Imagine what delicacies would grace a Jorch cruise buffet. Of course, turkee on whole wheat sammiches, Chicago all-beef wienies, salami, pizza rolls, but only reserved for "thuh brave" and with the appropriate warning signs in place. Twinkies for dessert, but you'll have to beat out Tommee, and with all the tap water you can drink. Then followed by Jorch's nightly crooning. Day, after day, after day. Damn. Leavenworth, anyone?
Ahhh, Dear God, can you imagine? You've stepped onto yet another 'Wagner/Danheiser' nightmare production with the likes of the numbers lady Glynnis, Dr. Joel 'The Vet' Wallach, pharmacist Ben, and Ty Bollinger, to boot. In a perfect world, Lionel Fanthorpe would be hosting fireside chats to sooth you into submission with his cloying rendition of 'Springheel Jack' (as well as to grease your wallet). The buffet would indeed provide an array of turkee-laden cryo-frozen samples of survivor foodstuffs. Genuine
Totino's pizza rolls would be heated per microwave ONLY instructions and served via toothpick sans warning. NooryBeets (and NOT
the black cherry flavor) would be flowing around the bar, and P90-X workouts would be available on the promenade deck. The crooning would commence like clockwork and the likes of Bill the AAA from West Connecticut, Annie from Alabama, ex-con Corny from Louisiana, and, let's NOT FORGET, Jan from Brooklyn, screeching a question at every opportunity she doesn't have her pie hole filled. Kiosks of Carnivora. Card tables overflowing with LifeLock promotion lackeys...I see this all too well. Doug Dietrich's unabridiged readings piped 24/7 into cabins...it's ALL here. It's beyond a nightmare. Michael "Z" from Santa Cruz is spinning the tunes while his 90+ year old mother crows the benefits of Yougetivty
products and yes, my pretty, you've become another captive audience of a Jorch Norrie cruise experience. There is no HELL...this is HELL. Death is best.