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Messages - AZZERAE

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Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: Yesterday at 10:47:51 PM »
These are actually pretty good. Did you have any formal training or a background in broadcasting or is it just a hobby?

Its a hobby.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: The GabCast (A podcast about BellGab)
« on: Yesterday at 10:11:21 AM »

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: Yesterday at 09:37:35 AM »

Radio and Podcasts / Re: The GabCast (A podcast about BellGab)
« on: December 05, 2019, 12:52:53 PM »

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 09:14:28 AM »
No matter how succinctly I put it, you will never understand.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 08:45:52 AM »
Oof! I hated Zoloft. It was the worst for me in terms of side effects when we were trying to find something that helped.

I'm sorry to hear that. What were the side effects, for you?

Radio and Podcasts / Re: The Michael Decon Program
« on: December 05, 2019, 08:43:18 AM »
Anything that amounts to any more than stroking your ego here gets you all defensive.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 08:41:48 AM »
All you bottom feeders can do is band together and try take me on in numbers, but I can hold my own, being the one true pariah on this board, and standing up for myself. You're the bullies, and the weak. All you can do is sing the same old song - unlike myself who is always growing and adapting.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 08:39:44 AM »
If anyone has trouble with me being here, take it up with Liberace. Your knight in shining armour is the one who holds the keys, the very person who let me back in. Your gripe should be with him, not me. Its his forum. And he allows it.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 08:37:03 AM »
MD: swoops in first thing every morning and attempts to defend his little make believe friends online. Deeply lacking the intellectual capacity to see further than petty squabbles, he must police what is and isn't acceptable here (in his own mind). He has his title "BellGabber of the Year" to uphold, y'know.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 05:49:43 AM »
Do you think that any of the side effects were "psychosomatic"?

Of course my initial instinct is to dismiss the possibility out of hand.

First I'll tell you why I think not, and then why, maybe, some side effects were.

I felt like I was observing the things that were happening to me, and that they came on out of the blue. So many weird sensations ran through my being that I find it hard to accept that they were all "in my head."

I guess we must remember, nevertheless, that you're communicating with a person who has a lot going on "in his head," anyway.

But, yes, I did read the package insert before taking my first dose. And I did my own extensive personal research on what other people experienced when going onto this medication. So that most definitely could've been something that influenced the sensations I felt.

I have no doubt that some people (likely you) need to have the emotions reigned in. I just found it interesting that my friend is actually finding the increased range to be a good thing. I think that his previous medication possibly suppressed the good and the bad to the point where it was harder to "feel" and to make a connection with others.

It sounds in his case like he almost needs to learn how to experience the emotions again. In your case, it seems like learning how to avoid the extreme highs and lows is probably more important.

Yeah, I definitely needed to dial the feelings down, but could never - for the life of me - manage to do so without eventually popping pills. As I'm sure anyone can see, I'm still "myself," that is I still have my quirks ... but my inner life is much more at peace with things than it once was.

Anyhow, good to see you around again...

Likewise. I doubt this place is good for me. Maybe after Friday night's show I'll bow out from actively using the forum. We'll have to see.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: The Michael Decon Program
« on: December 05, 2019, 05:28:26 AM »
Who's heart have I broken, that does not sound like me... very uncharacteristic!

Starr really isn't having an easy time with the fact that you and I are fighting. The only reason I'll forgive you and move on is for her sake. But my opinion of you at this stage is that you're a piece of shit and nothing more.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 05:20:57 AM »
I'm trying to recall which country you are in...

Finally. Someone decent.

I was in Indonesia, but now I'm back in South Africa.

Is there a public system - or is it all private?

There is a public system, but its pretty terrible. I'm on a private "medical aid".

Do you mind sharing which anti-depressant you are on?

Sure: Serdep. "Zoloft" in American terms. Pretty run-of-the-mill stuff.

I'm kind of curious how it is working as a good friend just changed from prozac and says that the new one allows for a much greater range of emotion (positive and negative.)

While I don't know anything about Prozac, as I've never taken it, this is my experience with Serdep/Zoloft:

At first, it gave me the worst headache I've ever experienced in my life. Like within 15 minutes of taking it. Then, that night, I ground my teeth to the point where I chipped my left front tooth. In the next few weeks, I lost my appetite completely. All I could do was drink weak tea - at the most. For about a month, I was dizzy, only able to lay down, hardly walk ... my heart even felt like it was going to explode one time. Like anxiety on steroids. Another time I felt "high," like numb.

Eventually, I realised that certain delusions I'd had waned (paranoia that loved ones were out to get me, that I was being monitored). I felt different overall, but I just can't describe how exactly.

Then came the giggling fits. I developed hysterical laughter because of a serotonin imbalance ... maybe even created by the antidepressant. And at night, I was having manic, racing thoughts that'd wake me up before dawn.

My mood stabilizer was increased at this point, and I was then administered an atypical antipsychotic, which gave me the most vivid frightmares you could ever fathom. I had bouts of religious obsession and hallucinations about the Devil and Hindu deities at this point. I guess my chemical make up was adjusting to the abundance of active agents rewiring all my neurons.

I had always assumed that the point of them was to dull emotion and was a little surprised to find that the one that is more helpful for him is allowing more emotion rather than less.

All in all, the antidepressant I'm on - combined with the other medications - has definitely reduced my emotional expression. But, for me, that's been a tremendously good thing, because I was always hypersensitive to the point of it being crippling, and just unable to focus or ever calm down in general. So I operate - for the most part - like a more relaxed, rational and calm person.

But that doesn't mean I haven't had bad days. It just means they're way less. I've only gotten depressed to the point of suicidal ideation (like I'm really gonna do it) ONCE in the past while. And that's a huge improvement, because I was on my way to giving up just a couple months ago, when I first got help.

Is it 100% medication for you - or is there some other therapy as well?

I would say, on paper, it seems like its just been medication, but fortunately enough, my psychiatrist has provided some therapy along with the medication she's prescribed. I consider myself lucky to have such a kind, patient doctor ... one who (I personally feel) has gone above and beyond her job.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 05:04:27 AM »
That's news to me, please enlighten us all.

Chat with me in private if you wish to resolve any of the conflict between us.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 04:44:27 AM »
Don't worry Azz I'm still your friend!

I know all the things you've done, and the attempts you've made to sabotage my progress.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 04:39:37 AM »
I also do voice over work too.... and that has paid my rent. It's nothing to brag about, however, so I'm not sure why you care about my life lol.

For someone who, when pressed, now claims he has nothing to brag about, you have an air of braggadocio about you that is most unappealing. But its to be expected from an American.

To be frank, the only reason I'm injecting myself into your life now is because you begun poking at me when you didn't get your way by having me as a guest on your gay show. It must genuinely burn your ass that I'm going to be on with MV this Friday - on a show, that while small - is in leaps and bounds far more interesting than you or your abortion of a broadcast will ever be.

I'm sorry you don't enjoy your life, I also enjoy money and working various shifts, I was told at an early age that I need to work and work multiple jobs. These days I've been able to cut back on my regular gig.

I'm currently home however enjoying your meltdown.... Just in case you wondered.

You will be sorry. Oh, you'll be very sorry. You know absolutely NOTHING about my life. In my country and culture, working more than one job means you are a failure. You fat yanks have no idea how much you're despised worldwide ... because your heads are so far up your asses.

The fact you mention cutting back on your "regular gig" as some sort of crowning achievement speaks volumes. Real artists and creators can support themselves fully with what they do from day one. And have never had to kowtow to some superior in their entire life.

I'm more successful than you'll ever be - in all aspects of life - and I don't even need to try. The illusion of the first world/third world dynamic is a lie. Whilst residing in the "first world" you have to work multiple "gigs" to keep homelessness at bay and that means you are flailing. Wildly.

I will never trust you and your intentions with my friends. The people you gaslight and spread discord amongst. Never.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 04:14:33 AM »
Depends which platform specifically, there's multiple spots.

Just because your ego is disproportionately inflated due to a series of simple numbers on a screen, doesn't mean you have the right to mistreat people for a rush.

Earn a living off your supposed "talent" alone, without working some menial job graveyard shift to feed yourself. Then talk to me.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 04:03:14 AM »
It's a good thing you can't afford a gun or a plane ticket.

Tell us how many subscribers you have.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 04:02:43 AM »
I was only being your mimic, as in "fool"

Yeah, well, you're getting me angry. Which I'm sure has produced a woody. Try not cum all over your keyboard, I know you're all out of paper towels at this point.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 04:01:33 AM »
You were sincerely helping AssStab, since you somehow found artwork that matched each podcast theme. Like WTF. This wasn't custom made for his-her podcast?

You had to get the artwork from Azz somehow...

While they were hot linked, nobody has the right to use those images without my permission. I made them myself, and I own the rights to them. Only by requesting permission for them to be re-used will I consider it.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:58:13 AM »
There's actually more than that, but that was actually the most truthful statement you've made tonight. Your autism is hysterical, post often.

The only thing that ever seems to hurt you is when somebody goes after your show. But its a common problem, amongst lesser developed men, attaching ones self worth to their worldly achievements.

By the time you realise what really matters, it'll be too late.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:55:24 AM »
Azz, go do a Vegan YT channel with your artwork. I'm sure you and Metron and your other vegan/veggie fruit forum buddies could make it a success on YT. Yeah, right, you're not vegan, though you push their fucked-up fruity agendas.

Maybe an African UFO/Paranormal YT channel might work for your region of the world? But I seriously doubt anyone with an AB listening background will give a shit about your monologues except for your forum buddies.

All this advice from an individual who's spent their entire life on the sidelines as a spectator and critic whose opinion will never be respected or considered.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:52:16 AM »
I wasn't even able to make it through listening to the first half of part one, so I dunno. I don't plan on revisiting it unless someone brings something interesting to my attention.

Somebody should bring a round of bullets to your attention.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:50:36 AM »
You still don't take responsibility for your own words, that's truly amazing.

Face it, you're just a chatty patty. And your subscriber count is nothing more than evidence that 1600 people are stupid as fuck.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:47:53 AM »
For those that believe in Whitley Strieber... A True Story:

Azzarae continues his psychosis by delving into Whitley Strieber's life to find some meaning and purpose for his life and/or his social media. His mental illness has produced an ET through his window.

I don't "believe in" Whitley Strieber. I've been a fan of his writing for a couple years is all. That's very different than buying in to dangerous ideas.

Maybe. Maybe it was a hallucination. Maybe. But maybe it wasn't.

Save yourself years of recovery from Whitley's programming by reading about what happened to this guy, Jasun:

Prisoner of Infinity: UFOs, Social Engineering, and the Psychology of Fragmentation Paperback April 30, 2018

Jasun Horsley has an awesome website that has a vast collection of Blog posts and Podcasts that cover Social Engineering that can relate back to The Paranormal. He had an obsession with Strieber's ideas and other "followings" for more than a decade before he realized how "controlled" he was by such interests.

Here is Jasun's website with intro about his Strieber book:

I don't listen to podcasts, or consume any media of any kind, whatsoever. Nothing. So there's no chance I'll be delving in to this nonsense.

If you're going to be obsessed about such topics, then I think Jasun can help you from becoming entrapped in such beliefs and becoming more mentally ill as Azzarae is about such matters.

Uh, no. I have a doctor. I'd rather depend on the professional opinion of someone who literally has my best interests at heart, rather than some kook trying to sell a book.

Why you think replacing one crazy for another with an opposing opinion will do anything for a person's mental well being says far more about the place you're in than anything else. You can't even muster the courage to relate a smidgen of your personal life or experiences to others out of fear you'll be tracked down by the FBI. Guilty conscience. You must be doing something wrong.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:40:01 AM »
No. Dipshit. My statement was absolutely true when I posted that, so fuck off... as you suggest.

I can do without the profanity. And will respond in kind, if you can keep it at bay.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:37:44 AM »
Too bad the meds have suppressed your artwork for now.

They haven't, actually. I'm able to calm down and concentrate for short stretches now, thanks to my pills.

Here are some of my recent artworks:

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:31:53 AM »
[Azzerae] claims to have a closet full of Voodoo dolls with plenty of assstab needles stuck-in for MV/Liberace! Apparently, someone broke his widow to steal his original MV/Liberace! Assstab Doll, so he has a closet full of Assstab dolls "at the ready" now.

That's a true story. Minus the bad puns.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:30:42 AM »
[Azzerae] admits he can't afford professional psychotherapy, and so he is now using his forum/podcast as a substitute for therapy. I think Starr is playing the role of his therapist with a specialization in Karmic bite you in the Assstab retribution.

Actually, my psychiatrist made it clear to me that the medication she prescribed me has so far helped my self-improvement in leaps and bounds. Therefore it was concluded that I don't require psychotherapy. And for the record, I have gotten A grade medical care from my treatment plan this year, and so I'm doing way better than I was before I last interacted with you on this board.

The fact your derive amusement from the fact I said I couldn't afford therapy makes you a real piece of work. But what would you care, you're just another face in the crowd. No personality, merely a non-entity.

Radio and Podcasts / Re: Azzerae's World
« on: December 05, 2019, 03:25:35 AM »
This dipshit doesn't "register" what MV/Liberace! ALREADY told him WHY Azz was banned.

Just because MV told me that's the reason I got banned, doesn't mean it is the reason. If you recall, he was awfully flustered upon hearing my voice, and I think its best to assume he and I were both trying to find our feet and figure one another out while buying ourselves some time by saying what we could say to keep the conversation going, all the while trying to seem composed.

I'm not alleging MV is a liar, or lied to me, however. What I am saying, is that perhaps there were some small fibs that slipped through the cracks at first while we both found our footing. That's all.

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