BellGab.com Archive

Have I created a monster?

Perhaps.

But these gutted little treats need to be revealed for what they are:

A collective cookie consciousness.

(Revealed via haruspicy.)

Quote from: Dr. MD MD on March 27, 2020, 06:03:58 PM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zBoLMFl0jLY

Influences: The Shadows? Cliff Richards?! Ha! Holy fuck!

Thanks for posting this.

Quote from: pate on July 19, 2020, 10:08:48 PM
Any attempted read of a Stephen King work at this point in my life is formulaic and dull.  Much respekt, but anymore it seems more like work than moar inJOYmint.

I feel your pain, disdain, and brain.

I'm about halfway thru this four-story collection. The third story - which I'm about to start on - is the title track. Will post again if/when it specifically states WE CAN KILL IT.

Quote from: Jackrabbit on July 19, 2020, 04:24:11 PM
I call dibs on BREASTS.

That reminds me. MV was considering another name change for the site:

BELLGABREASTS.COM

"Technically, there should be two Bs in front of the R, but I find that aesthetically distressing. I won't do it!" MV was heard to scream into his mobile phone before he ran his rusty brown death's head-shaped pickup truck off the side of a winding mountain road in the Ozarks this past Saturday after a five day drinking binge. Some say it was an accident, some say the constant mobile updates of charges to his bank account via a Panero Bread portal, drove him, literally, off the road. Either way, that's one hell of a fortune cookie.

He leaves behind a wife, two children, a dog, and twenty-three cats.

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made on bellgab.com. Curtis Thornton is at the helm of battleship bellgab and is keeping it copacetic.

"YOU HAVE A KEEN SENSE OF HUMOR AND BRING OUT THE BEST IN OTHERS"

Thank you, Panda Express. Tell me something I don't already know. And many would argue "BEAST."

No lucky lotto numbers?

Kind of a gyp.

The Satellite Of Love is caught like a bone-white Cracker Jack trinket in a purple snow cone.

The Susan Hart barrier - along with a few mini black holes - proved impenetrable.

The SOL is Shit Outta Luck, and will drift eternal in this limbotic Mauve Zone.

It is an unfortunate culmination of events, despite the best efforts by Shout! Factory.

Sadness.

Quote from: Uncle Duke on July 19, 2020, 06:00:15 AM
  Tonight our cub commentator will tell us again how wonderful I am.  Mike it's all yours."

Play, Cubby, play!

04) IF IT BLEEDS by Stephen King

Wow! My next question WAS going to be "Does CROCS Hell exist?"

Clearly it does. And Whoozit is residing there.

I can almost hear the damnable, cavernous soundtrack: Weird Al Yankovic parodying Dolly Parton's "Coat of Many Colors" into "CROCS of Many Colors."

Up to now, I only theorized about the existence of a pair of fire engine red CROCS with pronounced cloven soles/souls. (Kinda like the soles of the Ninja sandals I saw in Chuck Norris's THE OCTAGON.)

Now I know.

That Mephistophelean pair exists! The CROCS logo strap studs are made of burnished brass that face in four directions at once, forever barring entry past Eden's gate! They walk the dog for all eternity.

Abandon
All
Hope

Quote from: Jojo on July 18, 2020, 03:04:08 AM
How 'bout this horror movie of a talk show.  same callers... no depth...

If we could fit blood squibs onto those repeat callers...

Quote from: Jackrabbit on July 17, 2020, 08:58:35 PM
50,000,000,000 Fremen phantasms reporting for duty. Won't be long. I'm told, just as soon as they're done arguing about which one gets to be Paul.

Another high quality post. Brought to you by Melange, LLC.

For the record, I'm pro horror movie.

Obviously. Look at my hair.

But some topics don't fly, even as podcasts. Let alone a large radio platform like Injun Joe Noory helms.

Noory is Injun Joe.

We are Tom & Becky.

That fucker's sole goal is to murder us by proxy.

Proof? You want proof?

The cave from which he sometimes broadcasts his special seeds of destruction.

In a previous incarnation, Injun Joe George died in a cave, eating bats and stabbing his knife against a locked door.

Now, he broadcasts with a knife. From a cave.

OBSESSED with getting that son of a bitch Tom Sawyer.

Where was I?

Horror movies. Love'em.

Talk shows TALKING about horror movies.

Meh.

Regarding Jul 17 2020 Friday's show.

Hmmm.

Hey, how about that British astronomer/author/musician David Darling on Thursday's show, who lives in Scotland? Interesting cat, that guest.

03) Widow's Point by Richard Chizmar & Billy Chizmar

Glad I listened to the Darling interview, because I learned of the math books trilogy he wrote with Agnijo Banerjee.

I WILL be checking those out.

But it was a motherfucking blue streaked bitch to listen to George.

When Noory asked Darling about Mel Gibson's Braveheart, I felt my right amygdala click forcibly backward to murderous mode. Son of a BITCH.

WTF? Because Darling lives in Scotland?!?!

God ALMIGHTY, Noory.

You're TRYING to kill us.

David Darling would be a good guest for George Knapp.

Crocs. Relaxing footwear or satanic abominations?

Does the color make a measurable difference in perception by the public at large?

This is nerdy "graphite," for that special hacker's upcoming birthday.

"Remember, folks. 'Great Radio' is my middle name! Just ask Tommy 'Kiss Up' Danheiser!" - George Noory

(On the other hand, I kind of like the geezer commercial that sells the teeter fit spine inversion thing. Until he makes that little jump in the air and you think he is going to break his own fit spine.)

Quote from: Liberace! on July 15, 2020, 08:41:43 PM
Our next live show will be Friday, July 17th at 8:30PM East, 5:30PM West.

Possible micro topic: the sometimes creepy actors in Consumer Cellular commercials. Do they believe themselves to be hip/sick/cool? I notice they walk funny. Not so cool when you're sick with a hip fracture, is it? I didn't think so.

 

Quote from: Juan on July 15, 2020, 04:22:12 PM
Oh boy.  Second half guest is a natural intuitive.

I wonder if she will be able to intuit, that in his own special way, Noory is hitting on her?

Quote from: Jackrabbit on July 14, 2020, 08:26:53 PM
[attachment=1,msg1405084]

Well dip me in fractal mustard and call me Mandelbratwurst.

Initially, I expected I AM PROVIDENCE to be etched onto that Tim Burton tentacle.

Since I enjoy listening to Mitch Horowitz, but cringe at Noory's "method," this interview is going to be like taking a Rolls - Royce Silver Ghost to a Midas Muffler shop at 1011 Union Street, Bangor, ME 04401.

Once again I listened to  Tommy & George awkwardly claiming the tickets to George's September live show are selling soooooo quickly

Even if the September  shindig isn't canceled, it sounds kinda dull, "duzzinit"?

"Izzinit?"

"Ah-HAH!"

"Interesting take."

"Tommy get his number."

"Hey, Corny."

"It's happening everywhere , izzinit?"

"Lauren. Our internet expert."

From Camazotz to Camazotz Automat

Slightly disoriented since I shuffled in. Need to define my location in time & space. The relative speed of an automat is equal to the volume of pie squared through windowed stainless steel doors.

Quote from: Jojo on July 14, 2020, 02:39:32 AM
Good one.

👍

But now I am SO hungry.

Quote from: ItsOver on July 14, 2020, 02:30:05 AM
Jorch talking about the sign of the beef... err beast.  ;D

Does that come with the Four Horsey Men of the Apocalypse sauce?

Quote from: albrecht on July 13, 2020, 04:02:07 PM
Pessoa also had correspondence with Crowley and Crowley visited and helped him fake his suicide at the "Mouth of Hell" (interesting rock formation on the coast outside of Lisbon near resort town of Cascais.) He also translated people like Blavatsky etc into Portuguese and was into all kinds of esoterica, secret societies, and such.

Now you've gone and done it. Now I HAVE to check it out.

Oh, I was planning to do so. At my leisure.

But this digital serpent albrecht has essentially  removed any exercise of freewill.

And Cam saw the fruit juice box was good.

And he pierced the plastic coated foil lining with a barbed straw.

And he did drink.

Hello,

My name is Camazotz Automat and I'm an ellipsisholic.

"Hi, Cam "
"Hello, Cam."
"Fuck off, Cambalina."



Wow. I wanted an answer but Jackrabbi gave me a lengthy dissertation.

I can dig it.

Color me impressed. Very.

Besides, I ASKED for it.

So now I am pretty much caught up on the mysterious hellgab.

It was imperative I get all that straightened out and the table cleared before the next Spec Sheet comes roaring down the pike in 2022.

However, I believe I FAILED in my attempt to evoke a violent voice box removal image. I'm certain of it.

Oh, sure, I gave a significant hint when referencing G I JOE'S Kung fu grip, but I  should have at LEAST mentioned the pull string that activates the voice box of any chest-speakered Adventure Team leader.

Yes. I got so excited in my Holden Caulfield frenzied response that it almost seemed like I was describing the removal of bloody vocal cords instead of  deconstructing a vintage toy.

I apologize for the horrific imagery.

I understand your desire for complete transparency in bellgab missives.

However, some of the steamy exchanges between LoneVoice and myself were not acceptable for public bellgab consumption.

(pause)

That's a lie. I don't even know why I said that. The truth is that our private exchanges contained messages of mutual respect and so many mystical puns that it would make a Jitterbug author jealous.

That's another lie.

I guess I just got used to the method, then wondered WHAT COULD HAVE HAPPENED to make MV say "fuck it."

I think he should remove all avatars for a month and see if someone puts a contract out on him.

"You can't take away my avatar! That's part of my identity, man. Why the HELL are you destroying my freedom of speech, man?"

As you were.

Quote from: Jackrabbit on July 13, 2020, 04:08:16 AM
It sounds like one of those books that absorbs one's soul, like Twilight. Check into that and get back to us, would you please?


I've been thinking about this and little else for days. It's probably just a coincidence, although I have been hearing a lot lately about brand new reasons that I had never thought of before for a person to kill themselves.

Dear Banana Fish:

It's like watching you gnaw off your leg to escape a certain steel trap with which you are intimately familiar.

(You've got a mind like a ...)

Now, are YOU the cunting reason MV removed the personal message option? WTF is up with that? I can't send you private letters from White Chapel. Were you sending MV and others too many observations from Jack Caverns? No. It has to be something else. Something more  SUBSTANTIVE than pseudointellectual "flow of consciousness" random dart throwing on an obsolete message system. But WHAT? Some kind of BIG SHEOLGAB DRAMA I missed, I suppose.  Seriously. I want to know what happened. But without all the whiney bitch details that can cause such options to disappear.

Send me a PM.

Oh, wait.

Goddamn it.

I've not read Twilight, but I don't see it orbiting as majestically as the planet albrecht recommended. Of course, you KNOW this. You're just being an interrupting dick because of the aforementioned steel trap you can't escape. I get it. Mostly. But your father(?) certainly doesn't. In real life, I might last ten minutes around you before ripping that voice box out with my Kung Fu grip. You're a lucky, misunderstood son of a bitch in that aspect. Distance is your savior.

Back to the missing  PM option. Is it tied to a feud with Ellgab? I'm seriously asking you, so don't shirk your duty and avoid an answer like some faggot politician. Is ellgab still a thing?  Is ellgab the "nice" one and this is the "mean baby" site? Are you the self appointed king mean baby?

This might take ten gabcasts to provide  clarity, but I doubt MV has the stamina to deal with 4k refresh/rendering rates AND this.

Speaking of points mentioned on the Spec Sheet, I wonder if he recalls my advising him of his upcoming sense of time compression? Afterall, it seems like just last month when I told him that time was about to inexorably haul ass ....

But it has  been a few years. He may not remember.

Voice box. Ripped. Out. Contemplation of physical violence.

Dead mean baby.

Peace & unicorns.

P.S.

I was not even aware of this change from star into rabbit, for fuck's sake.