George Noory Sucks! - The Definitive Compendium

[aldousburbank]

Crystal Skulls are a sham...

Crystal Skulls, the most boring topic that would be the best band name.

[Sardondi]

            And now she has more ink than Ray Bradbury could ever fathom and performs pseudo-sapphic acts with musical accompaniment of Type O Negative's "My Girlfriend's Girlfriend" and David Bowie's "Cat People", earning dozens of dollars each night....

Better would be the movie Bowie both acted and sang Cat People in, The Hunger (1983). Speaking of which I could definitely watch Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon reprise the sapphic acts they so lasciviously engaged in in The Hunger, be they pseudo or real-o. But they have to be the CD & SS of 30 years ago, not today. Or there could be a "Too-Many-Pixels Paradox" that occurs when today's hi-def cameras linger on flesh much past 18 years old, and even those very popular mature sex symbols who are still widely believed to be very attractive at the age of 40+ are shown to be hideous, dessicated hags whose creviced and cratered bodies are the place where even Viagra-induced erections of steel go to die humiliating deaths. *shudder*

[Eddie Coyle]

Better would be the movie Bowie both acted and sang Cat People in, The Hunger (1983). Speaking of which I could definitely watch Catherine Deneuve and Susan Sarandon reprise the sapphic acts they so lasciviously engaged in in The Hunger, be they pseudo or real-o. But they have to be the CD & SS of 30 years ago, not today.

        When I think psuedo-sapphic, "The Hunger" rushes to the forefront of my mind, hence my name checking the Bowie tune(good catch,BTW). I saw that film on cable as an insomniac 9 year old cretin in the fall of 1984 and it still registers with me. Overnight Cable was better then, and I was better then as well.

       I may add that it also keeps Whitley Strieber off my shit list, no matter what depths he sinks to on C2C.

[Oversoul]

The imbecile Noory just tried to do a tuning fork healing number on the show, and he could not even get the tuning fork to vibrate and sound out over the microphone.  What an idiot and a twit!   :

Oh well, all those Noory devotees who were looking forward to his healing energies have just been disappointed.   

This incident is really proof beyond reasonable doubt that Noory does not prepare for the show.

(I must admit, though, that Noory's tuning fork healing experiment snafu gave me a big laugh.    ) 

[Oversoul]

A caller has just persuaded Noory to try his tuning fork experiment again.  The caller advised him to hit the tuning fork with a metal object like a steel knife or a screwdriver while holding the fork up in the air with the other hand.  Earlier, Noory tapped or jabbed the fork against the wooden surface of his table.  (Duh?  ) 

Will the great Noory succeed with his second historic attempt to sound the tuning fork?  We'll find out after the commercial break (unless the great Noory chickens out of it).   

(Later when the show resumed after the break) . . . Here's feedback on the second attempt: The imbecile Noory could not make the tuning fork sing more than a second or less, and the vibration was hardly audible.  Yet he concludes: "I am very happy now after a successful experiment."   

Yeah, George, whatever you say.   :

(I would not recommend this radio show to little children.  Noory would warp their tender minds.)

[Julius]

A caller has just persuaded Noory to try his tuning fork experiment again.  The caller advised him to hit the tuning fork with a metal object like a steel knife or a screwdriver while holding the fork up in the air with the other hand.  Earlier, Noory tapped or jabbed the fork against the wooden surface of his table.  (Duh?  ) 

Will the great Noory succeed with his second historic attempt to sound the tuning fork?  We'll find out after the commercial break (unless the great Noory chickens out of it).   

(Later when the show resumed after the break) . . . Here's feedback on the second attempt: The imbecile Noory could not make the tuning fork sing more than a second or less, and the vibration was hardly audible.  Yet he concludes: "I am very happy now after a successful experiment."   

Yeah, George, whatever you say.   :

He's just prepping the audience for a last minute appearance of Dr. Morgus, he's not very good at these kind of gags...


(Oh well, guess I had that one wrong)

[Oversoul]

He's just prepping the audience for a last minute appearance of Dr. Morgus, he's not very good at these kind of gags...

Nope.  Noory just announced that UFO Phil will be doing the closing shortly.  Truth is Noory bungled his own experiment.

[DangerousBlossom]

The imbecile Noory could not make the tuning fork sing more than a second or less, and the vibration was hardly audible.

Surely a bad omen, but does it spell doom for Noory or just more doom for the listening audience?

[Sardondi]

A caller has just persuaded Noory to try his tuning fork experiment again....The imbecile Noory could not make the tuning fork sing more than a second or less, and the vibration was hardly audible.  Yet he concludes: "I am very happy now after a successful experiment." ...

They found out later what Noory was doing wrong: after striking the tuning fork he was, uh, sticking the, uh,...handle, uh...up his own ass. And then he just grooved on the heavy vibrations...which accounts for his happiness apparently. 

Now, ordinarily this is an activity which most of us would find intensely unpleasurable, much like hooking one's tongue to the electric buzzer of a doorbell. But there are some of us who, whether by fluke of nature, or from having, uh, desensitized this ordinarily extremely sensitive area of the body by, uh, very excessive and repeated, massive overuse of some kind, can take such massive overstimulation of that area that most of us would find it very painful. But George was overheard to say that his perverse use of large tuning forks (which he called "riding the lightning") was a little something he had recently picked up in a Mexican jail.

Poor man. Will we ever know what really happened in George's "attempted kidnapping"? One's mind can only boggle at the kind and amount of "overstimulation" it would have taken to destroy an ordinarily extremely delicate and sensitive area of the body....

[kf5iwe]

The imbecile Noory just tried to do a tuning fork healing number on the show, and he could not even get the tuning fork to vibrate and sound out over the microphone.  What an idiot and a twit!   :

Oh well, all those Noory devotees who were looking forward to his healing energies have just been disappointed.   

This incident is really proof beyond reasonable doubt that Noory does not prepare for the show.

(I must admit, though, that Noory's tuning fork healing experiment snafu gave me a big laugh.    )

Well I guess that's it then. I can't take anymore. I guess this is the day I drive to Baton Rouge, buy a cheap Hi-point pistol from some meth freak, and put it against my temple. Noory you bastard.

[HorrorReporter]

Did Tommy know the fork didn't work on wood and not tell Noory? Purposeful drunken Friday night jest?  Maybe next time he will try a wooden fork

[Lovely Bones]

Next time PremRat goes looking for a radio show host, they may want to give them an IQ test, a multiple choice quiz on the show topics, a grade school level exam on general knowledge, something to measure speaking ability and basic broadcasting skills...

I'd add evidence of work ethic, but that's clearly not important to them..

Re my comment on Ian's thread: now, there you make a start at establishing some objective criteria for objectively evaluating a radio talk show host: someone intelligent, someone familiar with show topics, someone with general world/cultural knowledge, someone with good speaking ability and basic broadcasting skills, someone with a good work ethic . . . .

[Jasmine]

They found out later what Noory was doing wrong: after striking the tuning fork he was, uh, sticking the, uh,...handle, uh...up his own ass. And then he just grooved on the heavy vibrations...which accounts for his happiness apparently. 

He no doubt thought that a tuning fork was a utensil placed on the left hand side of the plate on the far left...to be used for the seafood appetizer. "Wow! I gotta tell ya, the vibrations from this tuna fork are unbelievable!". But, no, wait...I'm afraid I'm according George far more social skills then is most likely the case.

Poor man. Will we ever know what really happened in George's "attempted kidnapping"? One's mind can only boggle at the kind and amount of "overstimulation" it would have taken to destroy an ordinarily extremely delicate and sensitive area of the body....

George should have the infamous Patty Hearst on as a guest to perhaps stimulate George's frontal lobe, temporal lobe, and hippocampus. Patty Cakes could very well be the catalyst that opens George's Mexican hacienda doorway to captive hell. She could also perhaps provide an on-air musical interlude by singing her version of her hometown ballad If You're Going to San Francisco. The show could be sponsored by the makers of Rice-A-Roni. George could offer to "one darn lucky caller East of the Rockies" a whole case of this 70's starch as a giveaway promo.


Scott McKenzie - If You're Going To San Francisco

...then again, if you mentioned the word "hippocampus" to Georgie, he'd respond with "the San Diego zoo!"

[Jasmine]

Next time PremRat goes looking for a radio show host, they may want to give them an IQ test, a multiple choice quiz on the show topics, a grade school level exam on general knowledge, something to measure speaking ability and basic broadcasting skills...

I'd add evidence of work ethic, but that's clearly not important to them..

Uh huh. But ya just know that any IQ test would have to be pretty much watered down in order to raise the bar. Sadly, when the rating numbers are high and are sustained (at Premiere or any other radio station...even TV networks, etc.) a high degree of apathy sets in, especially with the producers, who see and feel no need to set off outside the proverbial box and explore new vistas. But that's just my take on it.

[b_dubb]

He no doubt thought that a tuning fork was a utensil placed on the left hand side of the plate on the far left...to be used for the seafood appetizer. "Wow! I gotta tell ya, the vibrations from this tuna fork are unbelievable!". But, no, wait...I'm afraid I'm according George far more social skills then is most likely the case.

Good stuff. Keep the zingers coming. Me thinks you have a comedian in thine belly

[Jasmine]

            And now she has more ink than Ray Bradbury could ever fathom

The prized tattoos proudly worn by one Krystal Methina Skullz down at The Pussy Palace (located just off interstate 65, and two doors down from Horndog's Corndogs & Daycare ) included ones of Morticia Addams, Black Sabbath, and Natasha from the cartoon "Bullwinkle". Apparently, they and the others evaporated at a recorded temperature of Fahrenheit 145.1, as her skin rubbed against the pole on stage. The combined friction and heat earned her 34 bucks in tips and two packages of Pall Mall cigarettes. Krystal smoked em' in her trailer dressing room out back with her on-stage co-hort dwarf from Arkansas, one Ms. Cherry Possum, rumored to be an eighth cousin of Bill Clinton - three times removed by incest.

[Jasmine]

Good stuff. Keep the zingers coming. Me thinks you have a comedian in thine belly

Yeah, and he's proving himself to be a regular three month old Rodney Dangerfield.  The kid kept me up last night with acid indigestion...I get no respect, b_dubb...no respect at all. 

[Agent : Orange]

Krystal Methina Skullz is an excellent stripper name.

You guys bust me up.

[ziznak]

Now the hard part people... lets find her.  There has to be an appropriate picture out there in internet land of this beloved methamphetaminated beauty.

[Usagi]

Wow that sounds like a humdinger of a show

[b_dubb]

Yeah, and he's proving himself to be a regular three month old Rodney Dangerfield.  The kid kept me up last night with acid indigestion...I get no respect, b_dubb...no respect at all. 

wait till you getz the gas. stock up on scented candles

[ziznak]

Man the shows this week have really sucked... the ghost calls was kinda cool but lately... like i guess the shows from the 10th-12th I just listened to... HORRIBLE

[preston]

Krystal Methina Skullz is an excellent stripper name.

Hey I know her,she borrowed a hundred bucks from me.
I remember because I put 100 1 dollar bills in her g-string
panties.

[Sardondi]

...."Wow! I gotta tell ya, the vibrations from this tuna fork are unbelievable!"...

"Tuna fork" - BWWAAAAHAAAHAAHHAAHAAAAA!!!!! Please, no more, I can't breathe!

...
George's frontal lobe, temporal lobe, and hippocampus....

You know, the hippocampus is where George says he did his classroom work on his PhD (which I think he claims is in "Talking To Zoo Animals and Angels" but he's giving up - he says the foreign language requirement makes it a young man's game). Now I don't believe in throwing stones, but I have to wonder whether he really did his work at the hippocampus, because everybody knows hippos have to stay in or right by the water. So I wonder if George wasn't really at the pot-bellied pig campus.

[Shockwave]

I really don't know what gets on my nerves more, Noory or his callers.  The show sounds like a GLP voice chat.

[Oliver Kloseoff]

The upsurge in talent on this thread is gratifying. "tuna fork" is just too fucking funny!

[thefamilyghost]

A caller has just persuaded Noory to try his tuning fork experiment again.  The caller advised him to hit the tuning fork with a metal object like a steel knife or a screwdriver while holding the fork up in the air with the other hand.  Earlier, Noory tapped or jabbed the fork against the wooden surface of his table.  (Duh?  ) 

Will the great Noory succeed with his second historic attempt to sound the tuning fork?  We'll find out after the commercial break (unless the great Noory chickens out of it).   

(Later when the show resumed after the break) . . . Here's feedback on the second attempt: The imbecile Noory could not make the tuning fork sing more than a second or less, and the vibration was hardly audible.  Yet he concludes: "I am very happy now after a successful experiment."   

Yeah, George, whatever you say.   :

(I would not recommend this radio show to little children.  Noory would warp their tender minds.)

He was so embarrassed about this! He kept referring to it as an experiment..."My little experiments on this show never seem to turn out". It's a fucking tuning fork dude, come on. He hit it once or twice against a wooden surface, admitted defeat, and quickly went to commercial 

[Oversoul]

He was so embarrassed about this! He kept referring to it as an experiment..."My little experiments on this show never seem to turn out". It's a fucking tuning fork dude, come on. He hit it once or twice against a wooden surface, admitted defeat, and quickly went to commercial 

He should be so embarrassed!    The dumb ass did not even bother to rehearse using and working the tuning fork before the show began, knowing fully well that he was going to make a special feature out of his tuning fork healing practice.  Unless, as usual he did not bother to prepare for the show, or worse, he was not even made aware beforehand that the tuning fork healing number was going to be an act in the show for that night.  I shudder to think of the latter possibility, because the latter makes Noory so far removed or distanced from the management of the show and the control of its content.  He would appear to be just spoonfed with the show's program activities as the show progressed through the night, like using cue cards or a teleprompter on an impromptu basis.

[b_dubb]

The David Wilcox show is pretty terrible. The idea that the illuminati are financing horror movies to condition the public is beyond implausible. Also the story about noory stiffing wilcox for lunch is totally devoid of entertainment value. I just Noory to call someone on there bullshit once.

[Oversoul]

The David Wilcox show is pretty terrible. The idea that the illuminati are financing horror movies to condition the public is beyond implausible. . . .

It can't be any worse than his claim to be the reincarnation of Edgar Cayce.