Author Topic: Merry Christmas  (Read 6839 times)

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Merry Christmas
« on: December 08, 2008, 06:34:20 PM »
I've been contemplating sending George some stuff for Christmas. I might do a regular card and all that. But maybe inside I'll write some helpful stuff like "here's a nightly checklist for you"
1. Read guest bios. Maybe google them and learn a factoid
2. do some warm up so i don't fuck up all the sentences
3. remember george noory sucks.com is listening and taking note of all fuck-ups
4. Stop trying to be cool or name drop

In addition, I was thinking of sending him a copy of "how to lose friends and alienate people". Maybe a copy of a diaper porn magazine too. Or a dictionary..... any ideas amigos?

Re: Stuff to send George for Christmas
« Reply #1 on: December 09, 2008, 12:58:00 AM »
He's not getting anything under the tree from me.  He has been a very, very bad boy!  He sucks pervasively.

To make up for it, he could be bell ringer for the Salvation Army or buy something for a child on an angel tree to make up for his dead baby fetish.

Centurion73

  • Guest
Re: Stuff to send George for Christmas
« Reply #2 on: December 11, 2008, 01:14:33 AM »
Great post very funny. However, it is predicated on the idea the Georgie can read may I suggest a pop up book to really hold his attention, but very funny indeed.


Christmas in LA
« Reply #3 on: December 11, 2008, 08:22:09 AM »
Well, it actually feels like winter down here for once cause..guess what? WE GOT SNOOWWWWW!! This usually only happens about once every 4 or 5 years for us, and it usually is more like sleet...but this is nice, slushy snow. Had I have gotten up even earlier there'd be more, but these are from about 7:00AM our time, so the sun had only been out about an hour.


Neighbor's house and fence, my backyard.


The street and the side of my front yard.


This is the back of my car, the part extended past the carport roof.

 


Re: Christmas in LA
« Reply #4 on: December 11, 2008, 09:04:13 AM »
Woo hoo! Whip out the sleds!

Re: Stuff to send George for Christmas
« Reply #5 on: December 11, 2008, 09:05:29 AM »
Great post very funny. However, it is predicated on the idea the Georgie can read may I suggest a pop up book to really hold his attention, but very funny indeed.
ROFL. Pop-up book. If I did that much for George, I'd have to mass-market that. Seriously, think of the possibilities. It might be a bad economy, but the market is always ripe for George Noory Sucks merchandise.

Re: Christmas in LA
« Reply #6 on: December 11, 2008, 09:34:02 AM »
Woo hoo! Whip out the sleds!

Lol, it already melted. But it was nice for the couple of hours it was here.  ;)

Re: Christmas in LA
« Reply #7 on: December 11, 2008, 09:52:28 AM »
Lol, it already melted. But it was nice for the couple of hours it was here.  ;)
In DC, that is enough snow to cancel school BTW :)

Re: Christmas in LA
« Reply #8 on: December 11, 2008, 11:08:49 AM »
In DC, that is enough snow to cancel school BTW :)

Wimps.

Re: Christmas in LA
« Reply #9 on: December 11, 2008, 11:55:56 AM »
Wimps.
We've also called 2 big rainstorms hurricanes. Dc is amazing.

Re: Stuff to send George for Christmas
« Reply #10 on: December 11, 2008, 12:57:58 PM »
ROFL. Pop-up book. If I did that much for George, I'd have to mass-market that. Seriously, think of the possibilities. It might be a bad economy, but the market is always ripe for George Noory Sucks merchandise.

This is just a thought.  Why not start a George Noory Sucks online store.  Of course, your best season would be Christmas for gift giving.  You could have pop-up books, Coffee mugs, Mouse Pads, Magic Markers, and T-shirts or Jackets.  It would really sale if we could get George to be our male model and wear the merchandise.  Do you need to make some extra Christmas money, George?  You could enter the realm of male model and this could be you next new gig.

Re: Stuff to send George for Christmas
« Reply #11 on: December 11, 2008, 06:46:58 PM »
Someone otta send George a personality.

Centurion73

  • Guest
Re: Stuff to send George for Christmas
« Reply #12 on: December 12, 2008, 03:06:08 AM »
Someone otta send George a personality.
So obvious and so true even a bad personality would be a start, Georgie the tofu of personalities.

Re: Stuff to send George for Christmas
« Reply #13 on: December 12, 2008, 01:16:15 PM »
So obvious and so true even a bad personality would be a start, Georgie the tofu of personalities.

As much as I love tofu, that was absolutely hilarious.

Re: Stuff to send George for Christmas
« Reply #14 on: December 16, 2008, 09:40:27 AM »
I'm torn between two different gifts for Mr. Noory; a muzzle or an oxygen tank with matching mask.  Think about it, they both have practical applications in his daily life. A muzzle would silence him and thus make Coast to Coast much more interesting, and an oxygen tank coupled with a mask would cut down on all that methane he's been inhaling since his head was first inserted into his ass.

Merry Christmas
« Reply #15 on: December 23, 2008, 04:05:47 PM »
well i just bin out with the people i work with for a christmas drink, i dunno if its a tradition in your country but it sure is here. it went bad. my boss who had paid about 250 pounds to feed and water us all was set upon by a few of my colleagues in the street after the dinner and had his underpants ripped off him. i said i think this has gone a bit far now to which one of my colleagues replied "you've always got something to say, well i tell you what im pissed off with it, why dont you fuck off!" so i went home.
tis the season to be jolly so im told. im drunk and typing cus i feel let down by mankind, sorry everyone, i had to get it down while its fresh.
peace

dan

Re: christmas drinkeepoos
« Reply #16 on: December 23, 2008, 04:15:02 PM »
Well I can certainly say we have Christmas drinks over here..(quite a few within my circle of friends.)  I can't say we've ever resorted to anything like pulling off our boss' underpants, although one of my friends likes to hump random people when he drinks too much.  ;D

Re: christmas drinkeepoos
« Reply #17 on: December 23, 2008, 05:14:22 PM »
Quote
my boss who had paid about 250 pounds to feed and water us all was set upon by a few of my colleagues in the street after the dinner and had his underpants ripped off him. i said i think this has gone a bit far now to which one of my colleagues replied "you've always got something to say, well i tell you what im pissed off with it, why dont you fuck off!" so i went home.

Different regions of the Us have different customs (none of which, in my experience, include ripping off the boss' clothing!  Though some people have been known to remove their own . . .  "office parties" often take place in the workplace - rather than in a restaurant. Then, there is the ever popular "pub crawl" - going from one pub to another - within walking distance - as the spirit moves and before the flesh utterly weakens, or the pubs close, whichever comes first  (during one of which I did, briefly, take of my blouse in the street.  A male college, only slightly older than my son, kept insisting that it was on inside out.  I said "FINE PATRICK!" - pulled it up over my head, in-versed it, and put it back on.  (as an FYI I did have a functional, and non-revealing bra on under it - which remained where it belonged)

Pub crawls happen at holiday time - and - in academic communities, in the spring.  This one was in May - Thank GOD!

Most of the people I know would consider what your firends did more than bad etiquette.  They'd fear facing assault charges - and even if not, it would be considered "professionally unwise."

That's all my wordy way of saying "GOOD HOLLY MOTHER OF GOD!  WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH THE PEOPLE YOU WORK WITH!??"

Are they still employed?!

Re: christmas drinkeepoos
« Reply #18 on: December 26, 2008, 04:57:23 AM »
thing is Ev, we are all carpenters so that masculine humiliation stuff is everyday, i think thats why they got away with it, as far as i know they will be back at work next year, although i think we will only be going to the cafe for breakfast next year, rather than combining eating with drinking alcohol. bear in mind all of this happened by 7:30pm, we had our dinner at 4:30pm to try and avoid any trouble associated with drinking late, but it just wasnt early enough.

builders are basically emotionally retarded idiots, i realised long ago that i made a terrible career choice by not going to art college. kids, take note.

Re: christmas drinkeepoos
« Reply #19 on: December 27, 2008, 11:33:12 PM »
Eat your hearts out, Boo-Boos.  Get civilized in order to have a decent fun time and enjoy yourselves. We had Mimosas for breakfast on Christmas morning and whatever else anyone wanted to drink during the day and evening.  We spaced it out and everyone had a marvelous, safe, time.

I am finishing up the OJ tonight with Screwdrivers and ham sandwiches.  I'm not planning to go out in the ice and snow, but am going to put another log on the fire.  Some of you might think about planning ahead a little bit so that all can have a joyous time.

Re: christmas drinkeepoos
« Reply #20 on: December 30, 2008, 08:27:40 AM »
Eat your hearts out, Boo-Boos.  Get civilized in order to have a decent fun time and enjoy yourselves. We had Mimosas for breakfast on Christmas morning and whatever else anyone wanted to drink during the day and evening.  We spaced it out and everyone had a marvelous, safe, time.

I am finishing up the OJ tonight with Screwdrivers and ham sandwiches.  I'm not planning to go out in the ice and snow, but am going to put another log on the fire.  Some of you might think about planning ahead a little bit so that all can have a joyous time."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Geeze.  Did I say that?  I get snarky when I have too many Screwdrivers.  Sorry. 

admin edit:  fixed quote brackets.

Re: christmas drinkeepoos
« Reply #21 on: December 30, 2008, 08:39:19 AM »
Geeze.  Did I say that?  I get snarky when I have too many Screwdrivers.  Sorry. 
HAHA

Christmas
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2009, 12:34:40 PM »

Christmas Stories for George
« Reply #23 on: December 12, 2009, 06:18:09 AM »
George will be reading Christmas stories submitted by listeners on December 24-25.  You can send yours to:
holidaystories1@yahoo.com
 
Here's mine.............
 
Dear Mr. Noory:
I am a member of “Santa’s Helpers,” a volunteer group that answers mail for Santa at the post office.  This year the kids have been making some unusual gift requests and asking strange questions.  Can you help me?
 
-------------------------
 
From Limpy in Oklahoma
Dear Santa,
My Daddy will be home from the war in three years.   Can you come early for Christmas because the Mayans said we are all going to die?

-------------------------
 
Dear Mr. Claus,
A strange man keeps sending letters teasing me about all of the money he is sending to buy food and clothes.  Can you tell him to stop? 
Yours truly,
Yasmin
P.S.  Can I have some food and clothes for Christmas?
 
-------------------------
 
From Alex, Jr., in America The Real America Where People Used To Be Free Really Free Not Bleeding Servants On Their Knees Before The New World Order, Texas
Dear Santa Claus,
My Daddy says you can’t come any more because giving free toys to children is a plot to enslave us by spreading super flu and killing everyone on Earth.  Can you leave my gifts at my friend Stevie’s house instead? 
Thank you.
 
-------------------------
 
Dear “Santa Claus,”
First a few questions:
Do I have any belts or boots made from one of your relatives?
In your hallway at the North Pole do you have any family photos of Cain, Che Guevara, Gerald Ford, Harry Potter, Vlad Tepes, Charles Darwin, balloons named “Rover,” or one-armed men?
Any “Twelve Monkeys” posters?

Quick!  Who did Bob Cousy play for?!?

Publish your answers in next Sunday’s classified section under the code name “Tick Tock Ambrosia Zoom H-47 Clementine Soap Brigade Popcorn With Butter Sir Thanks But No Thanks It Contains Microchips.”
If you provide the correct answers then you can leave Alex, Jr.’s gifts at my home because his Daddy is crazy.
Yours truly,
Stevie Quayle, Jr.
 
-------------------------

Mein Fuhrer Klaus:
All I want for Christmas is my two front feet.
Jeth Wense

Re: Christmas Stories for George
« Reply #24 on: December 12, 2009, 02:23:13 PM »
WOW!
just .....WOW!
Incredible!

**M**

Re: Christmas Stories for George
« Reply #25 on: December 13, 2009, 01:14:13 AM »
WOW!
just .....WOW!
Incredible!

**M**

Mabuse, I've been reading your posts for a long time and you can make George madder than I can.  I look forward to seeing your Christmas story submission.

Re: Christmas Stories for George
« Reply #26 on: December 13, 2009, 10:23:39 PM »
Mabuse, I've been reading your posts for a long time and you can make George madder than I can.  I look forward to seeing your Christmas story submission.

You know, my friend, that if B-Grade horror & SciFi have taught us anything, it is to "beware of what you wish for..."  OBVIOUSLY that lesson has NOT sunk in on you--yet!  :P

So, for you:

T’was the night before Christmas, and over the air,
George Nuri was broadcasting doom and despair:
“Just one thousand ninety-two days so beware
Nibiru arrives with a big solar flare!

Please think of the children,--Mah-REET-sa so sweet,
Who’ll be turned into slaves for the Global Elite.
And all of the babies who are going to be stewed
To provide the Nephalim with their favorite food.”

The wife was asleep as I sipped a nightcap
And wondered, “Where does he come up with this crap?”
Then Tricky-Dick Hoaxland came onto the line,
To add pseudo-science to back Nuri’s  whine:

“I once worked for NASA and Cronkite as well,
Until I told the truth, then they sent me to hell.
They’re trying to silence me, telling their lies,
For I am the one who knows what’s in the skies.

Nibiru is coming, there are faces on Mars!
I got an award from some drunk guy named Lars.
I met him ‘round back by the dumpster one night.
He said it was for my astounding insight.”

Then out in the yard there arose such a clatter,
I put down my drink and I emptied my bladder.
I grabbed a revolver and snuck to the door
Intent to discover the source of the roar.

The moon shining brightly in spite of no snow
Gave the luster of midday to objects below.
My trashcans were scattered, I saw with chagrin,
By a now-steaming Yugo, its front all caved in.

Out staggered a driver, still clutching a purse,
With a mouth like a scar and a voice like a curse.
A bunch of equipment hung over her prow
She said “I’m the world famous Mutated-Cowe.

I was tracking an object way up in the sky
It was extraterrestrial, that’s where they fly!
Can I take your statement?” she said with a wink,
“And then, after that could you give me a drink?

And after the drink I should check in with George…”
I swallowed and fought down my own rising gorge.
An old cassette recorder then hove into view
And a hand held mic circa seventy-two.

“So, tell me, exactly, what you saw, would you say?
A big, black triangle? An Angel? A Gray?
Perhaps its an extraterrestrial sleigh?
And do you mind putting that pistol away?”

Before I could answer, a sound chilled my bones
And out of my bushes leapt one Alex Jones.
“The Mayans were Masons and part of this sport!
Just look at the proof in the Denver Airport!

Al Qaida sends shadow-folks over the border
And it takes directions from the New World Order!
You think that I’m crazy? The whole thing sounds horsey?
But I’ve got proof right here! I obtained it from Corsi!”

He planted himself for a desperate stand.
Then, grasping his megaphone firmly in hand:
“Bohemian Grove! Its all conspiracy!
And ‘twas Winnie-the-Pooh shot John Kennedy!

Folks, we’ve got to wake up, our country’s a wreck!
So do your part now and write me a check!”
“And write me one, too!” piped the Mutated-Cowe,
“Buy subscriptions to EarthFilesDOTorg, do it now!”

I staggered inside and I slumped ‘gainst the wall,
My eyes saw the face of the clock in hall.
Eleven-eleven it flashed with persistence
I started to scream “There’s no coincidence!”

From my house, to the city of angels and caves,
I discovered the portal of fools, shills and slaves.
It’s a magical box from whence madness arises
And crytpo-fascist delusions in various guises.

The Ring master’s a clown, with his bad varnished hair
And a line-up of guests who all feed off despair.
And the meaning was clear as dawn’s light diagnosed:
For a REAL Merry Christmas, don’t bother with Coast.
 
Happy whatever the hell you enjoy during the solstice!

**M**

Re: Christmas Stories for George
« Reply #27 on: December 14, 2009, 12:54:55 AM »




Re: Christmas Stories for George
« Reply #28 on: December 14, 2009, 01:02:39 AM »

WOW a Diversity clap!  I am honoured!

**M**

Re: Christmas Stories for George
« Reply #29 on: December 14, 2009, 02:06:37 AM »
They seem to have left AGE out of the diversity lineup -

Oh well, such is stock art.