BellGab.com Archive

I was dared to write this, more or less, around decade ago, in an early incarnation of Bellgab.
Perhaps it is due a reheat for the season.
Happy Holidays my fellow malcontents!

T’was the night before Christmas, and over the air,
George Nuri was broadcasting doom and despair:
“Just one thousand ninety-two days so beware
Nibiru arrives with a big solar flare!

Please think of the children,--Mah-REET-sa so sweet,
Who’ll be turned into slaves for the Global Elite.
And all of the babies who are going to be stewed
To provide the Nephalim with their favorite food.”

The wife was asleep as I sipped a nightcap
And wondered, “Where does he come up with this crap?”
Then Tricky-Dick Hoaxland came onto the line,
To add pseudo-science to back Nuri’s  whine:

“I once worked for NASA and Cronkite as well,
Until I told the truth, then they sent me to hell.
They’re trying to silence me, telling their lies,
For I am the one who knows what’s in the skies.

Nibiru is coming, there are faces on Mars!
I got an award from some drunk guy named Lars.
I met him ‘round back by the dumpster one night.
He said it was for my astounding insight.”

Then out in the yard there arose such a clatter,
I put down my drink and I emptied my bladder.
I grabbed a revolver and snuck to the door
Intent to discover the source of the roar.

The moon shining brightly in spite of no snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below.
My trashcans were scattered, I saw with chagrin,
By a now-steaming Yugo, its front all caved in.

Out staggered a driver, still clutching a purse,
With a mouth like a scar and a voice like a curse.
A bunch of equipment hung over her prow
She said “I’m the world famous Mutated-Cowe.

I was tracking an object way up in the sky
It was extraterrestrial, that’s where they fly!
Can I take your statement?” she said with a wink,
“And then, after that could you give me a drink?

And after the drink I should check in with George…”
I swallowed and fought down my own rising gorge.
An old cassette recorder then hove into view
And a hand held mic circa seventy-two.

“So, tell me, exactly, what you saw, would you say?
A big, black triangle? An Angel? A Gray?
Perhaps its an extraterrestrial sleigh?
And do you mind putting that pistol away?”

Before I could answer, a sound chilled my bones
For out of my bushes leapt one Alex Jones.
“The Mayans were Masons and part of this sport!
Just look at the proof in the Denver Airport!

Al Qaida sends shadow-folks over the border
And it takes directions from the New World Order!
You think that I’m crazy? The whole thing sounds horsey?
But I’ve got proof right here! I obtained it from Corsi!”

He planted himself for a desperate stand.
Then, grasping his megaphone firmly in hand:
“Bohemian Grove! Its all conspiracy!
And ‘twas Winnie-the-Pooh shot John Kennedy!

Folks, we’ve got to wake up, our country’s a wreck!
So do your part now and write me a check!”
“And write me one, too!” piped the Mutated-Cowe,
“Buy subscriptions to EarthFilesDOTorg, do it now!”

I staggered inside and I slumped ‘gainst the wall,
My eyes saw the face of the clock in hall.
Eleven-eleven it flashed with persistence
I started to scream “There’s no coincidence!”

From my house, to the city of angels and caves,
I discovered the portal of fools, shills and slaves.
It’s a magical box from whence madness arises
And crytpo-fascist delusion in various guises.

The Ring master’s a clown, with his bad varnished hair
And a line-up of guests who all feed off despair.
And the meaning was clear as dawn’s light diagnosed:
For a REAL Merry Christmas, don’t bother with Coast.

**M**

Mussolini had his Blackshirt Brigades
Schicklegruber had his Brownshirts
Papa Doc had the Ton-Ton Macoute
Hussein had the Fedayeen Saddam
Kony has his Lord's Resistence Army
Mao had his Red Guard
Mexsomalia has its cartels
and Barack(pbuh) has "Black Lives Matter."
all for EXACTLY the same reason.

Being a Progressive-Socialist Elitist means that you are not only above the Law, you are above History.

Quote from: Donald Noory on November 21, 2015, 12:52:49 AM
Yeah I think Lars Von Trier just gets off on making actresses like Kristen Dunst squat down and piss in his movies.

When HE does it, its called Art-film.  When YOU do it...
**M**

Quote from: starrmtn001 on November 21, 2015, 12:35:48 AM
Pigeons were used for communication before phones.  We have smart phones now, why not smart pigeons?

But what would the pixel size on the camera be?
**M**

Peace through overwhelming firepower. 
The credible deterrent does not know the specifics of any given threat, not does it care, its presence is sufficient to deter most aggression.
**M**

Quote from: Donald Noory on November 21, 2015, 12:08:21 AM
I wish Hoaxland would take DMT one night during his show. That would be great.

He'd be back alligator clipping an old Bulova Watch to an IBM Thinkpad to measure torsions fields at Machu Pichu like he did on television ten years back.
**M**

Quote from: Uncle Duke on November 20, 2015, 11:51:51 PM
Your halbert, my Tokarev.  I like my odds.

I have both, and my trebuchet.
Your move...
**M**

Does my trebuchet count as a sling shot?
**M**

Quote from: starrmtn001 on November 20, 2015, 11:46:01 PM
. . . he's a prepper, she's a prepper,
wouldn't you like to be
a prepper too?

D'oh!

I LOVE IT!
Liberal Guilt and White Privilege Conspiracy Theory are now genetically encoded!
I am crying here with laughter!
**M**

Great! Scientology!
The "Progressive" movement of Religion.
**M**
Cheers Kids!
It's a Sidecar kinda night!

OK, so this two-drink minimum, with wine, it should be two bottles, but dammit now they're both empty...
So, as much fun as this has been, time for this camper to blow out the candles and unplug the currant bush.
Night night all, stay safe!
**M**

Quote from: GravitySucks on November 14, 2015, 01:31:28 AM
We did pretty good at the Battle of Plattsburgh, and then there was that whole misunderstanding about a dead pig on an island, but generally we think your cool peeps, especially when we have the Stanley Cup.

I. for one, have always been a fan of America's Hat.  Always enjoined it up there.  Polite, civilized, libidinous women, passable booze, great scenery and donut holes.
LOVE YA!
**M**

Quote from: Barfly on November 14, 2015, 01:02:04 AM
I couldn't make it yesterday, i had to put my dog down 

God, mate, I am TERRIBLY sorry!  You have my deepest sympathies.
**M**

Quote from: zeebo on November 14, 2015, 12:57:57 AM
I picked wine tonite.  I shoulda stepped it up to scotch.  Lesson learned.

I'm out of Balvenie and Absinthe. 
Hitting the Malbec like an ugly stepchild.
**M**

Oh for God's sake, let us NOT slither into the hoplophobic hysteria.
The most restrictive "gun control" out there fails to prevent any dedicated activist, terrorist or criminal
from obtaining a firearm.  Blaming firearms for this massacre makes as much sense as blaming the internet and social media
for the spread of activism.
**M**

Quote from: zmbabwe on November 14, 2015, 12:53:48 AM
They said that about the baby boomers?

If they did, BOY were they right!

**M**

Quote from: swordpoint9 on November 14, 2015, 12:44:19 AM
Bummer PM has a 5 post per Hour LOL !

I was just fuming over exactly that same thing!
...and I can't remember when I put my corkscrew--sniff--sniff--
**M**

This guy should never have given up his day job occupying something or other...
**M**

Quote from: zeebo on November 14, 2015, 12:40:35 AM
Antikythera Mechanism riddle solved.

So the Voynich Manuscript ISN'T the user manual?
damn!  that's another $20 down the drain!
**M**

Quote from: trostol on November 14, 2015, 12:20:48 AM
should have never broken up the Ottoman Empire

For that matter, the Cold War turned out to be a stabilizing influence by and large.  Were the old Evil Empire still around, this chaos would never had gone to this level.
**M**

Read "Catastrophe: An Investigation into the Origins of Modern Civilization" by David Keys to find much of the origin of what is now playing out
as well as a crystal clear example of historical cycles repeating now.
**M**

The corollary to the 1930's is terrifyingly accurate, and not just vis-à-vis Spain-Mesopotamia.
Look closer to home, read Milvan Djilas, then hide under the bed.
**M**

Batchelor is circumspect, erudite, thoughtful, and detail oriented.
What a pity he is the last of the Journalists.
**M**

Quote from: FLLFlash on November 13, 2015, 11:37:02 PM
This is tough to say but...

This attack was a major fail as well. The stadium attack was a flop and I rather imagine that was the primary piece.

I'm not disagreeing, but the subtext I was trying to elicit is this:
These jihadis are not particularly well trained or proficient.  They rely on the helplessness of their victims and, as we have repeatedly seen, when confronted with opposition, they fall apart, they are incapable of adapting, improvising and succeeding.  Their indoctrination paints the West as weak, complaint, lazy and pacifistic, lacking in any sense of self-defense and unlikely to put up a fight.  In many ways, this has been born out all over in Europe.  It is a cautionary observation regarding the twisted panties whineratti mentality that is being inculcated into the US population.
**M**     

Quote from: albrecht on November 13, 2015, 11:34:56 PM
They are busy hacking teenage girls phone accounts, small town sheriffs, and, relatively, benign US and European governments, or just going after old people and small businesses with their hacking crytpolocking crap. Heaven forbid they go after cartels, terrorists, dangerous countries, banker criminal launders, etc.

ok AND THAT TOO! LOL!!!
EXCELLENT!
**M**

Quote from: Lt.Uhura on November 13, 2015, 11:32:04 PM
Where's Anonymous?

Busy in their jihad against all enemies of the "Progressive" social engineering diktat.
**M**

The excuse will be that it is better to leave twitter etc. in tact so that "we" can monitor the bad guys because WE have the firepower and fu to magically follow all of this but we are not act on any threat we decipher for fear of the bad guys changing systems.  Its the "enigma" argument vis-à-vis Churchill and Coventry.
Of course, we have only the Powers that Be's assurance of the veracity of any of that proposition...
**M**

France is about the size of Texas.
True, but back in May when Islamic Terrorists decided to attack a cartoon festival here in Texas,
they discovered that we are not sheep to the slaughter.
In tactical terms it was not only an epic FAIL for the terrorists, but also a humiliation.
One good old DPS trooper faced off against an AK armed jihadi with his service pistol and took care of business.
**M**

Schenck v. United States, 249 U.S. 47 (1919)
This argument is already settled by very good law.
**M**