Ahhh, Dear God, can you imagine? You've stepped onto yet another 'Wagner/Danheiser' nightmare production with the likes of the numbers lady Glynnis, Dr. Joel 'The Vet' Wallach, pharmacist Ben, and Ty Bollinger, to boot. In a perfect world, Lionel Fanthorpe would be hosting fireside chats to sooth you into submission with his cloying rendition of 'Springheel Jack' (as well as to grease your wallet). The buffet would indeed provide an array of turkee-laden cryo-frozen samples of survivor foodstuffs. Genuine Totino's pizza rolls would be heated per microwave ONLY instructions and served via toothpick sans warning. NooryBeets (and NOT the black cherry flavor) would be flowing around the bar, and P90-X workouts would be available on the promenade deck. The crooning would commence like clockwork and the likes of Bill the AAA from West Connecticut, Annie from Alabama, ex-con Corny from Louisiana, and, let's NOT FORGET, Jan from Brooklyn, screeching a question at every opportunity she doesn't have her pie hole filled. Kiosks of Carnivora. Card tables overflowing with LifeLock promotion lackeys...I see this all too well. Doug Dietrich's unabridiged readings piped 24/7 into cabins...it's ALL here. It's beyond a nightmare. Michael "Z" from Santa Cruz is spinning the tunes while his 90+ year old mother crows the benefits of Yougetivty products and yes, my pretty, you've become another captive audience of a Jorch Norrie cruise experience. There is no HELL...this is HELL. Death is best.
Ack! Man, what a nightmare! Imagine being cornered by Bill the AAA, as he slobbers all over the place, repeating ad infinitum "I'm an atheist and an astronomer...." Don't forget the horrific cruise line-up will have to include Major Ed "Doom" Dames. He'll be providing RV lessons for an additional and mandatory fee. Once the ship of fools is way out at sea, Dames will have a special presentation, where he'll announce the ship will be sunk by an asteroid, just before it returns to port. Of course, all on board will die but Ed, Jorch, and Tommee will float safely to shore by clinging to large canisters of Carnivora, tooomeric, and Tangy Tangerine. In reality, of course, nothing at all will happen, other than Jorch and Tommee will helicopter to shore early when Tommee has a "pancake attack."
Oh, the humanity.