Author Auto Spank feature not enabled?  (Read 2785 times)

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Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« on: October 15, 2014, 04:22:01 AM »
Seems not to be working... or whichever, and you don't respond to mu personal massages, so must be technigogivol..  er something

dammit, EDIT: I need an adult!

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2014, 07:49:44 AM »

Must be some sort of issue with the  flash payer (player)


Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2014, 03:33:28 PM »

Pate all is forgiven, that Floyd cover is just what I needed to hear right now, thanks.  Btw years ago I caught Primus at a house party in Berkeley before they got big ... friggin blew the doors off the place, and my mind.

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2014, 02:58:49 AM »
Heh, I thought it was all in my mind, but still...  Auto Spank...  seems like a feature or a bug... who can tell?

There goes that whole idea...

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2014, 10:56:25 AM »
This is the sub category where it clearly states that the board (or sub-board) is not retarded, right?  I read that correctly?

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #5 on: October 27, 2014, 06:08:07 AM »
This is the thread where somebody reveals that Sony or IntarVixen (tm) {dammit these company names must seem like gibberish to you], in -my- timeline Stalin visited Central Africa before -your- Operation Barbarossa succeeded...

The guy contracted that strain of Uganda-7 that killed him and many others (on both sides) anyhow... all that isn't important!

What is important is that the Auto-Bot (that's what -we- as in -my- timeline calls them) is a subversive killer that will stop at nothing, nothing short of invading your movies.  -We-ve managed to intercept this transmission:

We cannot be sure but it seems to symbolize some sort of enemy/friendly cooperation with the early version of Auto Spank (-your- term not -ours- dammit wake up, Hank Hill will lead you to victory but it is sdhaf

it is his father dhafksdh coach and Quaterback that ahwhje key to ahldjl Elway.a owns sdlfha


Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #6 on: November 02, 2014, 05:29:53 AM »
I think it was a calibration issue, everything seems to be working fine and has done so for around four hours...

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #7 on: November 10, 2014, 04:14:31 AM »
Okay, so I thought the calibration issue was resolved, but it getting janky again.  I tried this applet/browser extension/accelerator I found on the Silk Road;  the description was all in Russian or Ukrainian or something, but I ran it through Google translate and it translated as "Make computer spank good, full auto" or something like that...

Now, I cannot uninstall it, and it seems to have hijacked my Apple wallet thing on the new phone, and keeps ordering some stuff called crocodil from somewhere in Siberia and shipping it to my house via the Amazon market, the stuff is expensive for synthetic heroin, but they do include a half dozen used syringes with each shipment...  I think I like the real stuff better, but hey, you don't waste good smack (or spank)...

Where was I?  Oh, yeah, that all is no big deal, but the damn Russian applet thingy has made my background on my desktop change, and put the file in some hidden folder I can't access because I no longer have admin privs... Anyhow, I did I screen cap of the file it is forcing to my background in the hopes that someone can help me identify the applet thing I found (the file self-deleted after install, anyhow...)  here it is:

Now, excuse me, I need to go bang a vein with some sweet, sweet crocodil...

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2014, 02:26:40 AM »
I suppose I should give you all some back ground here.  My name is Colonel Pate Manly, I come from an alternated time-line where events occurred a bit differently than they have in yours.

For instance, in *my* timeline, Art Bell is still the host of a late-night/early-morning television show.  I am a frequent guest on the show, I tell people about my ability to "remote view" I also sell a computer program that can aid people that have the ability to do what I do actually accomplish it.  I started out working for DARPA and the Defense Department back in the 1960s (you see the moon colony missions back in the 1950s were so successful that the technology we used 'computers' were advanced a few orders of magnitude from the punch card versions we had back in the 1910s at the beginning of the Great War (1916-1944)... I digress...

Anyhow, I use a technology that we call the IntarTubes to do my remote viewing, it has to do with quantum entanglements and other things difficult to explain succienctly.  In short it allows me to read information on the intartubes of alternate dimensions, for the Department of Offense, I used this skill to attempt to give battle commanders an idea if a particular battle plan might have a reasonable chance of success.  It is a lot of work, as there are an infinite number of timelines that vary by merely a single detail... Boring stuff I know, and quite tedious, believe me.

I am here on *your* intartubes in *your* timeline because I think you all have it really bad there.  The main locus of probablity that is messing up your timeline that I can tell is the fact that someone named George Noory has hijacked Art's television show, in fact your timeline is pretty far behind ours;  as far as I can ascertain this George Noory only has a Radio Show?  What is this the 1880s?  Haha.  Needless to say, Art Bell was a pioneer in our timeline too.  He discovered in his extensive travels in the Phillipines the genetic secret to staying virile and healthy well into what were once termed the Golden Years of ones life...

I apologies, I need to get to the point before this quantum entaglement breaks down and cuts off my connection to your particular time-line.  I see from this thread that other versions of me from *other* timelines have been carrying on communiques here involving *your* timelines predicament.

In my brief tour of your version of the IntarTube I found this bit of video evidence:

this seems to indicate that the "Russo Japanese War" in *your* run-up to the Great War somehow went wrong, I am guessing that the Czar used the Japanese heavy industry and early technological breakthroughs to accelerate the coming Great Machine War (the real reason I am here, although in *my* timeline there is a completely different cause; in *your* time-line it all seems to stem from this "George Noory" character, it's wierd, it is like that guy in your time-line is at the center of some nexus of suck...)  afdsjhaamssion breakifbxzm ..

Fightaalsdkfagood fight, my friensldfa;ls

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #9 on: December 07, 2014, 04:39:45 AM »
In *my* timeline Doug Adams (PhD) is a revered figure, it seems in *yours* he seems to be a fiction author...

In a check for veracity:  In *my* timeline the 'gay pride' movement adopted the Union Jack?  And in *yours* it was some sort of rainbow?  On Art's show it is a source of great amusment (sp) as it makes more sense in *my* timeline... I digress...

The main reason I communicate with you this time is:

I'vde already spent far too much time mucking aroung ina youer time line...

I iamalgj..

'nhtera; thangfa..

In any case, your Auto whichwewer

ees bunkumabkdjha

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #10 on: January 01, 2015, 03:52:34 AM »

Yall need help...  Nefermind...

Here's the facts:

I was about to explain douglas adams to ya, oh I almost did... hehe

Here's a hindsight fifty/fifty:  HOURGLASS

That could be a codename or an easy explanation of Dogu's work, why they made him a count )CUNT?( I cannot explain ///


Quero the Quearoo... dmanigt tryhapzkl iu
fa;beraking upaup

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #11 on: February 08, 2015, 06:15:11 AM »
Sock Puppets Use No Words...

I found this:

This was a serious incident after professional broadcaster George Norry finally admitted his eXtense (forgive the spelling there) as a Navy Cook that saved the SEALs from disaster...  I digress, Sec State Ventura was quick to deny that Sock Puppets were the main threat to hoomanite.... 

Gets wierds twixt that, and these



Outstanding quran thing y... The love goes way back, look to your masters.

I found it more amuxing that your time-line didn't include a funny.

Cartouche rouchly xlated to "Johnny Qwest" that sstuf is popular...

Wow, no time-dialation pordahl intar-fence sheiyoih sdh dh...

edit: timshalh asdhljheh, your sitcoms...

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #12 on: February 08, 2015, 07:54:40 AM »
pate have you been playing the noory drinking game, you know the one where you do a shot ever time noory mispronounces something?
and lissenin to noory re-runs on the weekend?

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #13 on: February 10, 2015, 01:10:46 AM »
&ssd7fan (ou read me?

I think I have everything tuned in correctly...

I hope your struggle goes well, my alternate time line friends!

Colonel Pate Manly here, I have some new information for you.  This is actually from another time-line from yours, and it is a bit closer to mine than yours, it being from the future.  It involves a computer game where I am apparently the main character.  The story is interesting and it sort of follows the time-line that I can relate to as mine, perhaps y'all can figure out how it might relate to *yours*?  There are radio towers and broadcasts, evil robot armies &c.  Anyhow, in this timeline they apparently restored the intar-tubes after it was all over, and I believe I have some part in the rebuilding effort.  I managed to get a screenshot for you, I hope it translates through, there may be slight garbling of the pixels due to something that may exist in *your* time line, we shall have to see...  Or it could be that is one of the many time-lines where the universe is a giant computer simulation... who knows?

*ColonelPateGame.jpg (222.8 kB . 1680x1050 - viewed 100 times)

Also, perhaps of interest I found this video clip in *your* time-line,

and it might be one of those coincedental bleed through things, I dunno, there are many time-lines I try to stay away from, as they are very strange and bizzare...  Anyhow, one of those guys looks like me, but I don't think it really is, who knows?

More importantly, things seem to be getting heated up for y'all, I have some advice based on the way I've seen even turn out in some of the other time-lines closely related to yours.

What ash@dughy' ll$aanaant to do doo is

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #14 on: February 21, 2015, 08:11:29 AM »
~c>shuaa*7p."mwiht@4ppp0l7r)on?, in.  Say again, come in, over.

I am going to assume that this message gets through.  Things seem to have accelerated recently in *your* timeline.  Apparently the robot army grows stronger, I see from some of the above communiques that I was correct about that one movie about robots having some connection.  Apparently *your* enemy believes it is a robot, instead of not knowing that it was a robot, as portrayed in the movie.  I blame this mistake on the positron/electron intar-actions causing trans-portaltational relationships not specifically grounded in any particular reality.  I refer you to *your* Doug Adam's Master's thesis "Detecting Holistic Time Parallels" for the relevant mathematical details, a truly ground breaking work but eclipsed by his later "Guide to the Galaxy" Doctoral dissertation, I digress.

 [ Invalid Attachment ]

Above is a picture of a book, I believe it is a rebuttal to the Scientologists that disputed the theory Adams presented in his "Detecting Holistic Time Paralells" work.  The title in *my* timeline is different, but the one in *your* time-line makes sense, it was a dark time for Mr. Adams, and he is an Englisher so perhaps in *your* timeline he drowned his sorries in that watery weak beverage they so love.  Time is short, I apologize for going off track, on to the important message!

By now, it is clear to you that the "Crazy Lake" prophesied by the prophet Herbert is coming.  A time of great woe and emptiness, but if *your* timeline does not deviate too far from the indicated probability paths, it will be seen as a great victory for the righteous.  I have had trouble finding references to the religion of Enud (*my* timeline's name for it, so it may well be gibbersih to you...) founded on the revelations made to us by Free "Frenchy" Herbert. 

It is of no matter, I find references to "Crazy Lake" in the great historians Bobby Shea & R.A. "Heinlein" Wilson's work covering the historical events in *your* timeline, I know in *my* timeline it is considered the tour-de-force historical document of the struggle I believe you are about to face.

Again, I believe pordimensional interference may have garbled what I have been able to glean from *your* intar-tube.  Using the trans-dimensional physics is more of an Art than a science, and few have my abilities, although my limited perusal of this forum leads me to believe that others may have my "gift". 

A side question: is "Totenkopf" the word for "crazy" in *your* version of the language Allemandais/Allemande?  I see that it refers to a dance, in *your* time-line either a language or a sauce?  I have seen reference to "Mayonnaise" else-where herein, mayhaps the two are related; unimportant, really, I am somewhat curious though.

Before I continue, here is a short video I found in *your* timeline that seems somehow connected, I hope you find it inspirational:

Apologies!  I forget *my* time for transmission to *your* timeline in *my* past is limited!  My advice to you, judging from the potentialities coming up in the next few months is thus:  You will want to deploy your fighter al*n@.+4e..fort&^33para7737,s@)X..

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #15 on: March 08, 2015, 07:34:35 AM »

qw.(3ha2s.. is thi@35%#... ha<ha.3 lo? 

NO matter.  I also know ku_shoe!  WitnessL:

too easy. &tha2led01*2>/?|'".

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #16 on: March 15, 2015, 07:39:40 AM »
%>oh$eF\f!^37ist\3r1Q11.1.0-n, say again, come in.

Colonel Pate Manly.  OVER.

For *your* sakes I hope this message gets through.

I have previously written of the book of enud.  The Worm figures heavily in the mythology of that Tome in *my* timeline.  I have since found through my extensive researches that in *your* timeline this work by Frenchy Herbert was written in several installments, I assume in the "Pulp Fiction" magazines of *your* 1940s-1950s.  The histories of "our" shared timelines is quite confusing.  Trust me, I am a professional Offense Department professional in *my* timeline.  I have my own intar-tube portal server in my basement which I use to sift and seive the various parallel/divergent timelines at my disposal.

I looked for misambiguations of *your* word "Worm" and I found that one is "Wyrm."  I further found that *your* word "Wyrm" relates to a mythical creature, I forget what it was, as I cannot keep hand-written nor even digital notes for various security reasons, I digress.  The point is, I found a work of fiction by one of *your* authors the book is entitled in *your* time-line "The Real Story."  I believe it falls into your unique genre of "Science Fiction."  Due to other time-lines I am investigating on behalf of the Dept. of Offense, I found this to be an intriguing book.  I spent some time transpositronically getting that book and the others in the Series. 
*Your* timeline seems to have a fixation with the "Serial" genre, I think it has to do with *your* late development of the Audio, then Visual sciences.  I think your time-line lumps it into some sort of "AV Club" in the middle school years...  Again, I digress.

Donaldson, the name "The Real Story."  My time capacitors seem to be half discharged/charged, thyme is short her, apologies.  I shall attempt to finish relaying the important information


Gah! The intar-tube wormhole gets dicey at half-charge, I do not notice any meaningful distortions with this communique!  Drive on, they may not even read this!

I have previously noted that this Noory character seems to be the center of *your* nexus of suck.  This always seemed odd to me as he shows up as a person of signifigance in world events, or even local events in NO other timelines.  At best I have found evidence in *your* time-line that seems to relate to this phenomenom in other parallel time-paths:

Most of the other time-paths concerning this person he's just a normal "schlub" doing a workaday thing, of no consequence.  Yours is a mysterious and pivotal time-line, perhaps relating to the multi/greater-verse?

I again use terms that may not translate, apologies.  I do note one thing of interest, and I have not yet ascertained its signifigance to the m/g-v.  The post count on the string in *your* timeline called Bell is rapidly approaching the Noory string's post-count.  The Noory string recently in your time caught up to *your* current year, I haven't checked dates, but things definatlt@=+=eemv#cc13r@ting

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #17 on: March 15, 2015, 08:48:24 AM »
its "COLONIAL PATE" not colonel pate...
remember you to are a member of the SCORPION ARMY

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #18 on: April 14, 2015, 05:20:36 AM »
I have found this colonial de-evidence:

I grant it is in *your* timeline, and should therefore give you the needed morale boost...

"Waggleing" in *my* timeline is what a dog does when it finally sees its owner after a long time, it is beyond a simple tail "wagging" and extends to the whole body...


I've found an example of the Nooronic listener-type that happened to upload a video:

That is almost painful to watch...

edit: still painful, but in honor of Roscoe P. Coltrane (as he was known in my timeline...)

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #19 on: May 07, 2015, 12:54:38 AM »


B7K...anly, here.  OVER

All seems to be fine on this end, once again an act of faith that *your* timeline is the correct one.

I have had very much trouble these past few weeks accessing this timeline.  Apparently, in paralell time flows this this site I have managed to isolate for transmission has been hacked, redirected, &or sold to some big communications conglomerate's intartube site.  This current nexus of inter-intarference has very few 'clear' spots, *this/yours* being one of a few.  I have selected this particular one as it seems to me that looking a few weeks out the other parallels closely associated with this one seem to come back from "the dark."

I really need to stop wasting precious capacitor charge-time expliqueing my technical difficile.  I digress, apologies.

Last time I was able to look around in *your* timeline I noticed that there was some sort of impending mediation about to happen between the forces of the robot army and the forces struggling against them...

I will not attempt to give too much advice here, although I do have one question regarding the functionality of this particular intar-tube web site:  This mysterious "top right" of which I see referenced, seems to change from time to time, I have great difficulty in following it as I am sure you can imagine if you are reading this you will be familiar with my situation.  That was not a question, this is:  is there some sort of archive to refer to regarding this phenomenon?  It may help in my ongoing research efforts in assisting *your* timeline.

Thime grows short, or shart again my friends.  I have been able to glean a few nuggets of histironical evidence that is available in *your* timeline that may shed some light on your current situation, I am not sure that it violates the physics of altering other time lines so they may translate or become garbled.  I have included several, I hope at least one gets through:

Remember fellow freedom fighters from *my* possible past, greater things may be afoot hear...

I suggest that some of you shou86...XOHjZ*IJ


Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #20 on: August 12, 2016, 08:22:25 PM »
.?kd/d.ak.break.break.OVER say again.  Colonial Pate Manly here.  I hope you are receiving this. The struggle in *my* timeline continues, I hope this message gets through to *your* timeline in time.  I have only two minutes, as the struggle here has intensified in the past year.  Beware wolves in sheep's clothing.  I have found two short videos that hopefully do not get grabled in the paraleell shift, they should be all the warning you need>;

message repeaaa.taa$brea'-Doha.sver.,.

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #21 on: August 12, 2016, 09:57:49 PM »
.?kd/d.ak.break.break.OVER say again.  Colonial Pate Manly here.  I hope you are receiving this. The struggle in *my* timeline continues, I hope this message gets through to *your* timeline in time.  I have only two minutes, as the struggle here has intensified in the past year.  Beware wolves in sheep's clothing.  I have found two short videos that hopefully do not get grabled in the paraleell shift, they should be all the warning you need>;
message repeaaa.taa$brea'-Doha.sver.,.
Pat4.  You are a Transbrid, are you not? ???

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #22 on: August 12, 2016, 10:34:26 PM »

I found this, does it help? 

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #23 on: November 18, 2016, 01:13:51 AM »


Thelma is on the case, Benjii!

Fit and try'em not withstabbing..

Re: Auto Spank feature not enabled?
« Reply #24 on: December 15, 2016, 06:03:39 PM »
<$.ok&+r@nzzmission follows>

(href=missing |ink)ery short on thyme.

??_ere warned, I msiied this bit in your particulate time-lien, video follows:

x{`,'May still bee revlanet intel, GODSPEED!

<transmission &ndsssssz