Author Alex Jones (Read 207468 times)

Walks_At_Night · « **Reply #1260 on:** January 06, 2018, 12:48:39 PM »

Quote from: Swishypants on January 06, 2018, 12:44:58 PM

He reminds me of a kid I knew. Ritchie. Ritchie was part of the Kenny Shoe Store clan. He was a lumpy Scottish oaf. Very bright, but obnoxious as fuck. He used to sell porn out of a Freddie Kruger folder in the bathroom at lunch time in Jr. High. He got busted and parlayed his "porn money" into loan sharking for lunch money. Later he filmed his one an only girlfriend naked with a PX-2000 video recorder. He ate horrible food, loved Star Trek and Rush Limbaugh; but saw no paradox between being fascinated by the two disparate ideologies. He fucked a life-sized Gumby doll without shame, and smelled like sweat and Old Spice.

He was the kind of guy that when you were over at his house, he would ask you if you wanted Pizza, and then bring you a microwaved English Muffin with Ragu and a Kraft single melted over the top. He genuinely considered it Pizza.

How did he dispose of the doll? Asking for a friend...............

GravitySucks · « **Reply #1261 on:** January 06, 2018, 12:49:46 PM »

Quote from: Walks_At_Night on January 06, 2018, 12:48:39 PM

How did he dispose of the doll? Asking for a friend...............

You owe me a keyboard

Dr. MD MD · « **Reply #1262 on:** January 06, 2018, 12:49:59 PM »

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on January 06, 2018, 12:40:04 PM

Really? Did he tell you? I've been calling him Barbie. No wonder he didn't like it.

He's a delusional meth addict. Surely you know this by now.

Yorkshire pud · « **Reply #1263 on:** January 06, 2018, 12:52:33 PM »

Quote from: Swishypants on January 06, 2018, 12:44:58 PM

He reminds me of a kid I knew. Ritchie. Ritchie was part of the Kenny Shoe Store clan. He was a lumpy Scottish oaf. Very bright, but obnoxious as fuck. He used to sell porn out of a Freddie Kruger folder in the bathroom at lunch time in Jr. High. He got busted and parlayed his "porn money" into loan sharking for lunch money. Later he filmed his one an only girlfriend naked with a PX-2000 video recorder. He ate horrible food, loved Star Trek and Rush Limbaugh; but saw no paradox between being fascinated by the two disparate ideologies. He fucked a life-sized Gumby doll without shame, and smelled like sweat and Old Spice.

He was the kind of guy that when you were over at his house, he would ask you if you wanted Pizza, and then bring you a microwaved English Muffin with Ragu and a Kraft single melted over the top. He genuinely considered it Pizza.

They deep fry Mars bars, so the pizza ID makes sense.

Walks_At_Night · « **Reply #1264 on:** January 06, 2018, 12:53:51 PM »

Quote from: GravitySucks on January 06, 2018, 12:49:46 PM

You owe me a keyboard

Sorry man. Swish walked right into it.

Yorkshire pud · « **Reply #1265 on:** January 06, 2018, 12:59:14 PM »

Swishy in a Salto. Imagine....

https://youtu.be/vcpdU_5q4ck

Dr. MD MD · « **Reply #1266 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:03:31 PM »

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on January 06, 2018, 12:52:33 PM

They deep fry Mars bars, so the pizza ID makes sense.

Seriously?! You're going to try to pedo me? You?! Hey, I tried to be nice but have at him 4chan flying monkeys. Tear him a new one!

Yorkshire pud · « **Reply #1267 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:07:43 PM »

Quote from: Dr. MD MD on January 06, 2018, 01:03:31 PM

Seriously?! You're going to try to pedo me? You?! Hey, I tried to be nice but have at him 4chan flying monkeys. Tear him a new one!

Eh? A Scot that deep fries Mars bars is likely to say a slice of cheese on a muffin is a pizza. What didn't you get Barbie? I mean Richie.

Dr. MD MD · « **Reply #1268 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:16:39 PM »

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on January 06, 2018, 01:07:43 PM

Eh? A Scot that deep fries Mars bars is likely to say a slice of cheese on a muffin is a pizza. What didn't you get Barbie? I mean Richie.

I'm not his friend, Richie but feel free to share delusions with your new best friend. I'm going to title the story: The Pedo and the Meth Addict.

albrecht · « **Reply #1269 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:19:20 PM »

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on January 06, 2018, 12:52:33 PM

They deep fry Mars bars, so the pizza ID makes sense.

They also, when not drinking some kind of alcohol which is rare, drink a thing called Irnbru which is hard to describe. A sweet weak-orange gummy taste, that makes your fillings hurt if you have any small cavities, with a hint of rust. Not good, but they love it and also claim good for hangovers though I'm not sure a real Scot ever gets those since drinking quickly is restarted upon awaking, it seems, and the pubs offer early drink special offers in the morning.

Dr. MD MD · « **Reply #1270 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:21:52 PM »

Quote from: albrecht on January 06, 2018, 01:19:20 PM

They also, when not drinking some kind of alcohol which is rare, drink a thing called Irnbru which is hard to describe. A sweet weak-orange gummy taste, that makes your fillings hurt if you have any small cavities, with a hint of rust. Not good, but they love it and also claim good for hangovers though I'm not sure a real Scot ever gets those since drinking quickly is restarted upon awaking, it seems, and the pubs offer early drink special offers in the morning.

Easy, bra.

Yorkshire pud · « **Reply #1271 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:23:12 PM »

Quote from: Dr. MD MD on January 06, 2018, 01:16:39 PM

I'm not his friend, Richie but feel free to share delusions with your new best friend. I'm going to title the story: The Pedo and the Meth Addict.

You can title whatever you like sweet cheeks. No-one cares. I mean, literally no-one.

Swishypants · « **Reply #1272 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:24:01 PM »

Quote from: Walks_At_Night on January 06, 2018, 12:53:51 PM

Sorry man. Swish walked right into it.

Nah, Nah HOSS! He re-used it! I walked into his house one day after school and caught him with it. He buckled up and pulled a ziplog bag out from the hole he wallered out between it's legs! He said he was "practicing" and that by the time he got married he'd be the best at it! This is real!

Dr. MD MD · « **Reply #1273 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:24:24 PM »

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on January 06, 2018, 01:23:12 PM

You can title whatever you like sweet cheeks. No-one cares. I mean, literally no-one.

You seem to...very much so!

albrecht · « **Reply #1274 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:24:51 PM »

Quote from: Dr. MD MD on January 06, 2018, 01:21:52 PM

Easy, bra.

Don't get me wrong. I loved Scotland. Beautiful place. Good food (I know, I know but I like British food.) Good beer and Scotch, obviously. But they like to drink, I have no problem with that especially considering the weather and lack of sunlight, but that Irnbru stuff is questionable, at best.

Swishypants · « **Reply #1275 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:25:07 PM »

I'll bet a MILLION DOLLARS he still has the God damn thing in his office!

Dr. MD MD · « **Reply #1276 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:25:34 PM »

Ah! Back on ignore again. Peaceful!

Swishypants · « **Reply #1277 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:27:33 PM »

Quote from: Dr. MD MD on January 06, 2018, 01:21:52 PM

Easy, bra.

It's HIM! I fuckin' know it! RITCHIE!!!!!!!!!

Dr. MD MD · « **Reply #1278 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:28:11 PM »

Quote from: albrecht on January 06, 2018, 01:24:51 PM

Don't get me wrong. I loved Scotland. Beautiful place. Good food (I know, I know but I like British food.) Good beer and Scotch, obviously. But they like to drink, I have no problem with that especially considering the weather and lack of sunlight, but that Irnbru stuff is questionable, at best.

And the Brits don't like to drink?! Hoo boy!

Never tried Irnbru and I'm with you on British food. I like it too, mostly. I'm basically half and half anyway, as far as I know.

Yorkshire pud · « **Reply #1279 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:28:14 PM »

Quote from: albrecht on January 06, 2018, 01:19:20 PM

They also, when not drinking some kind of alcohol which is rare, drink a thing called Irnbru which is hard to describe. A sweet weak-orange gummy taste, that makes your fillings hurt if you have any small cavities, with a hint of rust. Not good, but they love it and also claim good for hangovers though I'm not sure a real Scot ever gets those since drinking quickly is restarted upon awaking, it seems, and the pubs offer early drink special offers in the morning.

https://youtu.be/H4PxuFQCDis

https://youtu.be/SD3LippIN40

Swishypants · « **Reply #1280 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:28:46 PM »

Quote from: Dr. MD MD on January 06, 2018, 01:25:34 PM

Ah! Back on ignore again. Peaceful!

Remember when I gave you that "Klingon" hair cut before the Stone Temple Pilot concert? He loved it and kept it for weeks! Proud as fuck!

Yorkshire pud · « **Reply #1281 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:32:20 PM »

FF to 1.40.

https://youtu.be/TApigZ5ZYC4

https://youtu.be/RkR6OjhXFvQ

albrecht · « **Reply #1282 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:36:37 PM »

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on January 06, 2018, 01:28:14 PM

https://youtu.be/H4PxuFQCDis

https://youtu.be/SD3LippIN40

Ha. That stuff is not good, not awful, but I can't see why one would like it. But they love it. I guess what people call an "acquired taste."

Swishypants · « **Reply #1283 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:37:53 PM »

Quote from: albrecht on January 06, 2018, 01:36:37 PM

Ha. That stuff is not good, not awful, but I can't see why one would like it. But they love it. I guess what people call an "acquired taste."

These people treat trying to pee the shit stains off the commode as a feat of strength!

Yorkshire pud · « **Reply #1284 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:38:25 PM »

Quote from: albrecht on January 06, 2018, 01:36:37 PM

Ha. That stuff is not good, not awful, but I can't see why one would like it. But they love it. I guess what people call an "acquired taste."

I'm the same with Guinness. Don't like cola at all.

Yorkshire pud · « **Reply #1285 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:39:08 PM »

Quote from: Swishypants on January 06, 2018, 01:37:53 PM

These people treat trying to pee the shit stains off the commode as a feat of strength!

That's just the women.

Swishypants · « **Reply #1286 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:40:30 PM »

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on January 06, 2018, 01:39:08 PM

That's just the women.

As part of my cruel Prussian upbringing, I was forced to be friends with these things. It made me strong, and a neat freak!

albrecht · « **Reply #1287 on:** January 06, 2018, 01:47:56 PM »

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on January 06, 2018, 01:38:25 PM

I'm the same with Guinness. Don't like cola at all.

I like Guinness, esp Foreign Extra Stout which really gives you "strength," haha, but I don't like any of it when it is served cold. Which is why I really hated the gimmick several years back when they had special "extra cold' taps put in places for it.

Swishypants · « **Reply #1288 on:** January 06, 2018, 02:05:28 PM »

Another Ritchie story: When I was 10, he wanted to come to my birthday part at Photon. My mother and I had to pick him up. He sang "AMADEUS" by Falco, in high falsetto all the way on repeat without stopping or even noticing that we wanted to kill him with a shovel! Then he gave me a box with an already opened Ghost Busters toy (A toy that only he liked and had bought then opened and played with). I mentioned this and he asked me to notice the package of Starburst he included to make up for it. They too were already opened and several pieces were missing. I called him a fat fuck and he said I was rude.

SredniVashtar · « **Reply #1289 on:** January 06, 2018, 02:10:51 PM »

Quote from: albrecht on January 06, 2018, 01:47:56 PM

I like Guinness, esp Foreign Extra Stout which really gives you "strength," haha, but I don't like any of it when it is served cold. Which is why I really hated the gimmick several years back when they had special "extra cold' taps put in places for it.

What the hell is wrong with you? It's only drinkable when it's cold, otherwise it tastes like you're drinking a loaded ashtray. The Export is better than the ordinary stuff, which is watery by comparison. I prefer porter though. Even Murphy's is better than Guinness.