Show Posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.


Messages - SredniVashtar

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... 219
1
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 04:27:18 PM »
That's mean!

I like Shredme.

Do you want to be responsible if Shredme knocks himself off?

-1

That's the spirit. Don't let that freckled fool tell me I lack friends here. I am adored, revered even.

2
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 04:25:17 PM »
Ha!  I have already driven you off of the familiar ground of intellectual and cultural superiority which, in contravention of all that is right and good, you use to bully and demean rather than uplift -- I bet you've never had occasion to call someone else pretentious in your life.

I see your appeals for sympathy that go unanswered.  You are adrift in unfamiliar territory without friends, only cordial enemies like me who like to fight.  That may be enough to stay my hand but make no mistake:  you are at my mercy.



All this time I was using the junior foil with a cork on the end, in recognition of the worthlessness of my 'adversary', although even that suggests a rough equality that turns my stomach. If you wish to doff the gauntlets then have at it! I will try the heft of my club (more like a zulu knobkerrie, if I'm honest) and batter you to a state of squirming submission, your pigeon chest covered in welt marks. Don't say I didn't warn you.

3
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 04:17:08 PM »
When were you allowed to leave the slave master's cuck shed in the underground?

I think you must be confusing me with someone else. A not unlikely occurrence given that you're shitfaced most of the time. I hope you at least recycle all those beer cans, Glugsy!

4
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 03:55:02 PM »
I will not.  I have a bead on Shreddie, or rather the shrinking creature behind the dreadful apparatus, and aim to deliver a wounding psychic blow to end his reign of terror.  Not in the woo sense, but real damage.  Never fear, dear sweet Azz; vengeance is at hand!

So far it's been like trying to bring down Michelangelo's David (a not inapt comparison, if I say so myself) with a pea shooter. What can I expect, more lame and inaccurate fat gags? A wretched attempt to call my vast learning into question? Your invertebrate attempts at hostility don't scare me.

5
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 03:50:18 PM »
I'm awesome buddy.  How are you?

+1

What the hell has happened? You sound like you've been possessed by damon, except your grammar isn't all screwed.

6
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 03:46:04 PM »
I have long suspected the same thing.  Compare these results from the translator:

=drop-dead

I think that's an aspiration we can all get behind. Mercifully, we shouldn't have to wait too long thanks to the tobacco and your Auschwitz physique.

7
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 03:25:34 PM »
Wrecking the Canadian economy over a post seems a little extreme.  :(

Too late now. It was all your fault and now you're going to have to re-enter the moose porn business to make a dishonest living.

8
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 03:07:31 PM »
It would appear that he wishes he lived closer in the hopes of striking.

Indeed.

And you can fuck off too. I'm going to hide all the bottles of maple syrup in my local supermarket because of your fatuous and unwelcome intervention.

9
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 01:02:36 PM »
We can tell him we're giving him a ticket to visit his awful relatives, the Smeurterings, in Bergen or somewhere, then shove him out of the plane and let him take his chances on a glacier. And serve the bastard right!

10
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 12:57:26 PM »
White skin is beautiful, too. 

Only if you're trying to hide from Polar bears. Actually, the thought of you scampering around the North Pole pursued by those ferocious beasts is something we really need to make happen.

11
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 12:47:25 PM »
But, but, but, he's a good guy.  I've never know him to be foul or nasty.
And, ya gotta admit.  He's a drop-dead gorgeous babe.  (SSSSHHHhhhhh.  Don't tell him I told ya that last part). ;)

I guess, if you have a preference for pretentious albino gingers.

12
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 12:45:27 PM »

Wait!  I forgot my little guy.



You leave him alone. The police already know about you so don't push it.

13
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 12:32:06 PM »
But, a British fag is a cigarette.  So.  Shreddy is the . . . MARLBORO MAN?  COOL!  (No not, Kool).

We must be understanding with the poor lizard. He swishes around with no shirt on, pipe permanently stuck in his unsightly fizzog. It's only a matter of time, one hopes, before he's carried away by a fatal bronchial complaint. Or stabbed by a lover of literature.

14
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 12:26:01 PM »
I checked around to make sure I hadn't imagined it and I find the scene is rather famous.  Perhaps you are, simply, dense.

Or I just have a pure mind. You probably huddle together in some nasty little corner with your fellow perverts, riffling through great works of literature only to find the dirty bits. Disgusting!

15
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 12:10:02 PM »
Oh!  I thought you'd never ask!  Brace yourself.  Heh, heh. ;D

I bet his sternum is like a collection of dried twigs. The merest cuddle will damage the poor swine irreparably. Carry on!

16
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 12:01:04 PM »
This according to a man who's never read Proust.



I've read it twice, you ninnying dandiprat. Your contention that Marcel indulged in a quick hand shandy in the bushes was pure fanciful speculation. You could get a stiffy from a set of vacuum cleaner instructions. That's what makes you so disliked in the better circles. That and the ever-present cloud of talcum powder that accompanies your every twinkle-toed step.

17
Random Topics / Re: Bart Ell's thread
« on: Yesterday at 11:44:36 AM »
Good morning, dear.  But something's not quite right -- when I run your post through my bellgabG translator (a project I've been secretly developing, pouring all my knowledge of culture and linguistics into it) it comes up with, approximately, "Go fuck yourself with a telephone pole."


,


18
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 17, 2019, 09:51:51 AM »
Ha!  At first glance I read that as "death of a thousand cats

That would only be suitable for ellgab.

19
Did you use any of those lines as you sodomized, raped, and murdered helpless woman and children over there in the middle east?

That is grossly inaccurate and offensive! You'd never find him messing around with women! He liked to sodomise a couple of Iraqi prisoners in the evening, it gave him an appetite for his MRE. Don't worry, he'll get his heavenly reward - 72 virgins with strap-ons dipped in tabasco.

20
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 17, 2019, 07:29:20 AM »
Yeah, yeah, yeah  Go get me a fucking Kebab, will you Haji boy?  Mit alles, ja?

Arschloch! Oh, I've got your kebab...on an extra large skewer, ready for express delivery! You syphillitic product of a rotten civilisation, prepare to meet your Nazi relatives in hell! You will die the death of a thousand cuts.

21
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 17, 2019, 04:00:12 AM »
Sredni likes to gaslight. To crawl into ones head, burrow into the brains, convince his host that his intentions are positive. Then, before you realize what's been done, the rug is yanked out from underneath you. Head games are his thing.

Don't take it personally. As a proud Mussulman, my religion compels me to do it. I refer you to the verse in the Bhagavad Gita that says 'smite those pork-chewing bastards at every opportunity'. You've got off quite lightly so far, I've normally driven people to despair and bankruptcy by now. As for head games, you remind me of the impromptu game of soccer at my terrorist training camp when the census taker knocked on the wrong door.

22
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 16, 2019, 12:27:10 PM »
Hang in there.

Not the most carefully chosen expression for someone threatening suicide.

23
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 15, 2019, 08:37:54 PM »
Whew that's a lot of Wildean something!  At least Proust had the decency to conceal himself in the shrubbery.

And I am not at all bitter; I will send you off with a sonnet once I hear the banns read.  Nothing curdles the verses that spill from the muse's ewer quite like a ring.  We poets are always meant to yearn.

Bitter as a witches tit! You're probably already hatching yet more racist fat-shaming to throw at me, you and that elderly Valkyrie.

I can't help thinking you're getting Proust and Joyce confused. Not that I'd expect a fellow like you to have read Joyce anyway.

24
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 15, 2019, 08:12:59 PM »
BTW "et viola" is payback for "vile consort" which you once thought so clever that you bolded and surrounded with arrows and sirens and lights just in case I missed it, so let's keep our standards in perspective.

Listen, you insufferable Nancy. In soccer terms, I picked up the ball on the halfway line, beat four men, and then whacked it in the top corner. I was just giving due respect to a moment of Wildean brilliance. Don't even try to compare your shitty attempt at wit with my superior effort.

You're just bitter now I'm engaged to Tangerine and your hopeless verses were wasted on desert air.

25
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 15, 2019, 07:57:05 PM »
I have been dying for years

If only! I've got some flowers and I know just where to stick them.

26
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 15, 2019, 07:51:37 PM »

Are you sure?  I translated that as "Your mother has large breasts." Just sayin'

That would be more appropriate in Le Falkie thread.

27
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 15, 2019, 07:47:54 PM »
Well, welcome back!  There is no ferret alive interested in anything blanc!  With less protein and more broccoli, who knows how your SHBG will measure.  And if your toilet seat is still in one piece after that trip, then you're way ahead of my best.

Oh wait.  I get it now.  A cover story.  Two can live as cheap as one and the idea of a cover story sounds fascinating.  I hadn't even thought of that in my situation, but that is quite an idea.  Alas, world history and civics were not required on the U.S. west coast.  I'd be bound to bore your dry reserve and flowery, world wise nature with my insightful, rather loud, down-to-earth practical nature, lol.

I now consider you wooed and won. Kindly ask your people to let my people know what sort of dowry to expect, the custom in my tribe is 30 camels and 500 pounds of heroin. Don't bother losing any weight, we like them big over there and it enhances my status. I promise to keep the sex to a minimum but I need an heir to stop my evil one-eyed brother Majid ('The Bastard of Bamiyan') from getting any ideas. He already fucked with my plan to call the goat ranch 'Disneyland Kabul' by squealing to Orlando and getting the shit lawyered out of me.

28
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 15, 2019, 04:06:42 PM »
Nous saluons le retour du diable!

Yes, indeed. Please continue paying homage to how clever and amusing I am, which was, I understand, the original purpose of this well-overdue thread.

29
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 15, 2019, 03:58:38 PM »
Ha, I was hoping you'd find that irresistible!  It is a pun, my dear.  In French.

Ah, twas the lameness than confuseth me. Perhaps it was a busy day at the poodle parlour and you couldn't give this one your full attention. Hard to concentrate when you're covered in suds.

30
Random Topics / Re: Sredni Vashtar (Missing in Action)
« on: August 15, 2019, 03:20:02 PM »
Oh Pye thank you it is a lovely poem and, if he were here, I'm sure he'd tell you just how lovely it is!  I feel awful for teasing him about his weight, the poor sensitive thing -- he might bear argument reasonably well, but never ridicule.  I don't know which of us delivered the coup de gras but I am quite sure that's what did him in.

If he returns, I promise I shall never mention his burgeoning girth again.  In fact, I will sponsor an Acceptance thread where we all post pictures of our squishy bits for only supportive commentary, and pity the fool who dares to snicker!

My only consolation is that we may have helped him a little with his baking.  He might be a loathsome creature and I despise everything he stands for, but there is no reason he should not have a decent muffin once in a while.

Coup de gras? Just when I think you can't get any worse. If your pasty, withered limbs weren't bad enough, your ignorance of the merest basics concerning medieval execution methods shows yet again why we can never be friends. There are one-legged grocers from Aberdeen, without the trace of any sort of education, who could have avoided that particular land mine.

Pages: [1] 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 ... 219