Author Topic: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.  (Read 44431 times)

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Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #60 on: November 19, 2015, 11:47:09 AM »
Also you might try /r/depression and  /r/suicidewatch, and there are most likely transgender subreddits with people who are going through the same things you are. Tons of people there to help.

That was going to be my next stop.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #61 on: November 19, 2015, 11:53:22 AM »
It's funny you mention comedy.  I've been trying to start doing stand-up recently.  Never got around to trying to perform a set at any of the local open mics.  Over the past year I've made acquaintance with someone who's a semi-popular comedic writer.  We're both trans and we both have the same kinda snide and sarcastic way of looking at things.  He digs most of my material, and he's encouraged me a couple of times to try it out.  We've both had similar experiences dealing with self harm/self loathing/suicide/etc.

This'll sound immodest but it's true nonetheless: spend time with people as smart as yourself. Learn a little bit of arrogance - it's unfortunately necessary for survival.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #62 on: November 19, 2015, 11:53:38 AM »
Charlie Sheen joke isn't it? Y U ALL B SRIOUS?

Look on the bright side, OP. At least you didn't cop AIDS getting reemed by a tranny like ole Charlie 'Bi-Winning' Sheen.


Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #63 on: November 19, 2015, 11:56:55 AM »
That was going to be my next stop.

Good. Keep at it.



Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #64 on: November 19, 2015, 11:57:14 AM »
Watch this video every time you feel bad. But DO NOT LAUGH.


Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #65 on: November 19, 2015, 11:57:25 AM »
This'll sound immodest but it's true nonetheless: spend time with people as smart as yourself. Learn a little bit of arrogance - it's unfortunately necessary for survival.

Why do you think I'm here?   ;)

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #66 on: November 19, 2015, 12:01:09 PM »
Why do you think I'm here?   ;)

Heh. Yeah me too, don't tell 'em tho.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #67 on: November 19, 2015, 12:28:14 PM »

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #68 on: November 19, 2015, 12:29:04 PM »
This poster made specific mention of working with MV previously.   MV knows if this is true, and if it is, MV may be in the best position to make the call on the validity/seriousness of these posts. If, in his mind, MV believes the situation warrants it, I'm sure he will take the appropriate action. 

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #69 on: November 19, 2015, 12:43:24 PM »
This poster made specific mention of working with MV previously.   MV knows if this is true, and if it is, MV may be in the best position to make the call on the validity/seriousness of these posts. If, in his mind, MV believes the situation warrants it, I'm sure he will take the appropriate action.

It is true, I remember at least one of the shows.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #70 on: November 19, 2015, 12:49:26 PM »
This poster made specific mention of working with MV previously.   MV knows if this is true, and if it is, MV may be in the best position to make the call on the validity/seriousness of these posts. If, in his mind, MV believes the situation warrants it, I'm sure he will take the appropriate action.

What is the appropriate action? Even if MV does know the name and address of this person, then what? I don't know if a call to the police does anything.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #71 on: November 19, 2015, 01:03:35 PM »
What is the appropriate action? Even if MV does know the name and address of this person, then what? I don't know if a call to the police does anything.

A fair point, my post was based on the assumption MV does know the individual's identify.  As for the appropriate action, a call to the police, then a call to a suicide prevention hotline.  I do not claim to be an expert in this area, but annual "wingman" training has been required in the USAF for at least a decade.  A significant portion of this training deals with the potential suicide of fellow airmen/coworkers.  Calling the police would be my first step.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #72 on: November 19, 2015, 01:03:49 PM »
It's funny you mention comedy.  I've been trying to start doing stand-up recently.  Never got around to trying to perform a set at any of the local open mics.  Over the past year I've made acquaintance with someone who's a semi-popular comedic writer.  We're both trans and we both have the same kinda snide and sarcastic way of looking at things.  He digs most of my material, and he's encouraged me a couple of times to try it out.  We've both had similar experiences dealing with self harm/self loathing/suicide/etc.

Stand up comedy.  In front of ppl.  And you are thinking about suicide?  Fuck me to tears.  Doing stand up has to be one of the bravest things ever in my book.  Walk up to that mike, and regardless of the laughs or tears, you own that mike and those ppl.

Me?  Volunteer to walk point.  Check.  In Fallujah?  Check.  (Tucked my balls in reeeeal tight for that one)
Stand up comedy?  Fuuuuuuck no.  Send me back to Iraq, bro, no stand up for me.

If suicide is a viable option to you, you should call the hotline.  Not check in with a bunch of assholes like BellGab.  This is a very dysfunctional family. 
The humor here can be dark, dirty, gallows and quite frankly, we are dealing with an infestation of Davebots and English folk on top of it all.

And hear this, this is an Official Corps Communique: Your life is not a joke and you are not a punchline.  You are worth more than you know.  That is all.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #73 on: November 19, 2015, 01:05:13 PM »
What is the appropriate action?...

A cigarette, a blindfold, and the warm sun on yer face?


sorry, sorry...

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #74 on: November 19, 2015, 01:06:57 PM »
Someone said twenty, but it's better than that.

Even just four or five years from now, intellectually, you would wonder why you almost did it.

Like others here, I'm sure, I have talked people off the ledge by disrupting their circular logic, said logic a response to recent events.

But as your situation sounds more organic, repetitive, obsessive-thought built and rebuilt, I believe that well meaning people could probably talk to you all day fucking long and it would have little effect on the physicality of your dilemma.

If I were there, I would simply punch you in the face to initiate a reboot that would temporarily stop the cycle and allow a more cohesive discussion.

But I am not driving to Austin to punch you in the face.  If I made the jaunt, it would be to hang with MABUSE, and you ~might~ be invited to join us if you were sworn to secrecy etc etc.  You're so young, that hanging with us might very well corrupt you beyond all belief.

Instead of the above, I suggest transcranial magnetic stimulation. 

If you are going to kill yourself anyway, first run up a godless credit card bill and rent or buy a TMS device and give it a go and play with cutting edge tech, or find a medical facility that can provided (repetitive)TMS. 

It's debatable as to how well it works, etc, but you are in the perfect position to experiment and become a bona fide ~psychonaut~ instead of mere body bag stuffing.  ( And so close to Thanksgiving... ugh. )   There is significant data that proves TMS has a real and measurable effect.  The only side effect seems to be increased/better neural functioning.

Since you refuse to change your avatar, I have to question whether you will listen to anything I have to say, despite the fact I have rock and roll concert shirts older than you.

https://womensmentalhealth.org/posts/transcranial-magnetic-stimulationtms-treatment-refractory-depression/

http://www.fisherwallace.com/


Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #75 on: November 19, 2015, 01:07:17 PM »
Stand up comedy.  In front of ppl.  And you are thinking about suicide?  Fuck me to tears.  Doing stand up has to be one of the bravest things ever in my book.  Walk up to that mike, and regardless of the laughs or tears, you own that mike and those ppl.

Me?  Volunteer to walk point.  Check.  In Fallujah?  Check.  (Tucked my balls in reeeeal tight for that one)
Stand up comedy?  Fuuuuuuck no.  Send me back to Iraq, bro, no stand up for me.

If suicide is a viable option to you, you should call the hotline.  Not check in with a bunch of assholes like BellGab.  This is a very dysfunctional family. 
The humor here can be dark, dirty, gallows and quite frankly, we are dealing with an infestation of Davebots and English folk on top of it all.

And hear this, this is an Official Corps Communique: Your life is not a joke and you are not a punchline.  You are worth more than you know.  That is all.


If you'd just said this in the movie, a lot of trouble could have been avoided.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #76 on: November 19, 2015, 01:07:33 PM »
What is the appropriate action? Even if MV does know the name and address of this person, then what? I don't know if a call to the police does anything.

THE APPROPRIATE ACTION IS TO WATCH THE DAMN MONKEY VIDEO

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #77 on: November 19, 2015, 01:15:43 PM »
THE APPROPRIATE ACTION IS TO WATCH THE DAMN MONKEY VIDEO
Dayam! Again with the monkeys! OK OK We'll watch the video!

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #78 on: November 19, 2015, 01:26:15 PM »

   Great. Now I can have grave doubts about my powers of persuasion.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #79 on: November 19, 2015, 01:39:12 PM »
If suicide is a viable option to you, you should call the hotline.  Not check in with a bunch of assholes like BellGab.  This is a very dysfunctional family. 
The humor here can be dark, dirty, gallows and quite frankly, we are dealing with an infestation of Davebots and English folk on top of it all.

No truer statement.  Bellgab is less than an optimal feedback environment and is not to be confused with Bellevue-gab.

Catsmile would be the absolute first to point out we're all mad here.

I have to go do laundry.

Goddamn it.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #80 on: November 19, 2015, 01:56:24 PM »
THE APPROPRIATE ACTION IS TO WATCH THE DAMN MONKEY VIDEO

I've always preferred this one.

http://pitchfork.com/reviews/albums/9464-shine-on/

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #81 on: November 19, 2015, 01:57:43 PM »
I'm going to give my sister a call soon and ask her to drive me over to the hospital so I can admit myself.  Might as well try something.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #82 on: November 19, 2015, 01:59:35 PM »
I'm going to give my sister a call soon and ask her to drive me over to the hospital so I can admit myself.  Might as well try something.

Ketamine, if they've got it.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #83 on: November 19, 2015, 01:59:57 PM »
Seriously though, best o luck.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #84 on: November 19, 2015, 02:04:16 PM »
I'm going to give my sister a call soon and ask her to drive me over to the hospital so I can admit myself.  Might as well try something.

For what it is worth, I did think you were pranking us.

Being that we are all strangers. There is little intervention to provide. Even if there were some strategy, it really does come down to your control.

I do hope you go to a hospital and get some support.

I am not one to blather about how good your life can be. I will say however, looking back over my life, I am very glad to just be here. I hope you stay around to find something similar.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #85 on: November 19, 2015, 02:05:06 PM »
We'll see you when you get back. 

Carry on.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #86 on: November 19, 2015, 02:15:50 PM »
There's a whole new class of antidepressants being developed based on ketamine. These apparently start to work right away, not the usual four to six weeks.
If it came down to killing myself, I'd first try to get a hold of some ketamine legal or illegal.

Check out http://www.ketamineadvocacynetwork.org/faq/ 

Some of the many others in development...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/AV-101

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/NRX-1074

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/GLYX-13


Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #87 on: November 19, 2015, 02:27:49 PM »
There's a whole new class of antidepressants being developed based on ketamine. These apparently start to work right away, not the usual four to six weeks.
If it came down to killing myself, I'd first try to get a hold of some ketamine legal or illegal.

Check out http://www.ketamineadvocacynetwork.org/faq/ 

Some of the many others in development...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/AV-101

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/NRX-1074

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/GLYX-13

I am all for the use of antidepressants. It is also important to develop a therapeutic relationship with a therapist. Without learning skills to help cope with the emotional stumbling blocks we all encounter, antidepressants at some point are of little help.

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #88 on: November 19, 2015, 02:30:09 PM »
I'm going to give my sister a call soon and ask her to drive me over to the hospital so I can admit myself.  Might as well try something.
hope yer ok man!  go get some help and hopefully in a few days you won't be looking at crap this way. 

Re: I'm going to blow my fucking brains out once and for all.
« Reply #89 on: November 19, 2015, 03:03:17 PM »
There's a whole new class of antidepressants being developed based on ketamine. These apparently start to work right away, not the usual four to six weeks.
If it came down to killing myself, I'd first try to get a hold of some ketamine legal or illegal.

Check out http://www.ketamineadvocacynetwork.org/faq/ 

Some of the many others in development...

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/AV-101

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/NRX-1074

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/GLYX-13


Hmm. I'm a big fan of tactical k-binges from time to time so I'm well aware of its supposed anti-depressant qualities. I can't see it helping in a regular-dose scenario. All that does is numb you all the time. I could claim that the first time I took K may well have saved my life, but if so it was in terms of short-sharp slap-to-the-soul, and I can't see how society could legislate for something like that.