Author Topic: Saw Art yesterday  (Read 66237 times)

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Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #150 on: January 16, 2014, 09:52:27 PM »
I was in the crawl space under my house checking the pipes for damage after last week’s cold spell, when, wouldn’t you know it, I discovered that Art had made himself a damn nest in the southwest corner.

I didn’t want to drop a few hundred bucks on a pest removal guy, so I figured I’d try to do it myself.  I first tried to lure him out by tempting him with some hot pizza rolls in an aluminum pie plate, but that just seemed to make him snarly.

Then I tied a heavy piece of string to a cigarette and applied some super glue to the filter end.  I approached Art cautiously, waving the cigarette to get his attention.  I then tossed the cigarette his way and he caught it with his mouth.  The glue instantly bonded with his lip, and by tugging on the string, I was able to pull him out from underneath the house.  I tossed him an old Bic lighter before he ran off into the bushes.

I spoke with my neighbor this morning, and she said that last night she had to take a broom and chase away an old guy with a bloody lip that was hunkering down behind the wicker patio set on her back porch.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #151 on: January 16, 2014, 10:47:57 PM »
I was in the crawl space under my house checking the pipes for damage after last week’s cold spell, when, wouldn’t you know it, I discovered that Art had made himself a damn nest in the southwest corner.

I didn’t want to drop a few hundred bucks on a pest removal guy, so I figured I’d try to do it myself.  I first tried to lure him out by tempting him with some hot pizza rolls in an aluminum pie plate, but that just seemed to make him snarly.

Then I tied a heavy piece of string to a cigarette and applied some super glue to the filter end.  I approached Art cautiously, waving the cigarette to get his attention.  I then tossed the cigarette his way and he caught it with his mouth.  The glue instantly bonded with his lip, and by tugging on the string, I was able to pull him out from underneath the house.  I tossed him an old Bic lighter before he ran off into the bushes.

I spoke with my neighbor this morning, and she said that last night she had to take a broom and chase away an old guy with a bloody lip that was hunkering down behind the wicker patio set on her back porch.

You probably wouldn't believe how fast a service person can crawl through a crawlspace under house after discovering a Skunk dug a hole under a floor furnace I was asked to fix. My flashlight reflected 2 eyes and a striped body. Escaped w/o getting sprayed or stinking up house, and just told Boss I wouldn't go back until beast removed and opening fitted w/screen door as designed. They called back in ~ week and I gave them heat w/full warranty and no objection presenting the bill.

BTW, your fixture faucets shouldn't be leaking, so it would have been easier to measure pressure drop in pipes of closed system to determine condition of pipes.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #152 on: January 16, 2014, 10:58:22 PM »
This thread is ridiculous. I bet half of these things didn't even happen.


Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #153 on: January 16, 2014, 11:41:29 PM »
I have Art Bell trapped in my spare bedroom. I'm using four modified bug zappers to keep him psychically stuck in there. Is there a medium here who can contact me?


Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #154 on: January 16, 2014, 11:52:50 PM »
One time I was on a plane flight over Paris. It was night time and I was looking out through the window at all of the city lights. Suddenly, just outside the window I noticed, of all things, a man, flying alongside the plane. He was wearing crisp night clothes. I rubbed my eyes, looked again and noticed that it was ART BELL. Suddenly he snapped back towards earth. I wondered if he was having an OBE.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #155 on: January 16, 2014, 11:59:09 PM »
This thread is ridiculous. I bet half of these things didn't even happen.

That was just a profession that paid for College when I was much younger. Analog and digital electronics becomes much more complex, but still the overwhelming majority of failures are mechanical in nature except program code not tested by me from what I've experienced. Perhaps it took the daily decade of >30K customers I presented a bill to in plumbing, heating, and air to evolve to point of giving pro stock drag racers what they wanted to win requiring specific designs to do it electrically. I only designed the interfaces of the analog transducers being introduced into the digital realm though. I can't even begin to imagine how many reams of paper it would take to print out the machine code contained in the 1 of sometimes > 50 computers operating in a modern car. Usually it took a few revisions of the code as originally conceived and took less time to have it corrected and new processor burned than the 1/2 hour it took me to throw the most extreme operating condition I could think of at it.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #156 on: January 17, 2014, 12:16:34 AM »
One time I was on a plane flight over Paris. It was night time and I was looking out through the window at all of the city lights. Suddenly, just outside the window I noticed, of all things, a man, flying alongside the plane. He was wearing crisp night clothes. I rubbed my eyes, looked again and noticed that it was ART BELL. Suddenly he snapped back towards earth. I wondered if he was having an OBE.

That reminds of the time I was abducted by a triangular UFO and I looked out the window and saw Art and Ramona standing outside their Geo Metro looking up dumbfoundedly.

It also reminds me of the time I crashed into a parked car and Art Bell of all people comes running out and starts yelling at me raving about knowing that this was going to happen to him.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #157 on: January 17, 2014, 12:52:21 AM »
One time I was on a plane flight over Paris. It was night time and I was looking out through the window at all of the city lights. Suddenly, just outside the window I noticed, of all things, a man, flying alongside the plane. He was wearing crisp night clothes. I rubbed my eyes, looked again and noticed that it was ART BELL. Suddenly he snapped back towards earth. I wondered if he was having an OBE.

If you did that on the Concorde, did SPL increase and pitch decrease when approaching the landing?

A 747 was memorable w/whole row of seats to sleep on & stewardess giving me pillow and blanket. Quite a sunrise when Captain announced we were flying over the White Cliffs of Dover just outside my window below w/breakfast being served. I never heard of Eric Johnson in 71. Very enjoyable after sleeping like a log after drink purchased and anything allowed to be smoked in bathroom as kid. Don't recall tonal change during landing except possibly the full thrust jet engine reversal to stop on tarmac. Can't imagine how much structural engineering went into those wings all defined by numbers.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #158 on: January 17, 2014, 02:33:06 PM »
Saw Art out my hotel room window in Vegas.  He was parking cars.


Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #159 on: January 17, 2014, 03:39:33 PM »
That reminds of the time I was abducted by a triangular UFO and I looked out the window and saw Art and Ramona standing outside their Geo Metro looking up dumbfoundedly.

It also reminds me of the time I crashed into a parked car and Art Bell of all people comes running out and starts yelling at me raving about knowing that this was going to happen to him.

I love those two vintage Art stories.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #160 on: January 17, 2014, 03:40:24 PM »
I wonder if Art is reading these.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #161 on: January 17, 2014, 05:58:43 PM »
I wonder if Art is reading these.

He is. We are sitting on the back porch and talking about wives and raising youngsters.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #162 on: January 17, 2014, 06:02:59 PM »
The Onan pokes his head from the porch. The Aldous, drunk.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #163 on: January 17, 2014, 08:45:34 PM »
I saw some art yesterday, not THE Art.  Probably won't see THAT Art for a while if ever again.  He's drifted with his desert, and the sunset looks too good for his remaining fatherly future to waste on us vaguely lovable, vicious critics. 


PS - without new content, the old stuff revelations stuff isn't possible.  Art's form needed new blood and new stories, the one he got from the "kid" was terrible, with the kid not knowing how to be interviewed, but the story was great and "fresh" compared to RCH multiple times in 6 weeks...his story is too old. 

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #164 on: January 17, 2014, 08:56:42 PM »
The Onan pokes his head from the porch. The Aldous, drunk.

art said when he leaves
onans place later, hes heading your way, after he stops in vegas and picks up willie. we would like a report on willies weed.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #165 on: January 17, 2014, 09:00:19 PM »
I had a huge Art Bell drop on the back of my neck and bite me last night.  It took three paramedics and two firefighters just to get him off.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #166 on: January 18, 2014, 01:48:59 PM »
I remember, this one time, at band camp, Art Bell was polishing the brass section, late at night.  I went to the fridge and took an apple.  I ate it while I watched Art put my flute in some kool aid looking solution.
Art looked up to me with eyes that were a solid obsidian.  "Boy are you gonna take a ride!"  I don't remember anything after that.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #167 on: January 18, 2014, 03:36:15 PM »
Art Bell ate the Princeton eggs for breakfast yesterday.

That's how he rolls. He's badass.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #168 on: January 18, 2014, 05:28:46 PM »
Not since Mel's hole has there been more truthiness about anyone or anything

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #169 on: January 19, 2014, 11:14:13 AM »
Alice tiptoed through the tulips along the yellow brick road in Wonderland long before Mel's amazing 100% efficient digestive hole. It was Little Red Riding Hood that gave me nightmares.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #170 on: January 20, 2014, 06:15:12 PM »
One time I was on a plane flight over Paris. It was night time and I was looking out through the window at all of the city lights. Suddenly, just outside the window I noticed, of all things, a man, flying alongside the plane. He was wearing crisp night clothes. I rubbed my eyes, looked again and noticed that it was ART BELL. Suddenly he snapped back towards earth. I wondered if he was having an OBE.

Wow!  Just yesterday I was on a plane flying home from a trip when I too saw Art!
...We must have been at about 20,000 ft. when I looked out the window and there was ART BELL, tampering with the wing!  I desperately tried to notify others on the plane, but Art would simply disappear when they looked out.  I could see that the others on the plane thought I was some kind of nutcase.  It was like a nightmare!!  Fortunately, I had my smartphone with me and was able to snap this photo!!!

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #171 on: January 21, 2014, 04:37:22 PM »
Wow!  Just yesterday I was on a plane flying home from a trip when I too saw Art!
...We must have been at about 20,000 ft. when I looked out the window and there was ART BELL, tampering with the wing!  I desperately tried to notify others on the plane, but Art would simply disappear when they looked out.  I could see that the others on the plane thought I was some kind of nutcase.  It was like a nightmare!!  Fortunately, I had my smartphone with me and was able to snap this photo!!!

Hahahahaha....I want to frame this and keep it on my desk.

STILL laughing...!   ;D

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #172 on: January 22, 2014, 12:16:44 AM »
I remember, this one time, at band camp, Art Bell was polishing the brass section, late at night.  I went to the fridge and took an apple.  I ate it while I watched Art put my flute in some kool aid looking solution.
Art looked up to me with eyes that were a solid obsidian.  "Boy are you gonna take a ride!"  I don't remember anything after that.

 :D Excellent

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #173 on: January 23, 2014, 12:40:49 AM »
I actually do remember hearing a story about an Art Bell encounter. It was some kind of pre-show leading up to his 2000 or 2001 comeback from retirement. I'm in Tempe, Arizona, and I'm not sure whether this was broadcast across the US or just the PHX affiliate. They were taking calls from Art Bell fans to relay their favorite Art stories. One guy called in and said he was traveling through Pahrump with his son when he happened upon Art's compound. He claimed he went up to the door and knocked like an idiot, because he expected Art to give him and his son a tour of the property. He said Art opened the door a crack and said, "I've got a double-barrel shotgun pointed right at you behind this door and you need to vacate the premises immediately", or something to that effect.

I have no idea if that's actually true, but it was broadcast on 550 KFYI.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #174 on: January 23, 2014, 10:52:56 PM »
I actually do remember hearing a story about an Art Bell encounter. It was some kind of pre-show leading up to his 2000 or 2001 comeback from retirement. I'm in Tempe, Arizona, and I'm not sure whether this was broadcast across the US or just the PHX affiliate. They were taking calls from Art Bell fans to relay their favorite Art stories. One guy called in and said he was traveling through Pahrump with his son when he happened upon Art's compound. He claimed he went up to the door and knocked like an idiot, because he expected Art to give him and his son a tour of the property. He said Art opened the door a crack and said, "I've got a double-barrel shotgun pointed right at you behind this door and you need to vacate the premises immediately", or something to that effect.

I have no idea if that's actually true, but it was broadcast on 550 KFYI.

Art, king of the bluffs.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #175 on: January 27, 2014, 10:13:50 PM »
I have never seen Art Bell.
However, my nephew swears he was once getting a haircut in Oshkosh Wisconsin, and who was in the next chair? The Master, himself.
I thought he was FOS obviously.
But when he went on to say Art gathered up every last clipping, put it in an battered, taupe-colored satchel and ran out the door singing "Waterloo!" at the top of his lungs, I knew it had to have happened just like he said.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #176 on: January 27, 2014, 10:17:44 PM »
I have talked to art bell and he told me that he stoped farting after six weeks.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #177 on: January 28, 2014, 01:37:54 AM »
Art Bell is actually an old Vietnamese man hiding in the skin of a dead American soldier.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #178 on: January 29, 2014, 09:23:27 PM »
Art knocked on my door yesterday - he was buying Fuller brushes, Encyclopedia Britannica sets, and Kirby vacuum cleaners.

Re: Saw Art yesterday
« Reply #179 on: January 29, 2014, 10:17:22 PM »
Saw Art Bell yesterday. He said we should all have some respect and stop with these stories. I asked him "But why? It's all in good fun..."

He immediately turned red with anger, and replied "Why should you respect me?! Because for one thing, I'm old enough to be your father!!"

Not knowing what to say, I awkwardly repeated his words: "You could be my father?"

"YEAH," he said, "I USED TO FUCK BUFFALOS!"

Then he kicked me in the shin and slapped my ice cream cone out of my hands. It was pistachio.