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i can no longer be attracted to neither men nor women

Started by gnooryblows, December 30, 2017, 03:05:07 AM

gnooryblows

only my long lost love, whom my heart and soul still burn for. once upon a time, gnooryblows was a strapping young man, what you would today call a "chad", full of promise and talent and vigor and zest for life, and even optimism, or at least a steadfast determination to make something positive out of the world. a man with a job, a small business in his spare time which was growing, and an education, rather than a man who rummages through trash for goods to sell and eats small animals in the woods. before the turning point in my life where my soul was crushed, ripped from my body and stomped out before my very eyes. this cruel, heartless bitch of a world took my one true love from me. i shall never forgive it. i shall not rest until i somehow manage to have my revenge upon its very soul.

afterwards, i tried to pick up the pieces. to go back on with my life. to be "normal". i went with other women. i humped them sometimes, but i found no joy in it. every time i did i only thought of my one true love, mercilessly taken from me in the prime of our lives. eventually i stopped altogether and resigned myself to the acceptance that there was simply no one else for me. and thus, i slowly became the satanic monk that you see before you today. the one who plagues your message board like flies in the ointment, just as a plague the offline world around me.

in time, i pledged my soul to satan for his aid in helping me destroy everything upon this earth, but especially the corruption and manipulations which led to her downfall and enslavement and ultimate fate. not because i resent those that are happy, but because i have seen how this universe reaches out to deliberately crush all forms of happiness, and i have seen first hand the sneaky and manipulative ways in which it does this. we live in misery and fear and a state of constant uncertainty about our future. and when we find one thing that finally makes us happy, the universe whips out its mighty and powerful dick and mushrooms stamps you across the face with it. it takes whatever decency and love you have found, just to watch you be broken at its powerful feet.

tonight though, i simply feel sad as my soul aches, as it sometimes still does, for what could have once been and how perfect and beautiful it would have been. i grieve for her and for my unborn children whom now i shall never know. even as a masturbate, i can only do so thinking of the dead. in a decade, i have seen not a single other woman or man or animal or space alien or anything else to whom i felt any other sort of attraction.

gnooryblows

all day every day, after a decade, all i do is try to think of her. to imagine the life we could have had. to imagine what we would be doing today, and remember the things we did so long ago. it is the only thing which brings me any solace or comfort, but always it is accompanied by the deepest pain and emptiness as well.

gnooryblows

it has been more than 6 years now since i have been with a woman, and i am still a young man by most accounts. i am only 32, and i am an attractive man too, with no problem just "going out and getting laid".

gnooryblows

i made a post here long ago that nobody replied to. it said "a perfect moment can ruin the rest of your life" or something like that. it is the truth. feeling one perfect moment will forever make you realize that your life is unfulfilling and not worth it. and when that moment is ripped away from you, you will never be the same. when they say "better to have loved and lost", that is total utter horseshit. the opposite is true.


gnooryblows

like 5 or 6 years ago i went to a party and a woman there tried to fornicate with me. so i went to her bedroom and i began to undress and i just felt the deepest sadness in my soul. so i told her i had to run out to my car to get condoms or something and then i just never came back in. since then i never even tried going out to any social events or anything anymore. now i just rummage through trash for wares to sell, and i eat animals in the woods, and do antisocial satanist things all by myself. i have never in the past 10 years felt any real desire or urge for any kind of socialization. i had so many friends over a decade ago. esp because at one point when i was around 20 i ran a nightclub, so i was "mr popularity". but after i met my love i no longer wanted to be a part of that scene. and then after she was ripped from my life i never ever wanted to see or be around anyone again.

gnooryblows

tonight i just miss her, but nothing i ever say or do can bring her soul back to this earth.

gnooryblows

Quote from: gnooryblows on December 30, 2017, 03:15:51 AM
like 5 or 6 years ago i went to a party and a woman there tried to fornicate with me. so i went to her bedroom and i began to undress and i just felt the deepest sadness in my soul. so i told her i had to run out to my car to get condoms or something and then i just never came back in. since then i never even tried going out to any social events or anything anymore. now i just rummage through trash for wares to sell, and i eat animals in the woods, and do antisocial satanist things all by myself. i have never in the past 10 years felt any real desire or urge for any kind of socialization. i had so many friends over a decade ago. esp because at one point when i was around 20 i ran a nightclub, so i was "mr popularity". but after i met my love i no longer wanted to be a part of that scene. and then after she was ripped from my life i never ever wanted to see or be around anyone again.

i went to that party because people said "go out. meet people. that will help you. you will feel better" but no. they were wrong. it only made me feel more empty and broken on the inside. "parties" are for the plebs anyhow. they're nothing positive. they're just giant shitshows for insecure faggots.

gnooryblows

there is an even worse part to this story that people probably wouldn't believe if i told them too, so i won't tell it.


gnooryblows

i mean it wasn't really a nightclub, i just don't wanna say exactly what it was cuz it might expose my identity. but it was something very close to a nightclub. a very popular nightspot. i got so lucky that i got to essentially run it at such a young age. i used to go everyday and beg the owner to give me a job, and then once he did i broke all of his rules and ended up making him a ton of money, so he eventually just let me run shit. it was pretty awesome. once upon a time i really was not a broken shell of a man. i didn't sleep on any streets or any in woods. i didn't live out of the asshole of society. i was not such a dirty and filthy wretch of a man. so many prospects, so many prospects. everyone wanted to be me or be with me.

gnooryblows

Quote from: 21st Century Man on December 30, 2017, 03:23:39 AM
Go eat some poop and then you'll be happy. :D ;)

you and nigger MD MD are like basically the two people i have had the most social interaction with in prob about 6 years, roughly.

Quote from: gnooryblows on December 30, 2017, 03:26:52 AM
you and nigger MD MD are like basically the two people i have had the most social interaction with in prob about 6 years, roughly.

Dude, that is sad.  Tomorrow, clean yourself up and take a shower and then go to a nice church on Sunday morning.  Sure, you may not like half the people there but there are also many nice people who go to church.  They may invite you to dinner and maybe a glass of champagne at midnight.  Circulate.

gnooryblows

Quote from: 21st Century Man on December 30, 2017, 03:31:50 AM
Dude, that is sad.  Tomorrow, clean yourself up and take a shower and then go to a nice church on Sunday morning.  Sure, you may not like half the people there but there are also many nice people who go to church.  They may invite you to dinner and maybe a glass of champagne at midnight.  Circulate.

the 100% pure truth that you probably will not believe is that the last time i went to a mass i went blind and started throwing up all over the pews until i was dragged outside when my vision immediately returned and i started to feel better. real satanists should not go to churches.

also i'm not doing any of that. NONE OF IT! I DONT WANT TO BE A PART OF THIS WORLD! OR THIS SOCIETY! I WILL FUCK IT IN THE ASS! MAY IT SUCK MY FAT WHITE DICK! I HAVE NO LOVE FOR IT, NOR HAVE I ANY LOVE FOR ANY OF THE PEOPLE WITHIN IT! NOTHING BUT HYPOCRISY AND LIES AND DELUSION AND PENT UP FEELINGS, SUPPRESSED FEELINGS THAT GNAW THEIR WAY OUT OF PEOPLES MINDS IN SICK AND DESTRUCTIVE WAYS! I HAVE NO LOVE FOR THE WORLD! I HOPE TO SEE IT BURN!

gnooryblows

YOU MARK MY WORDS. MARK THEM GOOD. WRITE THEM DOWN. SCREENCAP THEM! GNOORYBLOWS WILL FUCK THIS WORLD IN THE ASS! I WILL FUCK IT SO HARD IN ITS DIRTY GREEN ASS THAT ALL UPON ITS SURFACE KNOW MY NAME! THE NAME "GNOORYBLOWS" SHALL RING THROUGH HISTORY, ACROSS TIME AND SPACE! NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE FAMOUS, BUT JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW WHAT IS UP!

gnooryblows

Quote from: 21st Century Man on December 30, 2017, 03:31:50 AM
Dude, that is sad.  Tomorrow, clean yourself up and take a shower and then go to a nice church on Sunday morning.  Sure, you may not like half the people there but there are also many nice people who go to church.  They may invite you to dinner and maybe a glass of champagne at midnight.  Circulate.

its not SAD you know. you know whats SAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?! NEEDING to have other people near you. NEEDING to define yourself through your associations with others. NEEDING to feel their approval and their validation all of the time. that is sad. what i have in my life is not sad, other than the loss of my love. what i have in my life is independence and strength and resilience. not social codependency that you faggots live with. you are all IN LOVE WITH YOUR OWN WEAKNESSES and you must come to realize that they are in fact nothing positive, but only destructive forces in your lives.

gnooryblows

my love, she had gone to a private catholic school lol, and she ended up really resenting religion because i guess that's what happens to people who grow up in private catholic schools with nuns and shit. i remember one time at this job we both worked together, a customer handed her a bible for some reason and she tossed it away and acted like it burnt her hands or something. i was laughing but i remember i told her "lol babe catholicism is not that bad. even though there are bad things about it, there are so many good things about it too!". my how i have changed. funny i wonder what she would have thought in that moment if she knew i was going to eventually become a genuine satanist after her passing!

Quote from: gnooryblows on December 30, 2017, 03:35:36 AM
the 100% pure truth that you probably will not believe is that the last time i went to a mass i went blind and started throwing up all over the pews until i was dragged outside when my vision immediately returned and i started to feel better. real satanists should not go to churches.


Dude, if you react like that in a church, you are probably possessed.  Just sayin'.   There are certain people you can contact to help with that.  Since you somewhat respect catholicism, go to the local diocese and ask for help. 

gnooryblows

Quote from: 21st Century Man on December 30, 2017, 06:49:25 AM
Dude, if you react like that in a church, you are probably possessed.  Just sayin'.   There are certain people you can contact to help with that.  Since you somewhat respect catholicism, go to the local diocese and ask for help.

no im not possessed the polarity of my soul has just reversed. i'm not overburdened by something entering me and manipulating me, but my soul has changed on the most fundamental level and is not what it was before. it's not "human" in the same was it was before. its not the same thing, you wouldn't understand.

Dr. MD MD

Don't try to overthink this. It's just because you're a horrible person.  ;)

Jojo

Quote from: gnooryblows on December 30, 2017, 03:38:54 AM
its not SAD you know. you know whats SAD?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?! NEEDING to have other people near you. NEEDING to define yourself through your associations with others. NEEDING to feel their approval and their validation all of the time. that is sad. what i have in my life is not sad, other than the loss of my love. what i have in my life is independence and strength and resilience. not social codependency that you faggots live with. you are all IN LOVE WITH YOUR OWN WEAKNESSES and you must come to realize that they are in fact nothing positive, but only destructive forces in your lives.
The sheeple people.

Jojo

Quote from: gnooryblows on December 30, 2017, 03:15:51 AM
like 5 or 6 years ago i went to a party and a woman there tried to fornicate with me. so i went to her bedroom and i began to undress and i just felt the deepest sadness in my soul. so i told her i had to run out to my car to get condoms or something and then i just never came back in...
There are very few things people like to have thrown at them.  Even if someone threw a bunch of money at me, I might not take it.  Something to be said for delivery, dignity, and meaning...  Too much too soon can ruin a good thing.  Men are not on-demand sex machines.


Jojo

Quote from: gnooryblows on December 30, 2017, 03:37:12 AM
YOU MARK MY WORDS. MARK THEM GOOD. WRITE THEM DOWN. SCREENCAP THEM! GNOORYBLOWS WILL FUCK THIS WORLD IN THE ASS! I WILL FUCK IT SO HARD IN ITS DIRTY GREEN ASS THAT ALL UPON ITS SURFACE KNOW MY NAME! THE NAME "GNOORYBLOWS" SHALL RING THROUGH HISTORY, ACROSS TIME AND SPACE! NOT BECAUSE I WANT TO BE FAMOUS, BUT JUST SO YOU ALL KNOW WHAT IS UP!
NEED. Let's just skip to the chase and admit we're desperate for each other once in a while.  My parents were "recovering Catholics".  Evidently, it's quite a thing.

Quote from: Jojo on December 30, 2017, 11:40:31 AM
There are very few things people like to have thrown at them.  Even if someone threw a bunch of money at me, I might not take it.  Something to be said for delivery, dignity, and meaning...  Too much too soon can ruin a good thing.  Men are not on-demand sex machines.

I am.  ;D

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ajzpd-ONOdo



gnooryblows

Quote from: Jojo on December 30, 2017, 11:40:31 AM
There are very few things people like to have thrown at them.  Even if someone threw a bunch of money at me, I might not take it.  Something to be said for delivery, dignity, and meaning...  Too much too soon can ruin a good thing.  Men are not on-demand sex machines.

i can promise that i am not desperate for you. you are exactly the type of idiot that i resent most deeply because your stupidity makes you an apt slave, and your slavemasters protect you from you reality to keep you indoctrinated to them. you have no idea how abused and misused you have been because you are in love with your abusers.


paladin1991

Quote from: gnooryblows on December 30, 2017, 03:05:07 AM
only my long lost love, whom my heart and soul still burn for. once upon a time, gnooryblows was a strapping young man, what you would today call a "chad", full of promise and talent and vigor and zest for life, and even optimism, or at least a steadfast determination to make something positive out of the world. a man with a job, a small business in his spare time which was growing, and an education, rather than a man who rummages through trash for goods to sell and eats small animals in the woods. before the turning point in my life where my soul was crushed, ripped from my body and stomped out before my very eyes. this cruel, heartless bitch of a world took my one true love from me. i shall never forgive it. i shall not rest until i somehow manage to have my revenge upon its very soul.

afterwards, i tried to pick up the pieces. to go back on with my life. to be "normal". i went with other women. i humped them sometimes, but i found no joy in it. every time i did i only thought of my one true love, mercilessly taken from me in the prime of our lives. eventually i stopped altogether and resigned myself to the acceptance that there was simply no one else for me. and thus, i slowly became the satanic monk that you see before you today. the one who plagues your message board like flies in the ointment, just as a plague the offline world around me.

in time, i pledged my soul to satan for his aid in helping me destroy everything upon this earth, but especially the corruption and manipulations which led to her downfall and enslavement and ultimate fate. not because i resent those that are happy, but because i have seen how this universe reaches out to deliberately crush all forms of happiness, and i have seen first hand the sneaky and manipulative ways in which it does this. we live in misery and fear and a state of constant uncertainty about our future. and when we find one thing that finally makes us happy, the universe whips out its mighty and powerful dick and mushrooms stamps you across the face with it. it takes whatever decency and love you have found, just to watch you be broken at its powerful feet.

tonight though, i simply feel sad as my soul aches, as it sometimes still does, for what could have once been and how perfect and beautiful it would have been. i grieve for her and for my unborn children whom now i shall never know. even as a masturbate, i can only do so thinking of the dead. in a decade, i have seen not a single other woman or man or animal or space alien or anything else to whom i felt any other sort of attraction.

sounds like you lost your soulmate.  What was his name?

paladin1991

Quote from: gnooryblows on December 30, 2017, 03:06:28 AM
all day every day, after a decade, all i do is try to think of her. to imagine the life we could have had. to imagine what we would be doing today, and remember the things we did so long ago. it is the only thing which brings me any solace or comfort, but always it is accompanied by the deepest pain and emptiness as well.

have you tried the other sock?  they come in pairs after all.

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