NooryLand & NooryWorld amusement park ideas...

[pate]

George Noory, self-styled modern Walt Disney! Har-haw-har!

Grate ider!

So you have whack-a-mean-baby as a main attraction?

Your concession stands sell Pizza Rolls (with Toomeric dipping sauce?)

I'd like to suggest a crazy Roller Coaster (for fifteen cents a day) that ends up short of where you started....

Clowns that make weird animals & such (fer yew!@)

The endless possibility are!

gns

[b_dubb]

A giant suck that really sucks at sucking but somehow simultaneously sucks. A lot.

[paladin1991]

I do believe that such a park should serve a Pizza Punch spritzer and TurKee sammich combo at the numerous Vomitoriums.

[b_dubb]

actually the park is just a front for a population control facility.  people would enter "the park" but then molten hot pizza rolls would be fired randomly into the crowd.  survivors would get free medical treatment at the Turmeric Park Burn Center and then released back into the world.  those who succumb to the pizza roll attack would be immediately converted into - you guessed it - pizza rolls.

[jazmunda]

Sounds like The Suckiest Place in Earth.

[TheMan WhoFell ToEarth]

Free* Carnivora samples for every guest.

[paladin1991]

Free* Carnivora samples for every guest.

Does it come as suppositories?  And if so, can I get a few extra?an

[pate]

I guess there out to be a petting zoo there.  Crazed Chimpanzees and such...

Little known fact:  Jorch iGnoory was a hamster wrangler in his younger days...

I also seem to have left out the escalator to nowhere ride....  I assume either NooryWorld or NooryLand will be in Hawaii, so I also assume he will arrange the escalator ride to end in the mouth of the volcano...  Either that or it will be some sort of Moebius strip escalator that goes nowhere, and never ends...

[pate]

I am thinking perhaps a Classhic Radio History tunnel ride or somesuch should be appropriate.  Victims Guests will be subjected to recorded sound bites from that modern Classhic Radio Shoe C2CAM, and perhaps dioramas (sp) based on the pertinent events...

Appparently someone has stolen this idea using a time masheen of some sort, I will let Jorch's lawyers deal with the legal gymnastics on that one, but here is the relevant video evidence that should be considered (in their defense they seem to have captured exactly what I envisioned for the JorchLand/World ride):

Land of the Lost: Anna Friel, Danny McBride, and Will Ferrell highlight scene HARE CLIP

[yoego]

Obviously [attach=1]

[eyenoeyeno]

Obviously [attach=1]

Yeah... I thought that too, but who's going to want to go on that one? You would have to give some sort of incentive.

[pate]

Perhaps a petting zoo/game of skill attraction:

Throw the turtle at the pyramid of bottles for fun prizes (mostly just the Christmas CD), some sort of bonus points if the turtle gets killed, perhaps a photo with the gNooron?

[Nick el Ass]

Perhaps a petting zoo/game of skill attraction:

Throw the turtle at the pyramid of bottles for fun prizes (mostly just the Christmas CD), some sort of bonus points if the turtle gets killed, perhaps a photo with the gNooron?

With Casey the dog, and the few other pets that managed to escape Noory's wrath over the years... Plus Linda Moulton Howe can give courses on cattle mutilation, and when they finish they can turn the cows into food for everyone to chow down on.

[MV/Liberace!]

As you enter the front gate, two slow witted men with fake jet black mustaches in red leisure suits greet you in unison with, "how are yeeeewwwwww?"

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Daily George Noory Auction

Highest bidder gets a dinner with Noory, except he doesn't show and all they get is their choice of sandwiches at a gas station convenience store and are then stuck in a replica studio with a cardboard cutout of George and a recording of his favourite expressions and stories.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Mexican Taxi Ride

Theme Park ride around a plywood Mexico set in a 'taxi' pulled around by a chain on rails and a robotic Tommy blowing kisses in the back seat.  Suddenly the ride breaks down and you get kidnapped by a robotic taxi driver who steals $20 (the ride fee) and you are forced to escape and walk out of the park.

[PB the Deplorable]

The failed Café Marrakesh and Oasis Bar makes a comeback. 

George still has tubs of industrial sized cans of food - mayo, butter, beans, spam - left over from when the original folded, and would love to use it up someday

[Gd5150]

The Noory Funhouse.

"When they go in, they all look the same...but when they come out they look different."

"How's that? Fella I say how's that?

"When they come out...they all...look...SCARED"

[paladin1991]

Mexican Taxi Ride

Theme Park ride around a plywood Mexico set in a 'taxi' pulled around by a chain on rails and a robotic Tommy blowing kisses in the back seat.  Suddenly the ride breaks down and you get kidnapped by a robotic taxi driver who steals $20 (the ride fee) and  your kidney and you are forced to escape and walk out of the park.

[TheSheriff]

George Noorys freak show starring himself, as the man who can't pronounce anything correctly

[wr250]

the screaming clown roller coaster.
everyone rides with a scary clown, while submerging artists blast from the speaker in front of you.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Racehorse Ride

It sounds great, but all you get to do is feed and clean up after the partialbred racehorses.  The ride lasts twelve hours.  George never shows up but the whole time you can hear him boast about how he raises racehorses over a racetrack style loud speaker system mounted on posts throughout the fairgrounds.

[UnscreenedCaller]

The Kiddie Vintage Car Ride:
An old convertible with busted springs and Jorch ~n~ Tommy's names scotchtaped to the side goes around and around and around and around and around and...

It's A Small Small Small Small Brain:
This exciting ride takes you around vistas of Luna glass towers, domes and soulcatchers, plus Martian apartment complexes and seekrut NASA bases, plus the very special appearance of the alternate NASA space program landing site, all optimized to view Planet X as it makes it's breathtaking, majestic approach. Special 19.5% discount to Accutron watch wearers.

[coaster]

My grandpappy would tell us stories of his day as a carny. There was a man he said, who could eat his weight in pizza rolls. We didn't believe him until he showed us this picture-

[UnscreenedCaller]

lol, coaster!

[b_dubb]

The Pizza Roll Man keeps his burnt, smoldering tongue in a jar by his bed.  If only that were true.

[ItsOver]

What a brilliant thread.  )

[coaster]

What a brilliant thread.

fun while it lasted eh

[pate]

Simple Jorch's Bumper Carz

For this ride there are two lines, in one before you get into the bumper car you are given a granny wig, a calico dress, umbrella, a large purse with pepper spray & a bible in it.  In the other you get a white shirt and a pack of cigarettes.

So you drive around but whenever the 'granny' team hits the 'white tee shirt' team all the cars power turns off and a card board cut-out of Jorch pops up and the loud speakers start playing his patented laugh "har-hur-haw" then the theme from Mortal Kombat starts playing (gradually building in volume to drown out his laughter) then at some point appropriate Jorch's voices cuts over the music screaming "Fight"

You are expected to fight to the death, if the fight is greusome enough Jorch will show it on his Beyond Beeluf shoe and give you a lifetime pass to NooryWorld or NooryLand (but not both), perhaps some free books from his closet too.

-------------

Volcano Escalator Ride "Meet the Famous Television Star Himself!!!"

I got to thinking about this one a bit more, it'll sort of be like Joe vs the Volcano, only it's the victims guests vs the Volcano.  You see, Simple Jorch really believes the executives at PremRat are gods, and in order to keep his spot on C2CAM he needs a steady supply of sacrifices to throw into the volcano, since his listeners have dwindled, he now is using his park guests to feed the angry-radio-volcano-god(s).  When you get to the top, you meet the real Jorch (that is part of the draw):  what he does is mumble something incoherent and point to the bubbling lava below, when the guest looks down where he is pointing he stabs you in the back and shoves you into the volcano.  I forgot to mention, in order to dull your wits at the start of the escalator ride you get to take a few shots of Frumus Uphen Wine...

[UnscreenedCaller]

Giant Whirlpool o' Suckage

Bases upon TiltaWhirl, this giant toilet shaped ride straps passengers on to the sides. As the ride gets underway, splashing sounds are made as they begin circling the drain. Periodically Noory's voice announces: "We're changing direction!" and the whirlpool o' suckage goes off in the opposite direction. This happens several times until the suckage is over, the passengers go down the drain and the ride finally grinds to a halt. Passengers leave puking, minus a few brain cells and asking for their money back.


"Wanna take a ride?"
"Not anymore."