Author Topic: Any Good Jokes?  (Read 44521 times)

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Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #270 on: August 02, 2014, 10:11:45 PM »
A husband walks into Frederick's of Hollywood to purchase some sheer lingerie for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250 to $500 in price, the more sheer, the higher the price. He opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500 and takes the lingerie home.
He presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on and model it for him.
Upstairs, the wife thinks, "I have an idea. It's so sheer that it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, do the modeling naked, return it tomorrow and keep the $500 refund for myself." So she appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.
The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"



Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #271 on: August 03, 2014, 01:37:57 AM »
The husband says, "Good Lord! You'd think that for $500, they'd at least iron it!"

Excellent.  Thumbs up!

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #272 on: August 03, 2014, 10:13:17 AM »
When I was young I decided to go to Medical School.


In the entrance exam we were asked to rearrange the letters PNEIS and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

 
Those who answered SPINE are doctors today.   The rest of us are sending jokes via email.

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #273 on: August 03, 2014, 10:16:41 AM »
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Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #274 on: August 03, 2014, 10:31:22 AM »


      What did the gerbil say when the gay couple entered the pet store?

       WOOF WOOF!  MEOW, MEOW!

       (Ya see,the gerbil was pretending to be anything else)

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #275 on: August 03, 2014, 10:49:37 AM »
There was a young girl from Rabat
Who had triplets: Nan, Pat, and Tat.
It was fun in the breeding,
but hell in the feeding,
as she found she had no tit for Tat.

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #276 on: August 03, 2014, 10:52:59 AM »
Archimedes, that well-known truth-seeker,
jumped out of his bath with “Eureka!”
He ran half a mile
wearing only a smile
and became the very first streaker.

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #277 on: August 04, 2014, 12:38:18 AM »
A man was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw a man eating grass by the roadside. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.

“Why are you eating grass?” he asked the man.

“I don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied.

“Oh, please come to my house!”

“But sir, I have a wife and four children…”

“Bring them along!” the rich man said.

They all climbed into the limo. Once underway, the poor fellow said, “Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us in.”

The rich man replied, “No, you don’t understand. The grass at my house is over three feet tall!”

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #278 on: August 04, 2014, 12:52:53 PM »
Some Chinese translations:

Are you harboring a fugitive?
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

Did you go to the beach?
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table
Ai Bang Mai Ni

Has your flight been delayed?
Hao Long Wei Ting?

I thought you were on a diet
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

He’s cleaning his automobile
Wa Shing Ka

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #279 on: August 09, 2014, 08:53:06 AM »
http://www.rodneyohebsion.com/mulla-nasrudin.htm#029
Nasrudin struck up a conversation with a stranger.

Ar one point, he asked, “So how’s business?”

“Great,” the other replied.

“Then can I borrow ten dollars?”

“No. I don’t know you well enough to lend you money,”.

“That’s strange,” replied Nasrudin. “Where I used to live, people wouldn’t lend me money because they knew me; and now that I’ve moved here, people won’t lend me money because they don’t know me!“

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #280 on: September 10, 2014, 12:59:34 AM »
Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter


Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #281 on: September 10, 2014, 01:00:09 AM »
A nerd says to his friend, "Funny thing happened to me on the way to the telescope, this girl came up on a bike, took all her clothes off and said to me 'take what you want'"

The second nerd asks, "what did you do?"

"I took the bike"

"Good choice the clothes would not have fit."

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #282 on: September 10, 2014, 01:04:04 AM »
After marrying a young woman, a 90-year-old man told his doctor that they were expecting a baby.

"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he brought an umbrella. Suddenly a bear charged at him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."

"Impossible!" the Old Man said "Somebody else must have shot that bear."

"Exactly," replied the doctor.

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #283 on: September 17, 2014, 05:48:07 PM »

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #284 on: October 26, 2014, 12:43:41 AM »
Not sure this qualifies as a joke but these funny notes could have been written by Bellgabbers:

http://www.viralnova.com/stranger-love/

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #285 on: October 26, 2014, 01:10:16 AM »
Why do they call it a roach-clip? 
Because pot-holder was already taken.

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #286 on: October 26, 2014, 01:47:47 AM »
I get a kick out of these-

A woman was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

She was not happy with what she saw and said to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’

The husband replies, ‘Your eyesight’s damn near perfect.’

And that’s when the fight started….

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’

I said, ‘Dust..’

And that’s when the fight started….

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #287 on: October 27, 2014, 03:11:45 PM »
Not sure this qualifies as a joke but these funny notes could have been written by Bellgabbers:

http://www.viralnova.com/stranger-love/

Those are great, and it was fun matching them up with various BellGabbers!

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #288 on: October 27, 2014, 03:40:37 PM »
"The scratches are because I used a towel that had sand on it to try to clean the dent/paint off. Beeches are fun."

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #289 on: November 15, 2014, 02:48:59 AM »
How I learned to Mind My Own Business:

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, "13...13...13".
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on. Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick, then they all started shouting, "14...14...14".


 

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #290 on: November 15, 2014, 10:59:04 PM »
Uhhhhhhh have you seen Falkie's YouTube channel?

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #291 on: November 20, 2014, 09:11:41 PM »
 :)

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #292 on: November 20, 2014, 09:23:31 PM »
coast to coast am. nuff said.

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #293 on: November 21, 2014, 01:36:24 AM »
* Warning - nerd programmer joke alert

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT31 = DEC25.

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #294 on: November 21, 2014, 01:41:02 AM »
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HA!

On a separate note.. I never hit a woman unless she falls down the stairs 8)

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #295 on: November 21, 2014, 01:42:13 AM »
* Warning - nerd programmer joke alert

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT31 = DEC25.

Damned fine observation.

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #296 on: November 21, 2014, 01:46:44 AM »
Damned fine observation.

Yep, that's about the closest thing to a laugh that one ever gets.   :-\

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #297 on: November 21, 2014, 01:59:14 AM »
Yep, that's about the closest thing to a laugh that one ever gets.   :-\

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #298 on: November 21, 2014, 12:16:56 PM »
coast to coast am. nuff said.
GOOD jokes dude.  GOOD

Re: Any Good Jokes?
« Reply #299 on: November 21, 2014, 01:04:56 PM »


* Warning - nerd programmer joke alert

Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?

Because OCT31 = DEC25.


Damned fine observation.

Yep, that's about the closest thing to a laugh that one ever gets.   :-\ 
Reported - this joke did not make me laugh. I googled and it's not just me. Nobody thinks it's funny.