Author Celebrate Halloween and you'll burn in Hell for eternity, and it won't be fun  (Read 1249 times)

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"I read up on what the Halloween tradition was and saw it wasn't Christian, but giving out tracts is! The first time I did this I heard from several children, 'Mom, look! A book on Jesus!' It caught on so much my neighbors asked what special tract was I giving out each year." D.M. OH

I can read between the lines for much of this.

"I read up on what the Halloween tradition was and saw it wasn't Christian, but giving out tracts is! The first time I did this I heard from several children, 'Mom, look! A book on Jesus!' It caught on so much my neighbors asked what special tract was I giving out each year." D.M. OH

I can read between the lines for much of this.

Read some of the tracts if you've never seen them before.  The legendary, and some say imaginary*, Jack Chick has been churning them out for over fifty years in an effort to scare the Bejesus into people.  Halloween really bugs him for some reason.


*From Wikipedia - "Very little is known about Chick; he has given only one known professional interview since 1975. The lack of available public information about him has created some speculation that he was a pen name for unnamed author(s) or ghostwriters. Several audio cassettes of his preaching distributed to his subscribers purport to contain his voice. While he has never released a photo of himself for publication, purported photos of Chick have been published by others."

Further reading - http://www.weirdcrap.com/chick/archive.html


You lost me at "read". Just give me candy.

People who hand out "Jesus" cartoon books at Halloween are just begging to have their houses egged and TP'd.

What a thrill to distribute about 150 "Boo" tracts to kids in my small town. If anyone asked "What's this?" I just told them it was a little comic book.  -K.M. from Oklahoma

Shouldn't the first hint that this is a little scuzzy be when you have to disguise Jesus porn as a child's comic book?

People who hand out "Jesus" cartoon books at Halloween are just begging to have their houses egged and TP'd.

Yes, but the people handing out the books will receive salvation and will spend eternity in Heaven with God and the angels in a state of supreme, everlasting grace and bliss.  The eggers and tpers will have their fun for now, but the last laugh will be on them when they find themselves doomed to the infernal regions where they will have forever to reflect upon and rue their earthly dickishness.

Yes, but the people handing out the books will receive salvation and will spend eternity in Heaven with God and the angels in a state of supreme, everlasting grace and bliss.  The eggers and tpers will have their fun for now, but the last laugh will be on them when they find themselves doomed to the infernal regions where they will have forever to reflect upon and rue their earthly dickishness.

If I'm going to hell for my alleged TP/egging when I was 10, then I might as well  make the most of what time I have left. In that case, the blow and hookers are on me!

If I'm going to hell for my alleged TP/egging when I was 10, then I might as well  make the most of what time I have left. In that case, the blow and hookers are on me!

Sweeet!  I'm going for mentally undressing girls in church when I was thirteen, so I have nothing to lose. 

Halloween Gabcast tomorrow?

No problem.  Its just a clever way to part fundies from their money.  Kids sort their H'ween candy into two piles; keepers & crap.  Guess which pile the bible "tracts" go into.

Sweeet!  I'm going for mentally undressing girls in church when I was thirteen, so I have nothing to lose. 

Halloween Gabcast tomorrow?

I know you love baking; it's one of you favourite hobbies. But (and we've discussed it before), licking the icing of the cakes before offering them out (In front of everyone) isn't going to get you girlfriends. It really isn't.

"See, we're not the only weirdos!"...

At least the lady acknowledges fact..

People who hand out "Jesus" cartoon books at Halloween are just begging to have their houses egged and TP'd.
yes. I would help my 2 year old do this.  I hope we get one, I've been itching to do a good egging on something worthy.


Halloween Gabcast tomorrow?

There hasn't been much of a response so far. statistically closer to zero percent on the enthusiasm scale.
 It might or might not happen, we'll see.
All the cool people are going to a party & most parents are taking their kids trick or treating.

There hasn't been much of a response so far. statistically closer to zero percent on the enthusiasm scale.
 It might or might not happen, we'll see.
All the cool people are going to a party & most parents are taking their kids trick or treating.

Oh well, there's always blow and hookers.

I know you love baking; it's one of you favourite hobbies. But (and we've discussed it before), licking the icing of the cakes before offering them out (In front of everyone) isn't going to get you girlfriends. It really isn't.

I have no idea what you're babbling about, although when I was in church I often fantasized about licking icing off of Jenny Fenwick's luscious and shapely....never mind.

why mess around. put dmt in the candy so they can see god.
in the distant past when it was little kids knocking, i enjoyed handing out candy and toys. these days screw 'em.

Inserting Christian pamphlets in Trick or Treat bags creates neural crossroads.

Taking a stab for balance, I visit various parks the Saturday night before Easter Sunday and hide gold plastic eggs, the type that are hollow and separate in halves for prize insertion.

I roll brand new dollar bills up into toot tubes (held together with miniature cigar bands of my own design, displaying the Great Seal of the House of Baphomet.)

Each golden egg includes: a rolled dollar, gummy worms, a rubber spider, a plastic mummy, and a Bazooka style mini cartoon featuring a nude sunbathing woman squealing on the beach when she realizes a just off shore submarine's periscope is trained in her direction, its lens bulging forward like a human eyeball.

Cartoon nipples ARE visible.

(the comment balloon above the periscope reads: Fire torpedo number one! Hubba hubba!)

There's also a small pamphlet: The Zodiac And You. The Guide To Your Stars.

And finally, to top it off, a little hand written note goes in each egg:

Congratulations! You found the secret Devil's Spawn Egg! Enjoy your gifts! Happy Easter Island, my little imp! See ya next year! Stay frosty. - sincerely, your daddy whose name is Satan.

P.S. sign your name below mine and put a drop of your blood there the next time you skin a knee.  Once you do that, you're an official member of the Devil Danger Club!




You have to get them when they're young.

Inserting Christian pamphlets in Trick or Treat bags creates neural crossroads.

Taking a stab for balance, I visit various parks the Saturday night before Easter Sunday and hide gold plastic eggs, the type that are hollow and separate in halves for prize insertion.

I roll brand new dollar bills up into toot tubes (held together with miniature cigar bands of my own design, displaying the Great Seal of the House of Baphomet.)

Each golden egg includes: a rolled dollar, gummy worms, a rubber spider, a plastic mummy, and a Bazooka style mini cartoon featuring a nude sunbathing woman squealing on the beach when she realizes a just off shore submarine's periscope is trained in her direction, its lens bulging forward like a human eyeball.

Cartoon nipples ARE visible.

(the comment balloon above the periscope reads: Fire torpedo number one! Hubba hubba!)

There's also a small pamphlet: The Zodiac And You. The Guide To Your Stars.

And finally, to top it off, a little hand written note goes in each egg:

Congratulations! You found the secret Devil's Spawn Egg! Enjoy your gifts! Happy Easter Island, my little imp! See ya next year! Stay frosty. - sincerely, your daddy whose name is Satan.

P.S. sign your name below mine and put a drop of your blood there the next time you skin a knee.  Once you do that, you're an official member of the Devil Danger Club!




You have to get them when they're young.

How dare you expose kids to cartoon nipples!
Monster!

Inserting Christian pamphlets in Trick or Treat bags creates neural crossroads.

Taking a stab for balance, I visit various parks the Saturday night before Easter Sunday and hide gold plastic eggs, the type that are hollow and separate in halves for prize insertion.

I roll brand new dollar bills up into toot tubes (held together with miniature cigar bands of my own design, displaying the Great Seal of the House of Baphomet.)

Each golden egg includes: a rolled dollar, gummy worms, a rubber spider, a plastic mummy, and a Bazooka style mini cartoon featuring a nude sunbathing woman squealing on the beach when she realizes a just off shore submarine's periscope is trained in her direction, its lens bulging forward like a human eyeball.

Cartoon nipples ARE visible.

(the comment balloon above the periscope reads: Fire torpedo number one! Hubba hubba!)

There's also a small pamphlet: The Zodiac And You. The Guide To Your Stars.

And finally, to top it off, a little hand written note goes in each egg:

Congratulations! You found the secret Devil's Spawn Egg! Enjoy your gifts! Happy Easter Island, my little imp! See ya next year! Stay frosty. - sincerely, your daddy whose name is Satan.

P.S. sign your name below mine and put a drop of your blood there the next time you skin a knee.  Once you do that, you're an official member of the Devil Danger Club!




You have to get them when they're young.

That's so inspired it has to be true.

Frankly, nobody cares.

All rational people understand that Halloween is nothing more then a fun, whimsical, night to score a little candy, have a little party, and just have some laughs. No harm; no foul. I think God can handle it. He really does have a sense of humor and I know this because I look in the mirror everyday. RELAX.

Inserting Christian pamphlets in Trick or Treat bags creates neural crossroads.

Taking a stab for balance, I visit various parks the Saturday night before Easter Sunday and hide gold plastic eggs, the type that are hollow and separate in halves for prize insertion.

I roll brand new dollar bills up into toot tubes (held together with miniature cigar bands of my own design, displaying the Great Seal of the House of Baphomet.)

Each golden egg includes: a rolled dollar, gummy worms, a rubber spider, a plastic mummy, and a Bazooka style mini cartoon featuring a nude sunbathing woman squealing on the beach when she realizes a just off shore submarine's periscope is trained in her direction, its lens bulging forward like a human eyeball.

Cartoon nipples ARE visible.

(the comment balloon above the periscope reads: Fire torpedo number one! Hubba hubba!)

There's also a small pamphlet: The Zodiac And You. The Guide To Your Stars.

And finally, to top it off, a little hand written note goes in each egg:

Congratulations! You found the secret Devil's Spawn Egg! Enjoy your gifts! Happy Easter Island, my little imp! See ya next year! Stay frosty. - sincerely, your daddy whose name is Satan.

P.S. sign your name below mine and put a drop of your blood there the next time you skin a knee.  Once you do that, you're an official member of the Devil Danger Club!




You have to get them when they're young.

My feeling is that a holiday that inspires a post this good can't be all bad.

HAIL SATAN!

Having just stood in a shop queue waiting for the bloody world and it's wife to buy sweets, witches costumes, devils costumes, more sweets, alien suits (Halloween?) and no doubt other shit; I've decided finally to be entirely (I was only 98% before) in the camp to have the 31st of October eradicated until this bloody colonial imported excuse for extortion with menaces and legalised begging is wiped from the map.



Not that I feel strongly or anything.

Frankly, nobody cares.

All rational people understand that Halloween friday is nothing more then a fun, whimsical, night to score a little candy, have a little party, and just have some laughs. No harm; no foul. I think God can handle it. He really does have a sense of humor and I know this because I look in the mirror everyday. RELAX.

fixed

Having just stood in a shop queue waiting for the bloody world and it's wife to buy sweets, witches costumes, devils costumes, more sweets, alien suits (Halloween?) and no doubt other shit; I've decided finally to be entirely (I was only 98% before) in the camp to have the 31st of October eradicated until this bloody colonial imported excuse for extortion with menaces and legalised begging is wiped from the map.



Not that I feel strongly or anything.

Go carve a calabash, Scrooge.

Having just stood in a shop queue waiting for the bloody world and it's wife to buy sweets, witches costumes, devils costumes, more sweets, alien suits (Halloween?) and no doubt other shit; I've decided finally to be entirely (I was only 98% before) in the camp to have the 31st of October eradicated until this bloody colonial imported excuse for extortion with menaces and legalised begging is wiped from the map.

Great costume!  Now all you need is some kids and a lawn.

Go carve a calabash, Scrooge.

Don't get me started on Christmas...that's to come. I'll be hoping to start a speshul thread nearer the event.

Great costume!  Now all you need is some kids and a lawn.

For one day only it's been made legal here to throw golf balls at pesky kids who wander up the path begging for sweets. If golf balls aren't available, bricks are permitted.

Do you know this talented artist by any chance, zeebo? 



It's just a shame such a cute little critter wound up dooming his soul to an eternity of excruciating torment for a few fleeting moments of what he thought was some harmless Halloween fun. 

Do you know this talented artist by any chance, zeebo? 



It's just a shame such a cute little critter wound up dooming his soul to an eternity of excruciating torment for a few fleeting moments of what he thought was some harmless Halloween fun.

This will save him:
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