Author Topic: My Descent Into Psychosis  (Read 2842 times)

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My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #90 on: August 17, 2019, 12:15:06 PM »
You have a brilliant mind that seems to function well at times.

By contrast you have a closed loop repetitive mind that simply recycles and regurgitates the same dreck day in and year out.

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #91 on: August 17, 2019, 12:20:58 PM »
By contrast you have a closed loop repetitive mind that simply recycles and regurgitates the same dreck day in and year out.

Sure thing Metron2267. Bwhahahaha!

Did you ever make it past 200+ posts per day here? Please break your previous record -NOT. As someone might say: Faggot or Gay. Cause you just couldn't resist to pull-out your whale dick to bait him:

He had him at whale penis...



We know:

oh, metron. *sigh*

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #92 on: August 17, 2019, 01:08:06 PM »
As someone might say: Faggot or Gay. Cause you just couldn't resist to pull-out your whale dick to bait him:
We know:

Do ya?

Funny old thing is - you never get fromaged when MD or Paladin or DPS go all Gaydar, now do you?

Selective targeting like that only confirms your:





VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #93 on: August 18, 2019, 01:58:16 PM »


Guess "you" Metron2267/26 Horses had a free get out of jail card as Karo.

Azraa, you do some really funny cartoons. Real talent. Do you do artwork too?

Maybe that's something that can help, if/when you're sometimes dipping back down into darkness. Nothing like making some awesome cartoons like this one.

Any samples of artwork too?


My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #94 on: August 19, 2019, 05:55:50 AM »
Azraa, you do some really funny cartoons. Real talent.

Thanks.

Do you do artwork too?

Yes.

Maybe that's something that can help, if/when you're sometimes dipping back down into darkness. Nothing like making some awesome cartoons like this one.

I used to be extraordinarily prolific. Drawing used to feel like it helped, a lot. Then, somewhere along the line, my relationship with it as a practice changed. The past few years, the darkness just gets me down, and I can barely do anything. I feel defeated, and it makes me sad. I'd love to do more cartoons, but I've lacked the motivation and can't seem to muster much willpower anymore to do anything.

Any samples of artwork too?

I'll get some together. The fact you've been so encouraging is sweet, and I appreciate it. Sorry I'm so testy at times.

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #95 on: August 20, 2019, 01:32:27 PM »
Paranoia III

The Whirlpool of Transparent Masks

[...]

Something inside me ushered a few thoughts into a particular direction that being the masks. I shook my head in disbelief and sprang to my feet, looking everywhere for one of those peculiar faces that circled me before. How odd this whole situation had turned out, I whispered to myself. I needed something to chew on, and sure as can be, a plan unfolded explicitly in my mind. All I was to do was follow it!

Is there a Part IV coming soon?

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #96 on: August 20, 2019, 01:40:04 PM »
I used to be extraordinarily prolific. Drawing used to feel like it helped, a lot. Then, somewhere along the line, my relationship with it as a practice changed. The past few years, the darkness just gets me down, and I can barely do anything. I feel defeated, and it makes me sad. I'd love to do more cartoons, but I've lacked the motivation and can't seem to muster much willpower anymore to do anything.

I'll get some together. The fact you've been so encouraging is sweet, and I appreciate it. Sorry I'm so testy at times.

BellGab should be a very entertaining and amusing motivational outlet for your cartoons. This is hilarious:



Bwahahahaha!

Yeah, post your artwork too. Please.

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #97 on: August 20, 2019, 01:51:52 PM »
If you really cut yourself, then people shouldn't be showing you the knife ignorantly.

You have a brilliant mind that seems to function well at times.

Mutilation is the most sincere form of flattery.

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #98 on: August 20, 2019, 02:07:32 PM »
Mutilation is the most sincere form of flattery.

Consign these tendencies to your funny writing antics around BG, mutilate their deserving ends, and twist your sharp edginess into your deepest cuts by and by the flattery of your imagery and your other magic arts.

It's your bloody artwork. Nice avatar. Love your cartoons. :)

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #99 on: August 21, 2019, 11:14:52 AM »
Nice avatar. Love your cartoons.

That's very nice of you to say. From the bottom of my heart, I thank you for the kind words.

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #100 on: August 21, 2019, 11:39:39 AM »
Paranoia IV

I should've discontinued, I should have stopped myself. But I didn't. Whoever knows me knows I never can.

Reaching out for help when you're knee deep in life-wrecking, the position is dire. I couldn't sit straight. I couldn't move. I couldn't look at her ... least of all in the God damn mirror.

I held the pen knife my grandfather had given me, between that flesh and mine, and ripped, began tearing them apart. They were siamese no more, ex-circus freaks and blood. Earlier that day doctor hadn't even been in town and I'd delivered a newborn piglet. But, I thought something was a little off when I looked down in the pond and the Koi were gone.

I ran out into the street. Motherfuckers were sending smoke signals, somewhere, or trying to at least. But I couldn't see them, and they were in another country and had hidden my rocks and trees.

Losing ones nerve never a good look I played it cool. No one had less than me, I strolled streets proud and looking calm.

When the blood started to gush out of the tenth story windows I began to panic, or rather to look unsettled- that I couldn't help. My friends all worked continuously, night and day... shifts did not exist. I never saw them and began to wonder if I still had the right to call 'em friends.

Then the finger came out the sky, and the little surrounding me glanced and ran around in panic, trampling some I shrugged.

These days seemed more one long night, and never before an evening I had participated in. I sat on park benches and a faceless mass approached.

Wherever these faces went I felt drawn to and giggled uncontrollably ... not aware of the control they had over me. I mirrored the lack of face and off I peeled mine.

They all brought logs and pins and razors and we stacked them in a pile. An hour prior I'd drifted off to sleep to the awful scent of my fathers alcoholic breath.

I realised none of me were going anywhere, and gave up.

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #101 on: August 21, 2019, 12:23:52 PM »
I'll get some together. The fact you've been so encouraging is sweet, and I appreciate it. Sorry I'm so testy at times.

good to see you around.  i still appreciate all of that gabcast artwork you created.

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #102 on: August 22, 2019, 12:42:30 PM »
I'm emigrating. My inclination is to the United States, but I don't know if I 'll be able to take the racial strife. I often think to myself: where in the world can I go for a humble but decent life without the violence and anti-white sentiment from blacks or Muslim extremists?

Is that why you moved to Indonesia?


VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #103 on: August 23, 2019, 06:10:23 AM »
  Why the 'brown girl' subterfuge?  Just ask if he's queer (British). 

You (Azz) have posted often referring to yourself as a male identity (heterosexual), even having GF's and seemingly intimate relationships with females, but, then again, you also post often as if you are speaking in a female persona from a female perspective and are writing here as if you're a female attracted to males too. Is this just part of some "role play" or mental game you're playing here, or are you somehow a "blended gender" identifying as both male and/or female as you so determine is "as needed" when posting here?

You went personal after K_Dubb and called him Gay, but you really do like/love him, so this whole situation with your psychosis has gotten the better of me with my curiosity to understand what is really going on "in here" with your mind and gender identities. This place is insane to begin with, but maybe you'll give a sane and honest response if possible.

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #104 on: August 24, 2019, 12:43:47 AM »
Is that why you moved to Indonesia?

No.

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #105 on: August 24, 2019, 12:56:12 AM »
You (Azz) have posted often referring to yourself as a male identity (heterosexual), even having GF's and seemingly intimate relationships with females, but, then again, you also post often as if you are speaking in a female persona from a female perspective and are writing here as if you're a female attracted to males too.

Is this just part of some "role play" or mental game you're playing here, or are you somehow a "blended gender" identifying as both male and/or female as you so determine is "as needed" when posting here?

My boyfriend and I share this account.

You went personal after K_Dubb and called him Gay, but you really do like/love him, so this whole situation with your psychosis has gotten the better of me with my curiosity to understand what is really going on "in here" with your mind and gender identities. This place is insane to begin with, but maybe you'll give a sane and honest response if possible.

I'm fond of K. Dubb, and don't remember calling him gay!

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #106 on: August 24, 2019, 06:01:02 AM »
My boyfriend and I share this account.

LOL. Since when?

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #107 on: August 24, 2019, 07:52:12 AM »

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #108 on: August 24, 2019, 03:31:42 PM »
Is this part of your psychosis?

The Doors of Perception are Opening. Decode this BellGabers:

There was/is a Tootsie Wootsy that trolled both boards pretending to be dying of cancer that was nothing but an act of lying to troll and play on people's sympathies. Maybe you're the same person, or, more likely, you got that same idea to copy TW and use schizophrenia as your sympathy play instead of cancer?

Its hilarious that she thinks shes getting to us. Adorable even! ;D



get sober, my friend  :-*

Sober me up  :P


how can i do that?

Up to you...

we;ll think of something, honey  :-*

SHE IS YOUR CANCER
you know the one you told us that you have (in your brain) to trigger us and to gain our sympathy.
So now stop whining and start dying slowly from it with some reasonable measure of dignity.


Oh my beautiful liar

Oh my precious whore

My disease my infection

I am so impure

Guess the crackpot is gonna talk to herself on both her accounts now.

I tire of this.

Bellgab is a skid mark of its former self Im afraid these days.



And you are an artist.


 8) :)

I did in fact grow up in South Africa ...

Quote
Do you do artwork too?

Yes.

I used to be extraordinarily prolific. Drawing used to feel like it helped, a lot.

VC

My Descent Into Psychosis
« Reply #109 on: December 02, 2019, 02:42:04 PM »
For those that believe in Whitley Strieber... A True Story:

Azzarae continues his psychosis by delving into Whitley Strieber's life to find some meaning and purpose for his life and/or his social media. His mental illness has produced an ET through his window.

Save yourself years of recovery from Whitley's programming by reading about what happened to this guy, Jasun:

Prisoner of Infinity: UFOs, Social Engineering, and the Psychology of Fragmentation Paperback April 30, 2018



Jasun Horsley has an awesome website that has a vast collection of Blog posts and Podcasts that cover Social Engineering that can relate back to The Paranormal. He had an obsession with Strieber's ideas and other "followings" for more than a decade before he realized how "controlled" he was by such interests.

Here is Jasun's website with intro about his Strieber book:

https://auticulture.com/prisoner-of-infinity/

If you're going to be obsessed about such topics, then I think Jasun can help you from becoming entrapped in such beliefs and becoming more mentally ill as Azzarae is about such matters.

His podcasts are here:

https://auticulture.com/liminalist/

If you prefer the written word, then here is his blog:

https://auticulture.com/blog/