His eyes start to water, his lips all a-quiver,
The doctor endeavored to palpate his liver.
"Why can't they just come here?" he peevishly cried,
"And I don't understand why I can't see inside."
He addressed this remark, with a wave of his hand,
To the door to the room from which he had been banned
For more than a month now, while she worked within
With several young men he suspected of sin.
"I told you this Christmas we'd be by ourselves
With no-one around, except maybe some elves."
At this hint of flirtation he quickly got ready,
Though his perfunct'ry toilet was grim and unsteady.
I pass over how they will spend Christmas Eve;
Their friends, tired of waiting, had started to leave
By the time they arrived, and it was a brief chat.
The rude waiter scowled; the champagne was flat.
On their quick trip home Hoagie asked her to drive
And he went straight to bed, now more dead than alive.