If you were a tyrant, what would you ban?

[zeebo]

Eating contests.

Commercials with talking babies/animals.

Politicians who answer a question with "More research is needed."

Previews for tv shows (Coming up next! ...)

The Lifetime Channel.

Any variation of the martini which does not contain gin and/or contains anything sweet.

The "size matters" double entendre.

"Young Country" music.

Frozen pre-made hamburgers.

Superhero movies (except Batman & Spiderman).

Automated customer service menus (Our menu has changed!...)

Olympic ice curling.

Females dancing together in clubs in the defensive "wagon circle" formation.

The phrase "It is what it is".

Cigars, unless you work on Wall Street and simultaneously wear a top hat and a monacle when you smoke them.

LARP (Live Action Role-Playing games).

Any tax code that can't fit on one page.

Sci-fi movies where explosions happen inside the ship, but the hull is never breached.

Squirrel stew.

[jazmunda]

Eating contests.

Commercials with talking babies/animals.

Politicians who answer a question with "More research is needed."

Previews for tv shows (Coming up next! ...)

The Lifetime Channel.

Any variation of the martini which does not contain gin and/or contains anything sweet.

The "size matters" double entendre.

"Young Country" music.

Frozen pre-made hamburgers.

Superhero movies (except Batman & Spiderman).

Automated customer service menus (Our menu has changed!...)

Olympic ice curling.

Females dancing together in clubs in the defensive "wagon circle" formation.

The phrase "It is what it is".

Cigars, unless you work on Wall Street and simultaneously wear a top hat and a monacle when you smoke them.

LARP (Live Action Role-Playing games).

Any tax code that can't fit on one page.

Sci-fi movies where explosions happen inside the ship, but the hull is never breached.

Squirrel stew.

Reported to me.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

Are you kidding?  I'd have the Olympic Ice Curling 24 hour network.

[zeebo]

Are you kidding?  I'd have the Olympic Ice Curling 24 hour network.

As a special concession to you GFP, I might allow it - however I would definitely ban the little broom-sweeper people.

[GeorgieForPresident2216]

As a special concession to you GFP, I might allow it - however I would definitely ban the little broom-sweeper people.

Awesome.  I'll send the sweepers to look after your summer palace, my lord.

[DigitalPigSnuggler]

Internet posts inquiring about my plans.

[Camazotz Automat]

CA

Car salesmen who brag the latest is less than $18,000! - trumpeting "and for only seventeen nine ninety-nine..." - shall be drawn and quartered.

[analog kid]

Daylight saving time, 100% of all blue laws, sin taxes, reality TV, infotainment news networks.

[nooryisawesome]

GEORGE MOTHER FUCKING NOORY

[Yorkshire pud]

The internet. As I wouldn't need it, I don't see any reason why anyone else would.

Noise that offends me.

Wars. As the supreme overlord there wouldn't be need for conflict.

Kardashian as a name or anything related to it.

Anyone who likes anything to do with Kardashians.

This includes Beiber, Miley Cirus and anyone else I decide.

Celebrity as a word or concept will be eradicated.

Anyone starting sentences with 'So', or uses 'like' as punctuation will be banned.

[Foodlion]

The weasel sales tactic of anything ending in 99 or 95. They would have to add a penny or drop to the whole dollar amount.

[Gd5150]

Females dancing together in clubs in the defensive "wagon circle" formation.

haha!!!!

Photos of hot chics together implying they're lesbians or bi used in advertising.

Career politicians and/or anyone who aspired to be president for more than 2 years.

Pop media disguised as news. (This would be the entire news media)

Comedy clubs and the comedy channel. (Neither are a bit funny).

Commercials showing women who wake up at 5am to exercise while their husband is so stupid and lazy he can't figure out the toaster.

Boards of directors would be replaced with a democratic system run by the people who do the work, the corporation's employees.

Lawyers banned from political office. People with real jobs will now run the country.

[Yorkshire pud]

haha!!!!

Photos of hot chics together implying they're lesbians or bi used in advertising.

Career politicians and/or anyone who aspired to be president for more than 2 years.

Pop media disguised as news. (This would be the entire news media)

Comedy clubs and the comedy channel. (Neither are a bit funny).

Commercials showing women who wake up at 5am to exercise while their husband is so stupid and lazy he can't figure out the toaster.

Boards of directors would be replaced with a democratic system run by the people who do the work, the corporation's employees.

Lawyers banned from political office. People with real jobs will now run the country.

That's a co-operative; and if you really want to push the boat out, the workers control of the means of production. 

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

That's a co-operative; and if you really want to push the boat out, the workers control of the means of production.

I thought we were an autonomous collective.


Right of Self Determination - Monty Python Holy Grail : Autonomous Collective

[The General]

Banjos.

[Gd5150]

Banjos.

But how would we enjoy Deliverance? 

[zeebo]

CA

Car salesmen who brag the latest is less than $18,000! - trumpeting "and for only seventeen nine ninety-nine..." - shall be drawn and quartered.

Yes agreed, my gloomy dungeon is too good for them.

[zeebo]

...Kardashian as a name or anything related to it.

Anyone who likes anything to do with Kardashians....

Any Kardashian or Kardashian sympathizers shall be exiled to Antarctica.

[Heather Wade]

Leaf blowers.

Train horns.

Drug laws, but, each hard drug gets it's own remote, secluded camp, populated with it's own users.  No meth-heads in public.

Those gainfully employed get their choice of a bag of greens or a 12 pack of micro-brew of their choice, each day of employment.  Double rations given Fri, Sat, Sun.

Screaming children shall be sent to institutions specializing in teaching them not to scream.  Mandatory.

All apartment buildings shall install triple-paned windows, and a minimum of three-inch thick drywall on each side of each wall.

Smoking bans shall be banned.

[zeebo]

I thought we were an autonomous collective.


Right of Self Determination - Monty Python Holy Grail : Autonomous Collective

One of my all-time favorite scenes anywhere.  I used to have it basically memorized.  You, my friend, shall rank high in my inner circle. 

[zeebo]

...Those gainfully employed get their choice of a bag of greens or a 12 pack of micro-brew of their choice, each day of employment.  Double rations given Fri, Sat, Sun...

I think this might be my first edict.  I want my people happy and content and relaxed, as I will be taxing them massively to fund my many lavish palace projects.

[Heather Wade]

I think this might be my first edict.  I want my people happy and content and relaxed, as I will be taxing them massively to fund my many lavish palace projects.

Of course, those who want to be square, have the option to do so.  No one would be forced in my kingdom.  The option, however, would be readily available, and it would be forbidden to publicly look down upon those who participate in my Employment Satisfaction Program.

[Tarbaby]

0 fat french dressing AND 0fat bleu cheese dressing

[zeebo]

0 fat french dressing AND 0fat bleu cheese dressing

Anything fat-free should by law be referred to as "stuff".

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

One of my all-time favorite scenes anywhere.  I used to have it basically memorized.  You, my friend, shall rank high in my inner circle.

I would be honored, oh great and terrible zeebo, but on two conditions.  I get to mess up some Kardashians and you don't call me "old woman."

[zeebo]

.... it would be forbidden to publicly look down upon those who participate in my Employment Satisfaction Program.

I like your ESP idea and I would go a step farther, enacting mandatory 3-day weekends and Half-day Thursdays followed by weekly meetings in the coffee/keg/green rooms.  Also, naps will be strongly encouraged and included in the "no looking down allowed" policy.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Screaming children shall be sent to institutions specializing in teaching them not to scream.  Mandatory.

I volunteer to organize and oversee those institutions.

Smoking bans shall be banned.

Your Majesty! 

[Bart Ell]

Fat chicks.
Smoking chicks.
Double ban of fat chicks who smoke.

[Robert Ghostwolf's Ghost]

Mine's a long list, but for starters:

Breast implants
The Designated Hitter
Drum machines

[zeebo]

I volunteer to organize and oversee those institutions....

Screaming in any of these places would be cause for immediate quietude training:  libraries, movies, airplanes, or restaurants.  Playgrounds and dentist offices would be exempt.