Author burning poo  (Read 19967 times)

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Re: burning poo
« Reply #240 on: November 14, 2016, 09:10:20 PM »
Doesn't matter.  Now you have a topic for a show.  Go Go Go!  After interviewing willy, I'll call in and tell you about my bag of piss debacle.

Go on...

Re: burning poo
« Reply #241 on: November 14, 2016, 09:11:10 PM »
Go on...

Indeed.  Do tell..............

Re: burning poo
« Reply #242 on: November 14, 2016, 09:14:09 PM »
Go on...

Indeed.  Do tell..............

LOL!  I won't hijack willy's thread.  Although I will tell the story... ;)


Re: burning poo
« Reply #243 on: November 14, 2016, 09:18:33 PM »
LOL!  I won't hijack willy's thread.  Although I will tell the story... ;)
cant wait to hear the tale.

Re: burning poo
« Reply #244 on: November 14, 2016, 09:25:11 PM »
Where I live it is very hard to dig a hole consisting of any depth. Basiclly I live on a big ass granite island that is covered with a small layer of muskeg.

Do contractors ever show up to drill wells?  Are there any around at present? 

Re: burning poo
« Reply #245 on: November 14, 2016, 09:32:08 PM »
cant wait to hear the tale.

With your permission I will post it soon..... :D

Re: burning poo
« Reply #246 on: November 14, 2016, 09:38:22 PM »
Do contractors ever show up to drill wells?  Are there any around at present?
if you mean water wells, no, there aren't any of those here. But septic tanks yes.

Re: burning poo
« Reply #247 on: November 14, 2016, 09:39:36 PM »
With your permission I will post it soon..... :D
hope to see it soon. I will check back later, I'm going to the movie, fittingly I'm going to see inferno

Re: burning poo
« Reply #248 on: November 14, 2016, 09:43:32 PM »
if you mean water wells, no, there aren't any of those here. But septic tanks yes.

I'm guessing septic tank-digging season is long gone, though, is that right?

I ask because I am wondering if there is anybody nearby who might have the equipment necessary to dig you some sort of temporary "poo pit" (i.e. a deep but narrow hole) to last you until spring.

Re: burning poo
« Reply #249 on: November 14, 2016, 10:11:34 PM »
hope to see it soon. 

Okay.  Here it goes.....TRUE STORY.....

About 25 years ago (give or take), me and a few buddies went to the Pittsburgh Pirates game at Three Rivers Stadium.  They lost, of course, but that was nothing new at the time and doesn't really matter.  Anyway, we agreed that after the game we would meet at Denny's on McKnight Rd. just north of the city.  Believe it or not, there was a decent amount of people at the game and I suspected getting out of the parking lot onto I-279 may be a pain in the ass.  It would take a while regardless.  We were drinking beer before the game and as it went on.  I had to piss when I decided to leave.  However I was eager to get the hell outta there and get to Denny's where I would relieve myself and then enjoy some pancakes, omelettes, and hash browns.  It's true.  (I always had a huge appetite...I digress.)  Then, after that, go somewhere else and drink more beer.  At any rate, I decide to "hold it." 

Needless to say, the parking lot at the stadium is packed.  It took 30-45 minutes just to get out of there.  As time dragged on my bladder was in distress.  I had to piss bad.  Real bad.  Panic was setting in.  I edge the car up further, a little at a time, just waiting for an escape to the highway.  All the while I'm thinking of ways to relieve myself.  I can't just step out of the car and use the door to hide what I'm doing!  Too many people around, and what if the cars start moving?  So, I'm reaching under the seats and in the back of the car, fumbling around and thinking to myself  "I gotta have an empty bottle here somewhere in all the trash."  Yeah...my car was full of trash. I found a Very Fine juice bottle.  It's only 10 ounces or so therefore useless.  I'm thinking "Shit...what do I do?"   Let's just say that I seriously considered just pissing on the floor and cleaning it up later.   I couldn't bring myself to do that though.

OK...the traffic moves.  I'm out of the parking lot and through the first stop light.  Two more streets and I'm home free to the highway.  It's going to take too long though....I have to piss!!!  I grab a plastic K-Mart bag that was on the back floor.  Eureka!  I'm thinking that if this thing doesn't have a hole in it, it just may hold my piss.  I proceed to blow the bag up and see if any air leaks out.  If it doesn't then my belief was it will hold my piss. I was confident.

I'm at the final red light.  By this time I'm grasping the bag around myself and pissing in it, quickly filling the bag.  It holds the liquid!  YES!  Mission accomplished.  I felt great.  The plan was to chuck the bag out of the window once I hit the highway.  The light turns green.  I get on the I-279 exit.  I can't drive too fast yet because I'm holding a bag of piss and trying to merge.  I let cars pass me and then proceed to accelerate.  I roll down the window with my left hand while holding the steering wheel with the bag of piss with my right hand.  I get the window down.  I switch the bag to my left hand.  I look for other cars.  There are none.  Just some headlights in the distance.  I prepare to drop the bag out the window.

I, however, did not consider that a flimsy K-Mart bag holding about 2 quarts of urine would not withstand the wind shear.  I didn't consider that at all.  As soon as I went to toss the bag it burst, and all of the piss flew back in the car, all over my arm, chest, and face.  It was shocking.  My most clear memory of that instance is seeing the lights of oncoming cars illuminating the drops of urine clinging to my eye lashes.  I jerked the wheel erratically as it happened while looking in the rear view mirror to see if any cops were around.  That's all I would need.  I can handle embarrassment, but not if the police are involved.

I never made it to Denny's.  I should've just pissed on the floor.

Re: burning poo
« Reply #250 on: November 14, 2016, 11:05:13 PM »
Is there a word that describes laughing and cringing at the same time? ("Linging" doesn't sound quite right.)  Because that was my reaction upon finishing your story.  :-[

(The laughing came from the, "I've got it made!" part; the cringing came from the denouement.)

I can only guess what a heart-stopping shock that must have been. :o

Re: burning poo
« Reply #251 on: November 14, 2016, 11:08:48 PM »
Okay.  Here it goes.....TRUE STORY.....

About 25 years ago (give or take), me and a few buddies went to the Pittsburgh Pirates game at Three Rivers Stadium.  They lost, of course, but that was nothing new at the time and doesn't really matter.  Anyway, we agreed that after the game we would meet at Denny's on McKnight Rd. just north of the city.  Believe it or not, there was a decent amount of people at the game and I suspected getting out of the parking lot onto I-279 may be a pain in the ass.  It would take a while regardless.  We were drinking beer before the game and as it went on.  I had to piss when I decided to leave.  However I was eager to get the hell outta there and get to Denny's where I would relieve myself and then enjoy some pancakes, omelettes, and hash browns.  It's true.  (I always had a huge appetite...I digress.)  Then, after that, go somewhere else and drink more beer.  At any rate, I decide to "hold it." 

Needless to say, the parking lot at the stadium is packed.  It took 30-45 minutes just to get out of there.  As time dragged on my bladder was in distress.  I had to piss bad.  Real bad.  Panic was setting in.  I edge the car up further, a little at a time, just waiting for an escape to the highway.  All the while I'm thinking of ways to relieve myself.  I can't just step out of the car and use the door to hide what I'm doing!  Too many people around, and what if the cars start moving?  So, I'm reaching under the seats and in the back of the car, fumbling around and thinking to myself  "I gotta have an empty bottle here somewhere in all the trash."  Yeah...my car was full of trash. I found a Very Fine juice bottle.  It's only 10 ounces or so therefore useless.  I'm thinking "Shit...what do I do?"   Let's just say that I seriously considered just pissing on the floor and cleaning it up later.   I couldn't bring myself to do that though.

OK...the traffic moves.  I'm out of the parking lot and through the first stop light.  Two more streets and I'm home free to the highway.  It's going to take too long though....I have to piss!!!  I grab a plastic K-Mart bag that was on the back floor.  Eureka!  I'm thinking that if this thing doesn't have a hole in it, it just may hold my piss.  I proceed to blow the bag up and see if any air leaks out.  If it doesn't then my belief was it will hold my piss. I was confident.

I'm at the final red light.  By this time I'm grasping the bag around myself and pissing in it, quickly filling the bag.  It holds the liquid!  YES!  Mission accomplished.  I felt great.  The plan was to chuck the bag out of the window once I hit the highway.  The light turns green.  I get on the I-279 exit.  I can't drive too fast yet because I'm holding a bag of piss and trying to merge.  I let cars pass me and then proceed to accelerate.  I roll down the window with my left hand while holding the steering wheel with the bag of piss with my right hand.  I get the window down.  I switch the bag to my left hand.  I look for other cars.  There are none.  Just some headlights in the distance.  I prepare to drop the bag out the window.

I, however, did not consider that a flimsy K-Mart bag holding about 2 quarts of urine would not withstand the wind shear.  I didn't consider that at all.  As soon as I went to toss the bag it burst, and all of the piss flew back in the car, all over my arm, chest, and face.  It was shocking.  My most clear memory of that instance is seeing the lights of oncoming cars illuminating the drops of urine clinging to my eye lashes.  I jerked the wheel erratically as it happened while looking in the rear view mirror to see if any cops were around.  That's all I would need.  I can handle embarrassment, but not if the police are involved.

I never made it to Denny's.  I should've just pissed on the floor.

You have won BellGab for the day.

Re: burning poo
« Reply #252 on: November 14, 2016, 11:22:16 PM »
hahahaha ,LMAO....ShayP ...I'm exhausted from laughter man,
great story and great writing style keeping the suspense till the last drop of the urine ...LOL :)

Re: burning poo
« Reply #253 on: November 14, 2016, 11:58:57 PM »


I never made it to Denny's.  I should've just pissed on the floor.
Hahaha. Epic.
We need another thread about pissing or "issues" stories.
We all got them. Once I was caught in one of those situations where I should've gone at work but thought I could get home in time because due to drinking the night before and suspect lunch I wanted the home throne to deal with it because rumblings were starting but not yet serious but in a mixed crowd and common bathroom etc. But, alas, traffic. Sweating bullets, AC on high, undoing belt, summer, Texas, stop-n-go traffic on highway, frantically looking around for options versus the home-stretch, PANIC- finally flew into the break-down lane, took an exit, parked and left car running covering over several parking spaces by a major chain "mid-scale" burger restaurant, ran past the "greeter" into the bathroom and wrecked it. Then walked calmly, still covered in sweat, but with relief, past the staff and customers into my car and home.

Re: burning poo
« Reply #254 on: November 15, 2016, 12:10:51 AM »
Hahaha. Epic.
We need another thread about pissing or "issues" stories.
We all got them. Once I was caught in one of those situations where I should've gone at work but thought I could get home in time because due to drinking the night before and suspect lunch I wanted the home throne to deal with it because rumblings were starting but not yet serious but in a mixed crowd and common bathroom etc. But, alas, traffic. Sweating bullets, AC on high, undoing belt, summer, Texas, stop-n-go traffic on highway, frantically looking around for options versus the home-stretch, PANIC- finally flew into the break-down lane, took an exit, parked and left car running covering over several parking spaces by a major chain "mid-scale" burger restaurant, ran past the "greeter" into the bathroom and wrecked it. Then walked calmly, still covered in sweat, but with relief, past the staff and customers into my car and home.

hahaha ha ha , another one great funny story, :)

Re: burning poo
« Reply #255 on: November 15, 2016, 12:52:21 AM »
Okay.  Here it goes.....TRUE STORY.....
...
I, however, did not consider that a flimsy K-Mart bag holding about 2 quarts of urine would not withstand the wind shear.  I didn't consider that at all.  As soon as I went to toss the bag it burst, and all of the piss flew back in the car, all over my arm, chest, and face.  It was shocking. 
Thanks... Great story.  The only thing that I will admit to is shitting in a plastic bag on more than one occasion... But there is no story associated with that.  Everything went as planned, there was no wind sheer...

That is one of the best stories I think I have heard in a long while...  :D

Re: burning poo
« Reply #256 on: November 15, 2016, 12:56:00 AM »
Thanks... Great story.  The only thing that I will admit to is shitting in a plastic bag on more than one occasion... But there is no story associated with that.  Everything went as planned, there was no wind sheer...

That is one of the best stories I think I have heard in a long while...  :D

did you used beaver tail to wipe yourself ?? ,lol

Re: burning poo
« Reply #257 on: November 15, 2016, 01:07:05 AM »
did you used beaver tail to wipe yourself ?? ,lol
I appreciate your concern.  But Canada does manufacture both toilet paper and kleenex out of what little lumber we do not export to flood the US markets.

Re: burning poo
« Reply #258 on: November 15, 2016, 01:15:56 AM »
Wow ShayP that was freakin hilarious!! Good thing your buddy's weren't in the back seat!!!

Re: burning poo
« Reply #259 on: November 15, 2016, 01:28:51 AM »
I appreciate your concern.  But Canada does manufacture both toilet paper and kleenex out of what little lumber we do not export to flood the US markets.

Oooo, that's great because I was thinking you might use a feather from a loonie goose /or duck/ to wipe your ass with :P

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Re: burning poo
« Reply #260 on: November 15, 2016, 02:19:39 AM »
As you can see in this photo I have a nice queen size bed that I have stripped of its sheets.

you fuckers were sleeping last night -I was the only one who was keeping akwilly company last night
when he was in distress burning his shit and part of the village where he lives,
read those posts and look at the pictures to see and feel the drama ,I'm so glad that MV is cheap and didn't buy
the "smell feature transmitter" for this forum -I can only imagine smell of burning shit and mattress
and halve of the village with all the live stock and all...

I was so worrying that he will burn his house down,,,flames were 5 feet away from the door..fuck it was intense last night

/it all started from that post/

Re: burning poo
« Reply #261 on: November 15, 2016, 02:34:46 AM »
Tomorrow people will be asking on BGab.......where were you when akwilly burned his poo ??
:)

Re: burning poo
« Reply #262 on: November 15, 2016, 11:10:11 AM »
I hope that after that huge fire on his property burning akwilly's poo that his ass was not burned also,
and akwilly now is just a pile of ashes laying on the ground

Say it it's not so ak ...are you alive man?

Re: burning poo
« Reply #263 on: November 15, 2016, 03:45:23 PM »
I, however, did not consider that a flimsy K-Mart bag holding about 2 quarts of urine would not withstand the wind shear.  I didn't consider that at all.  As soon as I went to toss the bag it burst, and all of the piss flew back in the car, all over my arm, chest, and face.
Stop with the yellow journalism.  It was a very salty story though.

Re: burning poo
« Reply #264 on: November 17, 2016, 08:29:29 PM »
So with Thanksgiving coming up, can we expect a Turkey carcass, Poo, diesel fuel, beer case extravaganza?

Re: burning poo
« Reply #265 on: November 17, 2016, 09:41:02 PM »
... can we expect a Turkey carcass, Poo...

Over the line!!

Re: burning poo
« Reply #266 on: November 17, 2016, 09:49:23 PM »
So with Thanksgiving coming up, can we expect a Turkey carcass, Poo, diesel fuel, beer case extravaganza?
If I eat at home you bet there will be some serious poo burning.

Re: burning poo
« Reply #267 on: November 17, 2016, 09:51:13 PM »
If I eat at home you bet there will be some serious poo burning.

As it should be...........

Re: burning poo
« Reply #268 on: November 17, 2016, 10:22:29 PM »
cant wait to hear the tale.

The longue-tao.

mmm...

Sic as ober shadot Mapes

Re: burning poo
« Reply #269 on: November 17, 2016, 10:39:53 PM »
If I eat at home you bet there will be some serious poo burning.
Considering the usual Thanksgiving Day meal and associated drinking it should be an epic burning poo episode. Said fire should be shown at half-time during the Texas game the following day or Cowboys game that day! Or both!