Indeed!
All Hail "SAGE" MV !

YEAAAAAAAAAAAH Buddy ! ! !

Okay - Here's some real Art Bell transcript - Took me a bit, did it by hand - - software misses the nuances... .
Art, When he was king of the airwaves...
(It's short enough that I can post it.)
C2C_1-29-2002
Art reads ebay "I Will Kick Your Ass" - Transcription:
From Sept 2001 - EBay Item # 1641798199:
Art: * Reading ad...
" Winning bid receives an ass-kicking from me personally.
I'm 6', and weigh over 230 Lbs.
If you win this - Ahh - auction, I will personally come to your house and kick your ass.
I guarantee I will not break any bones or kill you, nor will I use any weapons on you, but I will give you a good beating.
And I will do this under two conditions -
1. You, or anyone else does not press charges against me-hee-hee-hee. After all, you bought the ass-kicking.
2. You do not fight back, or physically attempt to harm meEE, in any other manner. This is your ass getting kicked, not mine.
(Further # demarcations applied for syntactic legibility )

3. Buyer provides, round trip plane ticket, to the nearest airport, as well as cab fare, to your house and back. Now if you're not close to the airport, you may provide me with a train ticket or other means of transportation.
Do not pick me up, as I will be attacking you, completely randomly.
Buyer must also provide good, clear directions to their house, as well as any business expenses, (if I need to stay in a hotel, or buy any food for myself during the trip, most likely, I'll just fly in, kick your ass and then leave.)
Hah, hah, Ha...
4. Upon arrival, I will select a random time to come over and kick your ass. It may be when you are sleeping or showering, or any other time during the day or night, when you are most vulnerable.
During this meeting, I may damage one or more of your household items, * Ha ha ha ha ha ha... .
If I have to break glass to get into your...
* Wait a minute - page 2, (gibberish)
... Yeah, home, or, knock over furniture, as you attempt to... to run from me, [which would / this should] be expected by you, and covered by MY expenses.
5. If you are married, or have children, I may choose to slap around your family a little, but only if I'm feeling particularly generous.
Beh - Beh - warned of this, (Art's trying to hold back laughter, but failing miserably,) and expect it as well.
Whoa - SHIT !
The site that was hosting these (Tape recorded) broadcasts, is now giving me a 404.

Mc-Fuckit.
40 MB MP3 can't be uploaded here. (Not to mention the legal implications.) This really sucks.

Well, I hope someone gets a kick out of the transcript. Enjoy - (I listened to this live - - - good times)
AHHhhh...
Bidding starts at 1 cent, but remember the winner must pay all expenses for my travel if they wish for me to come and kick their ass.
I will accept, check, or money order, or you could just let me use your valid credit card for a few day-ay-ays.

Heh, heh, weh'll call it even, hah, hah, hah, hah - hee, hee, hee, hee !
So-o-o, Thi-i-i-s is a ah, this is a real ad.
Ah, it alleges, I mean it's got all the normal stuff up here, on EBay. So it was probably up there in September ni-ine - I know when EBay finds this kind of thing, as well as, there were people up there, selling their souls you know on EBay,... and EBay also clamped down on that one as well as they should have.
But, you know what really bothers me about this this Ahhh, this offer ?
Ahh, It's that I betcha there are people out there... who took him up on it.
God knows where the bidding went, or maybe EBay got this stopped, before the bidding could really get underway.
But trust me, it's a strange world we live in-hey it snowed here in Parhump here today, strange world we live in.(Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams -playing in the background) That's right, here in the desert, near Death Valley, it snowed.
Strange - Strange people out there. "
End Transcript. (Verbatim)
