Author Topic: Post Mortem Art Sightings  (Read 186 times)

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Post Mortem Art Sightings
« on: July 02, 2018, 02:21:59 PM »
Stopped at my favorite drive in dive, Dicks, in Spokane.   Was  gonna score me a couple or four whammy's, a chocolate shake and a coffee.  I was waiting in line behind 3 homeless dudes when I thought I heard....  Nah.  I went back to bellgabbin  on my phone. 
I shuffled up as the homeless tried to score free coffee if they bought a whammy to share.  They were rebuffed and sent on their way.  I shuffled up to the window and was about to order when I heard, "If you turn down your device you could place your order now, good Sir."

I looked up.  He looked back with a bit of a smile.  "Fuck me to tears.  ART!"   ART blinked, "You're not exactly what I would be looking for, my friend. Too uh, mature.  And eeeeh," He motioned to the extensive menu, "It's not exactly on the menu either."   
"What?"
"No, Whammy.  No whats, just whammys"
"What?"
"Perhaps your phone is interfering...."
"ART!  I thought you was dead?"
"I get that a lot."  Suddenly, as if from a drawer somewhere across the ether, ART conjures up a smoke.  "Did you want to order?"

"Uh, yeah."  I put my phone down.  He looked at the screen.  "Bellgab?" said ART.  Sheepishly, I responded, "Yeah, I consider it a mental exercise in humor." 
"Mental exercise?  More like Mental Masturbation."
"Haha.  That's a good one, ART."
"Alright, Since we are West of the Rockies, what's a gonna be?" 
"West of the Rockies, I get it."
"Son, this is not the First Time Callers line, this is the Dicks Burgers line.  Think you might want to place that order?"
"Yeah, First Time Callers, I get it it. That's …. funny ….too, ART"
"There are literally fleets of truckers on the highway right now, some of them, probably, making their way to this very spot this very instant."
'Fucker's toying with me.' I thought

I looked at ART.  He looked back at me.  I blinked. He cocked his head to the right. "Weeeeell?"  Suddenly, ART wasn't as funny.  Or as cool.  "Alright, I'll take four Whammys, a Chocolate shake and a cup of coffee.  To go.  And, oh yeah, did you think it was funny taking advantage of (Redacted) and leaving her in the lurch to carry on your legacy?" I threw a 20 on the counter.

ART snatched up the 20, pushed my burgers and drinks towards me.  "Oh, I get it, paladin, yeah, that's right, I know who you are.  I'm dead and you've got a case of the ass.  That about right?"

I grabbed my food, drinks and phone.  A little pissed, I walked back to my car as I heard him say, "Enjoy your bag of Dicks.....burgers."

As I drove I way I burst out, "Mother  Fucker!"  ART had kept my change.       

Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #1 on: July 02, 2018, 02:35:36 PM »
Stopped at my favorite drive in dive, Dicks, in Spokane.   Was  gonna score me a couple or four whammy's, a chocolate shake and a coffee.  I was waiting in line behind 3 homeless dudes when I thought I heard....  Nah.  I went back to bellgabbin  on my phone. 
I shuffled up as the homeless tried to score free coffee if they bought a whammy to share.  They were rebuffed and sent on their way.  I shuffled up to the window and was about to order when I heard, "If you turn down your device you could place your order now, good Sir."

I looked up.  He looked back with a bit of a smile.  "Fuck me to tears.  ART!"   ART blinked, "You're not exactly what I would be looking for, my friend. Too uh, mature.  And eeeeh," He motioned to the extensive menu, "It's not exactly on the menu either."   
"What?"
"No, Whammy.  No whats, just whammys"
"What?"
"Perhaps your phone is interfering...."
"ART!  I thought you was dead?"
"I get that a lot."  Suddenly, as if from a drawer somewhere across the ether, ART conjures up a smoke.  "Did you want to order?"

"Uh, yeah."  I put my phone down.  He looked at the screen.  "Bellgab?" said ART.  Sheepishly, I responded, "Yeah, I consider it a mental exercise in humor." 
"Mental exercise?  More like Mental Masturbation."
"Haha.  That's a good one, ART."
"Alright, Since we are West of the Rockies, what's a gonna be?" 
"West of the Rockies, I get it."
"Son, this is not the First Time Callers line, this is the Dicks Burgers line.  Think you might want to place that order?"
"Yeah, First Time Callers, I get it it. That's …. funny ….too, ART"
"There are literally fleets of truckers on the highway right now, some of them, probably, making their way to this very spot this very instant."
'Fucker's toying with me.' I thought

I looked at ART.  He looked back at me.  I blinked. He cocked his head to the right. "Weeeeell?"  Suddenly, ART wasn't as funny.  Or as cool.  "Alright, I'll take four Whammys, a Chocolate shake and a cup of coffee.  To go.  And, oh yeah, did you think it was funny taking advantage of (Redacted) and leaving her in the lurch to carry on your legacy?" I threw a 20 on the counter.

ART snatched up the 20, pushed my burgers and drinks towards me.  "Oh, I get it, paladin, yeah, that's right, I know who you are.  I'm dead and you've got a case of the ass.  That about right?"

I grabbed my food, drinks and phone.  A little pissed, I walked back to my car as I heard him say, "Enjoy your bag of Dicks.....burgers."

As I drove I way I burst out, "Mother  Fucker!"  ART had kept my change.     

TL; DR

Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #2 on: July 02, 2018, 06:14:34 PM »


Stopped at my favorite drive in dive, Dicks, in Spokane.   Was  gonna score me a couple or four whammy's, a chocolate shake and a coffee.  I was waiting in line behind 3 homeless dudes when I thought I heard....  Nah.  I went back to bellgabbin  on my phone. 
I shuffled up as the homeless tried to score free coffee if they bought a whammy to share.  They were rebuffed and sent on their way.  I shuffled up to the window and was about to order when I heard, "If you turn down your device you could place your order now, good Sir."

I looked up.  He looked back with a bit of a smile.  "Fuck me to tears.  ART!"   ART blinked, "You're not exactly what I would be looking for, my friend. Too uh, mature.  And eeeeh," He motioned to the extensive menu, "It's not exactly on the menu either."   
"What?"
"No, Whammy.  No whats, just whammys"
"What?"
"Perhaps your phone is interfering...."
"ART!  I thought you was dead?"
"I get that a lot."  Suddenly, as if from a drawer somewhere across the ether, ART conjures up a smoke.  "Did you want to order?"

"Uh, yeah."  I put my phone down.  He looked at the screen.  "Bellgab?" said ART.  Sheepishly, I responded, "Yeah, I consider it a mental exercise in humor." 
"Mental exercise?  More like Mental Masturbation."
"Haha.  That's a good one, ART."
"Alright, Since we are West of the Rockies, what's a gonna be?" 
"West of the Rockies, I get it."
"Son, this is not the First Time Callers line, this is the Dicks Burgers line.  Think you might want to place that order?"
"Yeah, First Time Callers, I get it it. That's …. funny ….too, ART"
"There are literally fleets of truckers on the highway right now, some of them, probably, making their way to this very spot this very instant."
'Fucker's toying with me.' I thought

I looked at ART.  He looked back at me.  I blinked. He cocked his head to the right. "Weeeeell?"  Suddenly, ART wasn't as funny.  Or as cool.  "Alright, I'll take four Whammys, a Chocolate shake and a cup of coffee.  To go.  And, oh yeah, did you think it was funny taking advantage of (Redacted) and leaving her in the lurch to carry on your legacy?" I threw a 20 on the counter.

ART snatched up the 20, pushed my burgers and drinks towards me.  "Oh, I get it, paladin, yeah, that's right, I know who you are.  I'm dead and you've got a case of the ass.  That about right?"

I grabbed my food, drinks and phone.  A little pissed, I walked back to my car as I heard him say, "Enjoy your bag of Dicks.....burgers."

As I drove I way I burst out, "Mother  Fucker!"  ART had kept my change.     


Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #3 on: July 03, 2018, 02:18:20 AM »


Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #4 on: July 03, 2018, 06:58:41 AM »
Same shit happened to me, except he said "No one will ever believe you." :o

Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #5 on: July 04, 2018, 07:50:40 AM »
You've seen him too?
Last week, but I wasn't sure.  I thought maybe he owned the joint, but from your post I bet he was dressed for a job interview there.

Unit 14

Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #6 on: July 04, 2018, 09:58:20 AM »
Don't you have apologies to make for your ultraviolence heroine Aunty Maxine? :(

Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #7 on: July 04, 2018, 04:06:41 PM »
He's back to shitting up the Recent Posts feed, ya know. He's used the same puppet for years.


Welcome back, Kotter

Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #8 on: July 04, 2018, 04:12:25 PM »
He's back to shitting up the Recent Posts feed, ya know. He's used the same puppet for years.


Welcome back, Kotter

Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #9 on: July 04, 2018, 04:13:40 PM »
Someone has way too much fucking free time. I'm just sayin'.

Re: Post Mortem Art Sightings
« Reply #10 on: July 04, 2018, 04:23:13 PM »
Someone has way too much fucking free time. I'm just sayin'.
You’re so sexy when you talk like that.