BellGab.com Archive

Quote from: pyewacket on November 22, 2015, 12:20:57 PM
The two main religions, Zoroastrianism and Manichaeism, were influential from east to west in the pre-Islamic period. Elements of which influenced all the developing monotheisms at the time. Manichaeism was even a brief rival of Christianity when they were replacing Paganism.

There was also (among all the other weird religions that have come and gone) the cult of Mithraism. Mithras was always pictured as a man cutting the throat of a bull, and that image was worshipped as a foundation myth across quite a large section of the world at one time. I don't know if it ever really came close to threatening Christianity as a competing religion but it was quite big at one point in time.

OK, here is a possible show topic:

The Walking Dead sucks buffalo balls.

Let's do the same damn thing show after show, and then kill off random characters because it's so unpredictable and exciting. Yeah, it's so unpredictable that it happens every bloody show and it gets boring as hell. "Oh look, another bunch of wandering dead guys I have to stab with a screwdriver! Oh, and someone's grandpa - who I had a very touching scene with a few seconds ago - just had his face chewed off by a dead guy who just came out from behind a tree. And we all know that Glenn is alive FFS!!

And Game Of Thrones is rubbish too!

Quote from: brig on November 22, 2015, 03:14:10 PM
Well now, THAT"S more wonderful that I could have ever hoped 

Oh, here we go! Another one she's flirting with. But does he sound like a fire-breathing dragon? No!

Quote from: GravitySucks on November 22, 2015, 02:32:31 PM
I take it Yorkshire is one of this places with Halal meat markets and restaraunts that reek of curry and body odor.

You are describing the new fragrance "Yorkshire Pud - For Men", by Estee Lauder.

Quote from: GravitySucks on November 22, 2015, 02:28:09 PM
I would like a discussion of the metrics concerning the revenue stream generated by the marathon session between Incorrigible Bitch and Eddie Coyle that almost caused me to blow my own brains out.

Ibby is the champion. That woman has some serious staying power.

Yes, that should have been pay-per-view. I will read some of the juiciest bits out if anyone wants to hear it.

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on November 22, 2015, 02:25:13 PM

Notes? Is that to imply there's some kind of organisation? Seriously?

The peanut gallery is out in force, I see. Not that they have peanuts in Yorkshire because they are worried they attract black people.

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on November 22, 2015, 02:04:27 PM

Clearly, you're sucking on the DWP teat to be able to be up at that time. Some of us have to work in the morning.. As for cold, are you sure it isn't man flu? That can be dangerous and easily passed on through skype.


Note to everyone: Phone sex is as far as it goes with SV these days, and it only happens if he listens in to other people's phone calls. Rumour has it he's a Sun reporter..I can't say for sure.

I don't know what it is. All I know is you gave it to me, and you promised me you'd got yourself checked after last time. When I feel like this I wouldn't sleep anyway, so I might as well spend the time wisely and use it to fight with a few Americans. I spent most of the day in a daze anyway so I guess I shall be all right, although if I nod off after an hour then don't be surprised.

Quote from: HedgehogNorman on November 22, 2015, 01:39:38 PM
We need one more, come on guys and gals, someone step up!

OK, I'll step up. But I am going to have phone sex with at least one of my co-hosts, and I want at least two callers (of either sex) to call in to say that they are touching themselves while I am on. A new one this time, not Chefist again.

It will be horrendously late, I have got a cold, so I want some show topics or I will just read out the dossier of material I have compiled about every single one of you bastards!

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on November 22, 2015, 01:04:24 PM

Who has you blocked?

He has pointy ears.

Quote from: Inglorious Bitch on November 22, 2015, 12:55:09 PM
Question: If someone blocks you from sending a PM, does that mean that they have you on ignore?

I think you can just opt not to receive them. MV did that, I don't whether he still does. Believe me, I have tried blocking you numerous times.

Quote from: brig on November 22, 2015, 12:45:33 PM
Of course, it would ALSO be wonderful if you volunteer to help host the GabCast and do that fantastic fire breathing dragon imitation that I've become so fond of. 

I am a bit worried about Starr being on the same show as a hedgehog. We know her views on squirrels; she might just draw down and blast the poor little devil before he's even had a chance to say anything. I think it would be the first on-air act of criminality since jazmunda was violated by themudking. Although, frankly it was an awesome show!

Quote from: brig on November 22, 2015, 12:40:21 PM
You weren't supposed to tell everyone that we talk SV 

You rarely give me a chance to say "hello" before it's on with the handcuffs and in with the ball gag.

I didn't know what a fluffer was either until Brig told me. She's my personal urban dictionary. Ask her what a Snowball and a Dirty Sanchez are too. She's a mine of information. I don't know where she spends her evenings.

Quote from: GravitySucks on November 22, 2015, 12:24:09 PM
So far it is HedgeHogNorman and StarrMtn. Go for it Cheftist. I still haven't recovered from the beating I took over my show notes.

To be fair, they did come over like a cross between a diary of a madman and a ransom note. But we all enjoyed them immensely.

Quote from: Meister_000 on November 19, 2015, 11:44:04 PM
Hi SV, sorry about the delay. I generally don't like doing things half-assed so I try to give sufficient thought, time, and energy to them -- if I do them at all.

First of all, thanks very much for your long and interesting response, and the book recommendation, which I will make a point of looking into. I can certainly testify to the lack of information most people have about the influence of Islamic culture - I have heard of Averroes, and places like Cordoba and Granada, but my knowledge of them is miniscule. You tend to accept that the beginnings of modern thought began from about the time of Dante, and everything before it was a blank after the collapse of Imperial Rome. Civilisation practically stopped during the Dark Ages, and I have usually heard its survival ascribed to the actions of a few Celts hiding away off the Irish coast, so the role of Islam should probably be better known. I think it would help to create some kind of connection between the two cultures, because at the moment there is no common ground at all, with both sides seeing the other as guilty of barbarism, albeit expressed in differing ways.

If I had to guess, I would say that the growth of militant Islam came about in the same way that the Puritans got a grip of England after the Elizabethan and Jacobean periods. Equally, it reminds me a little of the way that the Reformation followed - and ran parallel to - some of the great achievements of the Italian Renaissance. They might not be exact comparisons, but in each case there was a flowering of intellectual growth and achievement, together with a distinct atmosphere of decadence and corruption. You might get Shakespeare, but you also get the stews, bear-baiting and religious genocide (to name just a few horrors), while a flick through "Il Principe" shows you that - for all of its achievements in the visual arts and humanism - you were basically living through a Renaissance version of the Godfather, with people like Ludovico Sforza and Cesare Borgia doing what they liked and usually getting away with it.

I think we saw this reaction in miniature with the rise of Savonarola in Florence. There comes a time when people take all of the things in their culture for granted and want to throw out the baby with the bathwater and pursue some kind of militant austerity instead. It didn't last very long in his case, but I think most periods in history have seen a giant leap forward slowly being clawed back by people who see intellectual advancement as coterminous with luxury and every conceivable form of villainy. That's where religion usually comes in, because it is the universal bromide when it comes to stopping people advancing  beyond a certain stage of development. You will wish away any kind of achievement or intellectual ambition as long as you have a book of rules on your bedside table that gives you the freedom to not think about anything.

That's why I don't think any kind of diktat is going to work here. Any attempt to impose a solution on people will simply confirm what they already believe. You somehow have to detach the extremist types, who are beyond hope, from those who might still be capable of being saved. Islam seems (from my deep ignorance, admittedly) to be the religion where it is hardest to keep two sets of books. Most religions allow a certain latitude for people when it comes to observance (nobody, unless they are insane, is going to obey all the strictures of the Bible, for example) but Islam wants total surrender and negation.

I don't think it is going to work to tell every Muslim that their faith is shot through with corruption and needs to be junked. But you might have more success in stressing the achievements of Muslim culture (before its decline) while downplaying the fairy stories that surrounded them, and the brutal world they lived in. People don't have any trouble acknowledging the achievements of Latin authors, for example, despite their ludicrous polytheism; or decry Fifth Century Athens for its pederasty and slave culture. Sometimes we are unaware of great figures purely due to accidents of history, in the way that Spaniards say that Lope de Vega was the equal of Shakespeare but is less known due to the decline of the Spanish Empire.

What people like ISIS are opposed to, more than the US or anything else, is independent thought. Bombing people - which is all politicians seem capable of offering us these days - doesn't win any war of ideas. That doesn't mean accepting immoral or criminal behaviour, by the way. It's not an answer that will appeal to many people either because it isn't a panacea - and I am sure it is far from a total solution - but if people don't look beyond the borders of their own culture I don't know where they are going to go.

I have only heard about one book that is addressing these different issues. I haven't read it yet, but it might be of interest to people who want to find some kind of bridge between the two before it is too late.

http://www.amazon.com/Islam-Future-Tolerance-A-Dialogue/dp/0674088700

Considering you lot are almost into Thanksgiving, I thought I'd post something about Martinez's biggest turkey. If this seems like it has more to do with Halloween than Thanksgiving, that's because I wrote a lot of it a while ago but didn't get round to finishing it. It picks up where the previous diary entry left off, and I can promise you a tale of jealousy, greed and black magic. Plus a sex scene, for those of you with stronger stomachs. It's in three parts because it turned out so damn long, and the next one will "drop" in a couple of days, with the shuddering climax to be released on Thursday.

The story so far:

We rejoin our loveable and captivating pair, the documentarian, YouTube commentator and mobile ghetto, George "Slag Heap" Senda, and his adorable paramour, the child-care expert, financial consultant and healthy-eating guru, Kathleen "Sweet Kathy" Frankenstein, at a crucial moment in their relationship. A love-story that was once described in the pages of The National Enquirer as "comprehensively revolting" has struck a rocky patch after a beach picnic turned bad - Sweet Kathy being accidentally abducted by SeaWorld's Sperm Whale Comnmando Unit and forced to mate with Shamu and buddies in a floating aqua brothel. After a mourning period lasting several minutes, George threw himself back into the life of the single man once more with a moving appeal posted on a local Martinez dating site, "SlutBook". Addressed to "All you filthy whores out there", he spoke candidly of his sense of abandonment, while also expressing a preference for the new woman of his dreams to be blessed with "big ass funbags". While describing himself as "built for love", he also disclosed an unexpected talent in the kitchen, inviting the lucky lady to swing on by to his palatial Martinez town house to "have a taste of my German sausage". At the same time, Senda has found himself in financial difficulties: his sponsorship deal with Tide was unexpectedly withdrawn after it was found that his latest t-shirt had been banned under the Geneva Convention.

Meanwhile Sweet Kathy, whose enthusiastic participation in SeaWorld's breeding programme had led to an unusually virulent outbreak of Gay Whale Disease, was made suddenly unemployed after an ill-advised belly flop off the high-diving board created a tsunami that devastated much of Florida. After a spell wandering the streets in search of a living, carrying a placard that said "will work for fish", Sweet Kathy - whose senses and physical strength had been greatly enhanced after a period fighting off marauding barracuda rape-gangs - was finally able to smell her way back to George's apartment, thanks to the signature Senda aroma of ass, genital fungus and oral decay. After a heartfelt reunion of the two lovebirds - Falkie playfully pretending to slam the door in her face while pushing a lot lizard through a nearby window - the two settled down to life together again. Ever the businessman, Senda (who briefly pimped Sweet Kathy out to Martinez's classiest adult establishment - Nasty Jim's Trollop Farm - under the stage name "Mount LoveHump") found that the love of his life had developed into a perfect hunting machine. Despite the occasional hiccup (the mysterious disappearance of several mailmen has never been adequately explained) Sweet Kathy's preference for pursuing squirrels before gutting them with her teeth has allowed George to sell them to low-income families (or, as George  put it, "filthy ni splendid African-Americans") as "Tree Shrimp". 

However, despite this new-found income stream which, to quote the great man, "none of you BellGab PRICKS know about", bitterness and envy has taken hold of his arhythmic heart. A close observer of his videos may have noticed, among the copies of "Turning on Light Switches For Dummies" and "How To Get Rich While Doing Fuck All to Deserve it", books of necromancy and occult literature. A passer-by might have been aware of a weird chanting coming from Casa Senda, and foul (well, fouler than usual) odours. What's  going on?

Now, read on...

Falkie's Diary (cont.)

I was immersed in brain-work this evening (I am putting together a treatment for a remake of "The Men From U.N.C.L.E" based on Sweet Kathy called "The Bitch With C.A.N.K.L.E.S") when I was awoken by the most unearthly tearing sound. I thought the garbage disposal was on the fritz again but it was just Sweet Kathy eating. Although I sell the best bits to those dirty spear chuc hard-working coloured people, I let her dispose of the innards, but she seems to have forgotten that I have arranged a romantic meal for two this evening. It's time for Little George to get his. Yes, she weighs 800 pounds, could kick the ass of a mutant Silverback, and two-thirds of her body is still coated in seaweed, but I've done worse. Although the experience might be a bit like wrestling a dead marlin in a fish market in midsummer, frankly I will overcome any obstacle when it's Senda's sexy time. My first court appearance came about after I tried to romance a length of drainpipe in Home Depot, so anything's possible. It's typical of that slobbering cow, though. I go to great trouble to steal Mexican take-out from a couple of wandering illegal immigrant children, and I come home to find the greedy tart chomping through several pounds of squirrel anus. I tell her to STFU because I'm busy, dammit!

I am tired of being kept down in life. There doesn't seem to be any way for hard-working Americans to get ahead any more. OK, I might be making a few bucks slinging bushy-tailed rats to those fucking blue gu wonderful tribal folk, but I need to get paid before time runs out. My Halloween Horror House idea got barely any visitors at all. It was a faithfully reproduced model of people working in an office doing a 9-5 job. It gives me chills now to even think about it! I have been mulling it over and I know what's going on. There's a reason why, despite spending time and effort painting Sweet Kathy orange, (and, though I rarely mention it, I have a bad knee AND my back hurts) I was unable to sell her off as a Chernobyl Pumpkin. It's all the fault of that so-called producewhore [Redacted]. Behind every setback in my life there is always a jealous slut trying to do ol' Georgie down. It's time to get this one burning in hell just like my mother, the clothes-buying hag!

(to be continued...)

Quote from: Falkie2013 on November 22, 2015, 04:46:34 AM
Has anyone told you lately that you're lower than sewer scum ?
You are.

Coming from someone who is the biggest turd in the sewer, that's one hell of a put-down! And when I say "sewer", I mean that rat-infested compost heap you laughingly call an apartment.

STFU

Quote from: Yorkshire pud on November 21, 2015, 12:53:15 PM

Might be; but more likely total complete bollox.

Alright, stop this shit at once! All of the nifties I have offered to this forum, gratis, and you can't help crowing about your - totally unmerited - top right status. It's bullshit!

Not that I give a damn, cos I don't!

Quote from: MichaelHorn on November 19, 2015, 09:29:15 AM
The people were warned...and di they listen?

We have been through this. Your buddy just throws shit out like some low-rent Bible thumper. Very occasionally (thanks to their utter vagueness and the imbecility of his target audience) these fatuously scattershot predictions are seen as coming halfway true, and we are supposed to forget all those other times when he booted it right over the fucking crossbar. You annoyed a lot of people on here by - instead of keeping your trap shut at a time of tragedy - attempting to promote your little snuggle-buddy.

You deliberately avoided my question the other day, which eloquently showed how full of shit you are. Meier first made those predictions during the war in Algeria at a time when Islamism was on the upsurge, and his subsequent pronouncements came, for example, when Iran and the Ayatollah Khomeini was in the news. Anyone could have done that. Meier didn't reference any specific terror groups, it was all just shit he saw on the news and you fools fall for it.

Quote from: VtaGeezer on November 19, 2015, 10:28:24 AM
Since he's relatively coherent, he's got to know this forum is about the last f'ing place on Earth to emote on one's personal life.  So I'm in the sick-ass hoax column.

I don't know, and neither do you. Coherence has nothing to do with it. Even if he isn't genuine, I am sure there are many people who are/were in that position and could do with some reassurance. Someone coming on here saying that stuff could very well mean that that they are genuine, because it's not something someone in their right mind would do. I can imagine someone blindly reaching out hoping that there will be a person who can understand. There is no reason to think that suicides follow a textbook.

Quote from: NefariousBanana on November 19, 2015, 09:58:07 AM
I don’t see any way out.

I don't know if you are genuine or not, of course. But, even if you are not, there is a chance that other people may feel similar, so I will give my thoughts anyway.

If you are writing a long post like this then you obviously haven't made up your mind and are waiting to see what sort of response you will get. Suicide makes a lot of people angry because they think you are weak and a loser for opting out of the struggle. I don't, but you have got to stop looking for a way out and face your problems head on. By shying away from them and looking for easy solutions you are merely giving them more power to hurt you than they deserve. Don't forget that as long as you are able to articulate the feelings you have, you are in a much better position than all of those who gave up and can't speak or feel any more. Remember Edgar in King Lear:

'The worst is not
So long as we can say “This is the worst.” '

My advice right now is to stop and think for a while, because there is a part of you that doesn't want to die, and any attempt to off yourself will probably be half-hearted and fail, leaving you severely, if not permanently weakened. So don't take a bunch of pills, for example - you will only end up ruining your kidneys - and there are many other ways that might seem like a sure bet right now, but are more likely to leave you disabled rather than dead. Think of the pain that you might be doing to yourself and reconsider.

Who said that life has to full of joy and laughter anyway? When you go through bad times, and once you reach the other side, you realise that there was a reason for it, and you start to feel proud that you made it through. Throwing up the game right now denies you that opportunity. It might feel as though you are in a tunnel and it is all closing in, but these feelings will lose their sting after a while, and you will find some clarity again to deal with the things that are torturing you.

I can't get inside your head and tell you that things are going to be alright. It may be a long, hard road for you. But opting out right now is not the answer. It cuts short all the possibilities that life may have for you. Can you honestly tell yourself that in six months time you really won't be in a better position? You can't. You are bottoming out right now, and if you can hold yourself together things will start to pick up. It will be slow, but it will turn around.

You are incredibly young to toss your life away. Suicidal thoughts are good sometimes because they give us a release valve. If we can say "fuck it, I've had enough" and remember that there is always the option to give it all away, paradoxically it makes us feel better and we can go on again. I hope that is what is going on with you.

Don't let the destructive part of you give it all up. You have a long life ahead of you, but remember that it can often be hard, but it is all part of the experience, and you should allow yourself to be open to it.

Best wishes.

Quote from: coaster on November 18, 2015, 04:57:45 PM
I think of this thread as the bathroom of bellgab, and the trolls as diarrhea.

Thus making you the piece of crusty shit adhering to the rim after a particularly violent Indian meal that, no matter how violently pissed on, stubbornly refuses to dislodge itself. 

Quote from: SciFiAuthor on November 18, 2015, 04:28:42 PM
I think he was still on the left, or at least considered himself so, but became more pragmatic and questioning of the left's standard positions. It's actually really odd, if you look at people like Wolfowitz their ideology, the infamous neoconservatism, isn't very right wing in its origins and arose over a perceived failure of liberalism itself. Maybe that's where Hitchens' thinking was heading. He may have come to believe that the left could not effectively counter the threat of religious-motivated terrorism. Hard to say.

But then again, never trust an author. They're a shifty bunch.

There is certainly a tendency to hedge questions about religious violence on the left, instead of simply saying "this is bullshit". I think his views were shaped by the Satanic Verses fatwa on his friend Salman Rushdie, where Rushdie was hung out to dry for simply writing a book that offended Muslims, most of whom never read a word of it. There's a real sense of loss when you hear former colleagues talk about Hitchens, as though he died to them many years before he died in fact.

Quote from: albrecht on November 18, 2015, 04:07:16 PM
I agree but they should be not receiving any public funds if they have a political slant or bias (like the BBC, NPR, PBS, etc) or take money in the form of commercials from the government (so-called "public service" announcements.)

People over here will always claim that the BBC has a left-wing bias. It's almost impossible to present news without opening yourself up to that kind of charge because people are too often irrational about emotional topics and hear what they want to hear. In times of war, for example, what is measured and judicious reporting can be seen as insufficiently patriotic and therefore biased. What people mean when they accuse an organisation of bias is not having the same view as them and reacting against it.

Quote from: chefist on November 18, 2015, 03:51:51 PM
I'll take that challenge on the article...

http://www.salon.com/2013/10/23/does_the_bible_sanction_child_abuse_partner/

I said find me an article that demonises Christianity in the way that people want to demonise Islam. All it did was point out a lot of stuff that is shocking about the way children are treated in the Bible and saying that it shouldn't be looked at as a perfect exemplar for how to live our lives. Which sounds fair enough, and the sort of thing people ought to do about Islam. There always seems a tendency to play the victim with this sort of stuff that never quite holds up to scrutiny.

Quote from: chefist on November 18, 2015, 03:51:51 PM
Have op eds for both points of view...not just one...

Maybe it's a cultural thing, but in the UK I expect the newspapers to have a political slant. CNN can be totally biased towards a left-wing point of view, if it wants, I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing. If people don't like it they can go watch something else. Your demand for equal time smacks of some commie BS to me. Is this Amurriker? You seem to be all for free enterprise when it suits you.

Quote from: SciFiAuthor on November 18, 2015, 03:14:42 PM
It does occasionally happen. I remember Hitchens was after Islam before he died and was calling out others on the left to condemn it too because, well, it's a religion after all and currently the most violent and counterproductive one. I think their general reluctance to condemn just comes from a desire to be contrarian within the context of the old outdated left-right spectrum we're still unfortunately saddled with.

It depends on whether you consider Hitchens as being of the left in his final years. The left certainly saw him as an apostate, and he was very chummy with people life Wolfowitz and was very keen on the War on Terror. His brother Peter, very right-wing, was very anti-war. It gets very confusing when you see all of this as a right-left thing.

Quote from: chefist on November 18, 2015, 03:37:47 PM
When is ever a good time? All 3 op eds on CNN, notoriously left, were pro Islam and pro refugee acceptance.

I don't remember a single lefty article or op ed defend Christianity when abortion clinics were bombed.

If you have one I'd live to see it.

I agree with Sci Fi...its just simple contrarian politics...

Oh, come on!!!  :

You know bloody well that they were carried out by extremists, just as these attacks in Paris were. Try and find me an article that condemns Christianity outright as entirely a bunch of vengeful fanatics and you will have a better case. I am sure these op-eds of yours were just taking a measured approach. Would you rather they advocate mass lynchings? We can pick apart all religions and find unpleasant things in them. I speak as someone who isn't religious and would be quite happy for it all to go away. Do you not see how silly that comparison is?

Don't get sucked into all this left-right stuff. It clouds your judgement.

Quote from: SciFiAuthor on November 18, 2015, 02:32:44 PM
I'd say yes, except they are chanting Allahu Akbar. This is Turkey we're talking about, I could see them yelling "Go back to Greece you dick sucking twats" but an Arabic religious phrase? Add that with what's been going on in Turkish politics over the last decade with a seemingly increasing desire to move away from Ataturk's secularism and increasing tension between more liberal areas of Turkey like Istanbul and the more conservative types that seem to be in control in Ankara. I find it all a little uncomfortable.

I didn't know they were playing Greece. They hate each other because of Cyprus, so it just makes it even more likely in my opinion that they were being deliberately provocative in the style of football fans across the world. Dutch domestic teams try and piss off rival clubs who have large Jewish followings, for example, by making hissing noises to simulate the gas chambers, so these bastards are capable of anything. Don't expect shrewd political discussion from these troglodytes. They will say or do anything to be as intimidating as possible, especially to the Greeks. To me, it's a bunch of morons in the wake of a tragic event trying to piss off another bunch of people by asserting their Muslim identity. I don't suppose they were thinking much about the great days of the Ottoman Empire and the Sublime Porte but it could just be possible, I suppose.

Quote from: chefist on November 18, 2015, 02:17:11 PM
They may have just been trolling. Though honestly, I never see those on the left defending other religions as they do Islam.  Why is that?

That's a big generalisation. I am sure you could adduce examples that support you, just as I could find ones that prove the opposite. I think it's silly and counter-productive to pin the attacks on a religion right now, even if there happens to be merit in the argument. Islam exists and we have to live with it, whether we like it or not. You can't smoke 'em all out and kill 'em, even if you wanted to. Telling a large group of people that their beliefs are wicked and evil is not going to help, however true it might be. It will take a lot longer to make an impact, but politicians never think beyond the next headline and so bombing is a panacea for them.