Art Bell Quits Dark Matter

[maureen]

Now you're being silly; deliberately mis-spelling wrods!

..if we have the wits, why ont?

[guildnavigator]

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

To go off in this sense is related to the expression to set off, meaning to start or to be started. It implies that the subject was in a state of rest, then moved off from that state into action. The phrasal verb to go on already has the meaning of to continue

If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

Jim Carey Sucks.com

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

They will dispatch another unit and tend to the most pressing issue?

Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?

It originally used grape sugar and had a nutty flavor. Trade commission protects the naming.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

"Blue Tail Fly," "De Blue Tail Fly," or "Jimmy Crack Corn" is thought to be a blackface minstrel song, first performed in the United States in the 1840s. It remains a popular children's song today.

Over the years, many lyrical variants have appeared, but the basic narrative remains intact. On the surface, the song is a black slave's lament over his white master's death. The song, however, has a subtext of rejoicing over that death, and possibly having contributed to it by deliberate negligence. Most versions at least nod to idiomatic African English, though sanitized, Standard English versions now predominate.

Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?

You don't stop and eat, that would be a drive-in, you have to drive through. Or I'll get pissed and honk.

Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?

So you buy more. Also, it's the law in most states that all food products, including water, must have an expiration date.

Why are Softballs hard?

Compare one to a baseball.

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

There is usually a feature length and a total runtime.

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

He had no skills in boatbuilding, was 1000 miles away from civilization, and an amateur repair would have been too risky. He did try many times to fix the boat.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Feel free to start the trend.

Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.

It puts out power, it doesn't take anything "in" from your appliances.

Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?

Scrub your feet and then your face? No.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Because Walt Disney was a satanic trickster.

Can blind people see their dreams?

Not if blind by birth, they hear their dreams.

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
Marketing.

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

Fixes the problem of your dog having to pay child support.

Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?

Taking the dump you're carrying and releasing it.

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

It doesn't have to!

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

They could use an old one with aids and hepatitis on it, but what if the guy administering it gets poked?

Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?

Because the dumb cows filtering into the place will steal the stupid pens before the first hour is up.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Often, yes!

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
To dry off!!

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

Sounds like a personal problem.

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

The color was named after the fruit. In 1512. Look it up.

If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

Falkie will kick you and feed the cat a snack.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

It's the lead density, silly.

What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?

Pissed.

Where's the egg in an egg roll?

They are dipped in an egg wash before frying.

Why aren't blue berries blue?

They are!! I'm partially colorblind and I can see that.

Where is the lead in a lead pencil?

In 1565 there was a huge graphite deposit found in England. They realized it was perfect for marking sheep and could be cut into small pieces easily. Chemistry was not well developed yet and they thought that they had found a form of lead. It was graphite. People still say lead though.


Why is Greenland called green when it is covered in ice?

It was the early Scandinavian settlers who gave the country the name Greenland. In the Icelandic sagas, it is said that the Norwegian-born Icelander Erik the Red was exiled from Iceland for murder. Along with his extended family and his thralls, he set out in ships to explore icy land known to lie to the northwest. After finding a habitable area and settling there, he named it GrÅ"nland (translated as "Greenland"), supposedly in the hope that the pleasant name would attract settlers.

The name of the country in Greenlandic (Kalaallisut) is Kalaallit Nunaat ("land of the Kalaallit"). The Kalaallit are the indigenous Greenlandic Inuit people who inhabit the country's western region.

[Yorkshire pud]

I'm convinced that Falkie lives in room 42 and has a pet mouse (white); his hanging blanket is a time-displaced remnant of the Vogon war; his posts are variants of Vogon poetry; and his girlfriend is about to pick up the phone in a local pub to tell someone the answer to the universe and everything.  It's exciting, but don't panic.

No-one expects the Spanish inquisition...Erm, I mean Hitch hikers..

''Deep Thought''

[maureen]

...besides, it's Silly Sunday!!

[SixWeekTenure(tm)]

Or, "Art Bell is planning to quit Dark Matter Network"

Place your bets, folks, over/under six weeks from midnight 01 September 2015.

[guildnavigator]

I remember that was shown on UK news when it came out in the US.. Clinton era wasn't it? I know someone who was involved in the outline of the video, she lives in GA.

Anti-Drug Frying Pan Smash PSA - Rachel Leigh Cook

Wow, I forgot about that one with the smashing plates. That was a little later than the first one I remember, the original was just an adult male cooking eggs and saying they were fried like a drugged brain.

[ZHero]

Question: What happens when you combine Pizza Punch with pizza rolls?

Answer;  It insults your intelligence, burns the s*** out of your mouth,
but it QUITS after a few weeks!   :

[maureen]

Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on?

To go off in this sense is related to the expression to set off, meaning to start or to be started. It implies that the subject was in a state of rest, then moved off from that state into action. The phrasal verb to go on already has the meaning of to continue

If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit?

Jim Carey Sucks.com

If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

They will dispatch another unit and tend to the most pressing issue?

Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts?

It originally used grape sugar and had a nutty flavor. Trade commission protects the naming.

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

"Blue Tail Fly," "De Blue Tail Fly," or "Jimmy Crack Corn" is thought to be a blackface minstrel song, first performed in the United States in the 1840s. It remains a popular children's song today.

Over the years, many lyrical variants have appeared, but the basic narrative remains intact. On the surface, the song is a black slave's lament over his white master's death. The song, however, has a subtext of rejoicing over that death, and possibly having contributed to it by deliberate negligence. Most versions at least nod to idiomatic African English, though sanitized, Standard English versions now predominate.

Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop?

You don't stop and eat, that would be a drive-in, you have to drive through. Or I'll get pissed and honk.

Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year?

So you buy more. Also, it's the law in most states that all food products, including water, must have an expiration date.

Why are Softballs hard?

Compare one to a baseball.

Do the minutes on the movie boxes include the previews, credits, and special features, or just the movie itself?

There is usually a feature length and a total runtime.

If the professor on Giligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

He had no skills in boatbuilding, was 1000 miles away from civilization, and an amateur repair would have been too risky. He did try many times to fix the boat.

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Feel free to start the trend.

Why is an electrical outlet called an outlet when you plug things into it? Shouldn't it be called an inlet.

It puts out power, it doesn't take anything "in" from your appliances.

Why do we scrub Down and wash Up?

Scrub your feet and then your face? No.

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Because Walt Disney was a satanic trickster.

Can blind people see their dreams?

Not if blind by birth, they hear their dreams.

Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?
Marketing.

Why do they call it "getting your dog fixed" if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?

Fixes the problem of your dog having to pay child support.

Why do they call it taking a dump? Shouldn't it be leaving a dump?

Taking the dump you're carrying and releasing it.

Where in the nursery rhyme does it say humpty dumpty is an egg?

It doesn't have to!

Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?

They could use an old one with aids and hepatitis on it, but what if the guy administering it gets poked?

Why do banks leave the door wide open but the pens chained to the counter?

Because the dumb cows filtering into the place will steal the stupid pens before the first hour is up.

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Often, yes!

Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
To dry off!!

How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

Sounds like a personal problem.

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

The color was named after the fruit. In 1512. Look it up.

If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

Falkie will kick you and feed the cat a snack.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why's it still #2?

It's the lead density, silly.

What color would a smurf turn if you choked it?

Pissed.

Where's the egg in an egg roll?

They are dipped in an egg wash before frying.

Why aren't blue berries blue?

They are!! I'm partially colorblind and I can see that.

Where is the lead in a lead pencil?

In 1565 there was a huge graphite deposit found in England. They realized it was perfect for marking sheep and could be cut into small pieces easily. Chemistry was not well developed yet and they thought that they had found a form of lead. It was graphite. People still say lead though.


Why is Greenland called green when it is covered in ice?

It was the early Scandinavian settlers who gave the country the name Greenland. In the Icelandic sagas, it is said that the Norwegian-born Icelander Erik the Red was exiled from Iceland for murder. Along with his extended family and his thralls, he set out in ships to explore icy land known to lie to the northwest. After finding a habitable area and settling there, he named it GrÅ"nland (translated as "Greenland"), supposedly in the hope that the pleasant name would attract settlers.

The name of the country in Greenlandic (Kalaallisut) is Kalaallit Nunaat ("land of the Kalaallit"). The Kalaallit are the indigenous Greenlandic Inuit people who inhabit the country's western region.

... brilliant answers to Tarmac's very funny questions!! thanks for the giggle, guys!!

[Marc.Knight]

No-one expects the Spanish inquisition...Erm, I mean Hitch hikers..

''Deep Thought''

That's falking funny.

[Yorkshire pud]

That's falking funny.

Douglas Adams was a genius; passed away far too soon.

[jerry]

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition

[Yorkshire pud]

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition

Brilliant!! TY for finding that! 

[Yorkshire pud]

Class war? What class war?




Monty Python - Northern Playwright

[jerry]

Brilliant!! TY for finding that! 

Monty Python - Spanish Inquisition Torture Scene

[maureen]

No one expects the Spanish Inquisition

as always, flippin' hilarious!!    thanks!

[maureen]

Class war? What class war?




Monty Python - Northern Playwright

thanks! you're bloody marvellous!..haven´t seen that in years! 

[Yorkshire pud]

thanks! you're bloody marvellous!..haven´t seen that in years! 

Yeah, I am aren't I?

[Yorkshire pud]

 Quidquid latine dictum, altum videtur... don't you find?



Life of Brian - ROMANES EUNT DOMUS

[Falkie2013]

I appreciate Falkie, his posts and videos. I always get good laugh from his efforts.

Speaking of crows, I got a new word from dictionary.com today.

pilcrow - a paragraph mark.
they send me a new word every day and many of them are ones I've never heard of.
I never knew the designator for marking a paragraph had a name though i'd used it for years in documents and in the ancient days of typesetting steel type when we printed on a gutenberg press.



[attachment deleted by admin]

[maureen]

any suggestions for a modern application for a tungsten drill bit?

[Falkie2013]

any suggestions for a modern application for a tungsten drill bit?

I'm not even going to try to answer that one. I KNOW I'd get flamed.

[maureen]

Speaking of crows, I got a new word from dictionary.com today.

pilcrow - a paragraph mark.
they send me a new word every day and many of them are ones I've never heard of.
I never knew the designator for marking a paragraph had a name though i'd used it for years in documents and in the ancient days of typesetting steel type when we printed on a gutenberg press.

nice! It only takes one white pilcrow to teach one to paragraph at 19.5!

[Yorkshire pud]

Speaking of crows, I got a new word from dictionary.com today.

pilcrow - a paragraph mark.
they send me a new word every day and many of them are ones I've never heard of.
I never knew the designator for marking a paragraph had a name though i'd used it for years in documents and in the ancient days of typesetting steel type when we printed on a gutenberg press.

Only steel type wasn't used...lead type was (with antimony added) . And Guttenberg presses were superceded long before you'd be using presses. I only know because I've been in the printing industry almost all my working life. Steel isn't used for imagine reproduction in litho, letterpress or screenprinting, however it is used in pad printing...


So exactly what do you mean by 'we printed'?

[Yorkshire pud]

any suggestions for a modern application for a tungsten drill bit?

Oil exploration? Tunnel boring? Steel bits..for power tools.

[Marc.Knight]

Only steel type wasn't used...lead type was (with antimony added) . And Guttenberg presses were superceded long before you'd be using presses. I only know because I've been in the printing industry almost all my working life. Steel isn't used for imagine reproduction in litho, letterpress or screenprinting, however it is used in pad printing...


So exactly what do you mean by 'we printed'?

It's a time displacement thing.  Follow the towel.

[Yorkshire pud]

It's a time displacement thing.  Follow the towel.

Only one use for trowels is digging holes, and another th....

Oh, you said towel? Oh...I've never displaced a time in my life; how dare you imply I would. It's dirty, probably illegal and almost certainly immoral.

[Marc.Knight]

one white crow doesn't happen to always add up and be 19.5, usually sometimes .

You're merging them very well.

[attachimg=1]

[Marc.Knight]

Only one use for trowels is digging holes, and another th....

Oh, you said towel? Oh...I've never displaced a time in my life; how dare you imply I would. It's dirty, probably illegal and almost certainly immoral.

and deliciously evil. 

[maureen]

Now, where did I put that 19:50?

[Marc.Knight]

Now, where did I put that 19:50?

Isn't there a song like this?  19.5, 19.5, 19.5,.....