you observably and on record continue to spin back and forth on the issue--as if it matters--is yet another manifestation of your obsession and inability to maintain cohesion of thought under narrative pressure.

Further--and this is the best part--what do you fuckin' care? What are you, running the initiation party? You've completely lost sight and focus of what you are manifesting with the energy of your life, and frankly, only my extreme ennui with your relentless and unceasing patterns of abuse and denial--you can be assured, I have seen all this beta faggotry before in many people and I never asked for yours--prevents me from enjoying the spectacle of your unraveling any more than I am.

Eventually you will read these words and recognize them for what they are. Take your time, I want you to.


You forgot the hashtag, Commander.

Well, if I am Rubini I’ve obviously already fucked your girlfriend, cuck.

[Jackstar]

I'm not familiar with all these different labels that you have for your beta male categorization system--it's simply not my area.

I told her not to bother to go, I told her not to go alone, and then when she got there you told her to shut off her location sharing--or she did it herself and then lied to me about whose idea was, which makes no difference to me whatsoever. In any event, I became uninvolved weeks prior to any of this, you made representations to me that turned out to be wholly false and made by you in full pursuit of deception--it's not like I didn't know that you were lying. "That filthy spic wop kike is never going to give you a job; are you out of your fucking mind?"

I don't know what you two arranged with each other, as you both made sure it wasn't any of my business and neither of you been very forthcoming with details--which is just as well, what the fuck am I, a private eye? I could give a shit, you both were so in love with the smell of your own farts, you failed to notice that I had something to tell both of you--assuming I knew nothing and were sufficiently diluted as to be ignored, you both proceeded merrily along your path to Destiny.

I am disappointed to continue to hear that you two didn't have a very nice time. Who could have seen that coming? The circumstances of the reasons are quite beyond my area of interest, and imply that I had anything to do with it after you explained that you wouldn't talk while I was in the room because of--and I quote, "demons in the phone,"--reduced the two of you at that time to barely functional caricatures of real human beings.

My thought at this time is that one of you did the other one a big favor, and I have no interest at this time of penetrating the mystery of that little puzzle. I'm not here to judge anyone. This is literally none of my business!

Meanwhile, the relevance here is that you can go soak your head in a bucket of anhydrous ammonia before I give any sort of answer interest to any of your questions ever again, not because of some supposed fearsome domination move you've employed--I don't feel dominated, Hashtag Jockey--nor because my friend and close associate is at odds with you--her business is her business, she can tell Mala all about it for practice before I need a debrief, I'm good where I'm at--and not because I am personally injured by whatever it is you've done with her, as her complaints seem far more serious than whatever mine might be. Once again, sorry you didn't have a nice time; maybe if you didn't lie to each other and to me about everything under the sun, things would have been different--but you lied your ass off and you wasted shitloads of time and money for no known benefit, and that is hardly a grand start to a business in an industry built on relationships, and it's hard to imagine any reason to enable you to be stupid again after you were so stupid so many times before with the information I did allow you access to.

No, I'm not answer your questions because I told you I had a close contact experience with (PROTECTED) and then you start pestering me about "my UFO experience."

Why would I give a shit about telling you anything? Can't find audio; can't find email; don't even know the difference between an unidentified flying object and The First Time Caller Line--even though you made a big stink about making sure you had all the phone lines labeled #Legacy--and then go out of your way to guarantee that it's obvious you're doing nothing but deliberately wasting time.

I would literally tell Noory before you--and I don't have to tell anyone anything, Famehound, least of all you. Go run your mouth and I'll run my business, yours is none of mine.

You taught me a lot, and watching how you fucked everything up while I laughed was worth every fucking penny.

Further, you were communicating with her at least three years prior, minimum, so the only ones getting taken for a ride were the two of you.



Welcome to Amateur Hour. You've both been schooled, but it's time you recognize: she didn't play you nearly as hard as I played you (I gave you a few measly bucks and a picture of a surgical scar and after that you would spend up to 3 hours on the phone at the drop of a hat trying to get me the cough up $30,000... you were basically Zoom drooling) multiple times, and I think the seventh time you shipped into your pitch as smoothly as a whore slips into her stockings, I sat there silently and in awe with my jaw hanging wildly agape (that same jaw you threatened to come break in half, oh look here's that email--adorable) as I couldn't believe you were still falling for the bare glimmer of hope that I was really that stupid--pay heed, Greedo, I am exactly zero stupid), and all I did was tell you both the truth and watch you both convince yourselves that you knew something I didn't. Ye were warned. Ye were both warned. I warned ye. I warned ye both. You had every opportunity handed out flat, and instead of paying attention to what was important, you spun yourself off into La-La-Land. Kudos.

Now, go cry into your pillow or something, dumbass. You fucked up large, and the last thing you are getting from me is special storytime. /flex

THIS KIND OF SHIT IS WHY THEY DON'T COME ANY SOONER, PUNYLINGS.

[Dr. MD MD]

TL;DR

[Jackstar]

TL;DR

She claims to hate the red book--I've never bothered to think of it again after the #FE garbage showed up. I am astonished that you both imagined this would lead to a payoff in any event. She offered it to me to look at (after hours of defending it with her life, her love, and her sacred honor, omg omg here take it that guy that I lied to you over and over about is an asshole, here take his secrets, do you wanna know where he got his money, why not? I gave it to him!) and it was one glimpse and into the trash it went.

You assumed I would be compelled to peer inside, and she assumed that it would all be useful, because I was willing to let her spend time with you alone on it... for "business." So it must have been important, right? Except there was nothing in it that had anything to do with my business, which none of you actually know anything about. And so it is useless to her and means nothing but "I wasted my time on this because I lost faith in The Plan." Maybe it's her fault Trump lost? I doubt it, but as she as no doubt realized that you had her write down the dollar amounts of the money you were angling to swindle from me, the reasons for her apparent and highly vocalized decision to never have a conversation with you again emerge from the landscape of the past as it unfolds over time into the exact gameboard I imagined that I saw at the time. "Why the fuck is he doing that? He couldn't be... well, just in case, I'll do something about that now." Three months of this shit, Fucko. What are you, 24/7 maxhigh and retarded and you sleep in a microwave oven? I guess so.

It's hard to imagine anyone being more outplayed. Can you come break my jaw now? This broad apparently doesn't have enough evidence to make something happen--or does she? Well, guess what, I don't know--it's not my area. It will work itself out just fine without my involvement. None of this was my idea. I never asked for this. It's actually your circus. You're actually each other's monkeys on this.

Meanwhile, I remain off your team--I was never on your team--and if you had completed the relatively simple task of forming a foundational language between the three of us, there would be all kinds of interesting developments that all of all y'all would be an indispensable part of. Instead, you are dispersed.

Art & Jay tell me not to tell you their opinions at this stage, but they needn't be legitimately a part of existence--I told you that you were cut off from special storytime and I meant it. Too bad, really, they tell me the fallout from writing this post alone is immense across worlds without number, and you're a whiny little brat in every one.

However, she is not. #poof #YouLose

[Dr. MD MD]

You should tell Rubini this. Maybe he would care. :

[Jackstar]

Well, if I am Rubini I’ve obviously already fucked your girlfriend, cuck.

I'm so awesome that your mother rubs one out to me every night and dares not breathe a word of it--because you're a fucking psycho--and the urge to share her secret passion is so overwhelming, she's considering telling your sister, who already knows and rubs it out to us both twice as often.

They should both hydrate more. They're probably thirsty as fuck--meanwhile, how much $$$ is your Network pulling? Wait, don't tell me... it's enough you can buy your own cigarettes. Cool. Get your girls some flowers, you selfish prick.

[Jackstar]

You should tell Rubini this. Maybe he would care. ::)

I don't give a fuck who cares--I'm writing to her fans.

[Jackstar]

Well, it's not my area: but my body is ready. /cheer



Disclaimer: note that the above Post relies heavily on verbal irony, and if gravy tries to message me and say something like, "you posted on Belgium do you want to shoot needles into your arms 2 million times!" I want to get my response out ahead of that.

Did I just write "post gravy?" Yeah, sure did. Cool. Art imitating Life again. Adorable. Oh now he's sad, I get the feeling hardly anybody adores him, compared to how many he had before, and it would seem that my refusal to respect his branding by shutting up politely instead of what I choose to do every time I hear him... Oh okay now he's actually crying I got to stop this.

Have you ever heard a spirit cry? It is breathtaking I can assure you. now I know if no idea why I would have hallucinated that kind of detail in this imaginary fantasy, so now I got to go find a shower and make sure it's not happening for real. Free eel.

Yeah, see now Bell is coming to tell me to post this and then to quote it and then post it in the art bell thread and then change the title there too. and I'm not going to lie this sounds a lot more like David Rubini with a voice to skull microphone than it does ghost of art bell. and obviously those two can't be the same guy, right?

well one of them says yes one of them says no so I think I'm onto something here. More after the break, and I f****** need one. This is all so tiresome. I wish I could just go to a Phish concert or something. I bet I'm not the only one.

Yeah this started out as a vaccine post and a one-line joke. Just look at me now! Don't think this is insanity, kind of honestly, this is just the kind of a scientific endeavor I'm known for, before persuasive women started taking up more and more of my time and reporting instances of alleged drug use on Bellgab and other public places. Kind of makes one wonder, huh?

You should tell Rubini this. Maybe he would care. :

Art transmits that, "I don't give a fuuuuuck what Rubini cares about, "which to be quite honest... doesn't sound like the Art Bell I know. I'm giving this one a bonk.

Also, I'm currently undergoing strange negotiations with Grapey, first she says one thing then the next day she says another, and then she tells me that I'm savagely abusing her, in text messages and voice messages and recorded voice messages, and well, I'm pretty sure I'm merely being jerked around.

What do all of all y'all think? I'm open to hearing other people's opinions. I don't want anybody to get the idea that I think I know everything. Believe me Kids: I know nothing.


Oh one more thing: wasn't this thread stickied before, and why do we think that Art Bell hasn't shown up on any of those talk to the dead guys like John Edwards or James Van Praagh or whatever? Art transmits to me, "it's because those people are actually professionals, Asshole, unlike you, a massive asshole who just blabbers your mouth off whenever you feel like it you little piece of shit."

Okay, I'm not going to lie--that does sound like the Art Bell I always hoped to meet one day; but sadly I never got a chance to establish a baseline. And what's worse: earlier I wrote "one more thing" and here I am bringing up two things. This is the third thing! This is a serious problem, these signs of inconsistency: I might need professional help.

On the bright side, it was my impression that art was watching me rewrite his post that he was transmitting to me in a way that was much more efficient and impressive than anything was ever able to do for it, and apparently he was quite embarrassed by his inability to master typing on a keyboard to a Simple Machines forum. Hopefully now that we both recognized this within ourselves, we'll both feel a lot better. Our transmits that he just simply didn't think to ask anybody to teach him how to write better on a forum because he didn't think that he was ever going to be good enough to be able to do that because he was so good on the radio--and I'm delighted that here's another example of my ability to spend 5 minutes with Jackstar and learn to post a lot better. I'll see what I can do about getting into agree to write a blurb on the inside cover of my imaginary book.

Oh yeah I'm going to self-publish in Minecraft. When it won't help to slow down, keep driving until you get to your girlfriend's place, and if her kids are there just hang out and wait. I guess. I don't know I'm still working on that one I'll get back to you.

Art says he'll think it over, too. No I am not going to fist bump you, Possibly Imaginary Apparition. Wow, you think I'm lonely, check out this guy. So lonely, he's begging for a fist bump from an alleged junky and confirmed misanthrope. Now, that's lonely. And, let's face it: we all could just safely assume that the junkie part is confirmed right? Y'all had legitimate sources, right?

Fuck it, just do it live, no one will bother listening anyway, amirite? I'll probably be dead by OD by then. Do any of you have any idea how much it takes to die from that?

Oh I'll bet some do... and I'll bet some don't. Hehe. Yeah, trust me, the fix, as they say, is in the bag.

I'll probably be dead by Dawn. Oh snap: I just triggered Grapey--dead by sunset more like it. It's a miracle that a worm like me has made it this far!

Time to go save a life. See, I told you this would happen.

[Dr. MD MD]

Art transmits that, "I don't give a fuuuuuck what Rubini cares about, "which to be quite honest... doesn't sound like the Art Bell I know. I'm giving this one a bonk.

Also, I'm currently undergoing strange negotiations with Grapey, first she says one thing then the next day she says another, and then she tells me that I'm savagely abusing her, in text messages and voice messages and recorded voice messages, and well, I'm pretty sure I'm merely being jerked around.

What do all of all y'all think? I'm open to hearing other people's opinions. I don't want anybody to get the idea that I think I know everything. Believe me Kids: I know nothing.

Jack, you’re not in communication with Art Bell from beyond the grave. You’re just really, REALLY high. 

[Jackstar]

Jack, you’re not in communication with Art Bell from beyond the grave.

Who are you trying to convince?

You’re just really, REALLY high. 

Back to reality: I don't even know where to get any. My hand to God. And obviously people take one look at my social media profile and they instantly know that I should never get the good stuff, because OBVIOUSLY I can't handle THAT. That kind of next level Hunter Biden Shit is real dangerous... in the wrong hands.


Ladies and Gentleman: The Plan. Learn it. Live it. Love it.

More to come. Of course I love you. I won't leave you hanging. I'm not like those other stars. I'm 36°.

Yeah, I know what some of you are thinking, and that's just what they told you to think.

[Dr. MD MD]

Who are you trying to convince?

You, Jack. You.

[Jackstar]

I got sick of his shit.

I didn't do it for you, but I thought I'd let you know in case it might improve your mood some: giving some back has been my new favorite part-time hobby ever since last June.

Also, pretending that I can't tell the difference between the fake one in the real one--well let's just say there's two of them, it was always real obvious that there was a difference, but it's still pretty hard to distinguish or identify which from which. I guess I could go to school to learn how to do this better, but I could do things the old fashioned way--put my head down and start running forward to the wall and start smashing my head into it until I break through the window. Now, I will admit that this doesn't sound like a good plan, and it's never actually worked, but I have learned some amazing things by doing this, you wouldn't believe it if I told you. It's taking me to some amazing places, right now. Just ask my cousin, he'll tell you, unless he's accidentally killed himself by now haven't seen him in a bit cuz he's a bigoted prejudiced bully with a lot of obnoxious anxieties--Gee, I wonder why, but he probably testify the truth of what I just said, especially if you slipped him a few dozen lottery tickets. The scratchers not the ball pullers or the pull tabs. He's got preferences, yo.

And like five houses. So maybe he's onto something with this whole gambling thing. Well good for him, I hope if he dies in a fire, he does it while unconscious, cuz I don't want to have to hear his screaming. I've always been told if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, and most of the time I do my best to comply.

(No it's not a threat, lol. and it's not trolling if I don't realize that some people are going to be stupid enough to maybe take that seriously until after I'm done writing it. I thought that was funny, and it is, and the disclaimer makes it funnier. Lots funnier too. yeah and I don't want to have sex with your daughter, that's cool you thought of that right away though. I won't tell you what I think--personal policy.)